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lmf9 (original poster member #43467) posted at 2:28 AM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
I originally posted a few weeks ago in the "just found out" forum and was in further need of advice after DDay. This is our second MC session and both times it has ended in a huge argument after the session. WH is in major blame shifting mode and bringing up anything and everything, no matter how insignificant, to shift the blame off of himself and make all of this my fault. It's really becoming beyond annoying and I'm started to think that MC isn't going to work for us. It is important to try and work through our issues, but if he's not going to accept responsibility for anything what's the point. Will this get better if I keep trying the counseling or is this a waste of time until he's willing to accept responsibility and change?
"Storms make trees take deeper roots." Dolly Parton
Reinvented :-)
knolls ( member #39242) posted at 2:54 AM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
I'm not an expert
But I remember reading that marriage counseling should not start too soon after DDay
Google that to see what you come up with
And sorry you even have to contend with all of this
I am stronger than the storm.
I take every experience in my life, no matter how horrendous it was, as a learning experience
jjsr ( member #34353) posted at 2:55 AM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
I think its way to early to know if MC is going to work for you. You have only been to 2 sessions. I think its normal to fight after them for awhile because its so new and bringing up issues that your spouse doesn't yet want to deal with. That's why he is blame shifting etc. What I would do is call his ass out on the blame shifting etc at the next MC appointment.
It takes ALOT of work to R and a lot of MC. You need to have patience with the process which can be difficult. R is not for the faint of heart.
Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 3:20 AM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
My question is this: what is your MC's attitude about this?
If your MC is going to pussy-foot around with the blame-shifting and huge post-MC blow-ups without holding firm to the line that your WH needs to 'own his shit', then...yes. You are wasting your time.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Chinadoll30 ( member #43131) posted at 11:57 AM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
MC is effing tough. In my experience, it often gets way worse before it gets better. Like ripping off a scab. It exposes all the puss and infection that has festered beneath. But in order to heal properly, it needs to be exposed and cleaned out.
"We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means 'I survived'." -Chris Cleave
lmf9 (original poster member #43467) posted at 2:29 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
Thanks for your responses! This is our first time in marriage counseling, even though we should have done this years ago. I just wasn't sure if it's normal for the sessions to end like this. The counselor actually did call him out on some stuff and I was definitely going to bring up the blame shifting in our session next week. Thanks again!!!
"Storms make trees take deeper roots." Dolly Parton
Reinvented :-)
LoveEndures2014 ( new member #43528) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
1MF9,
Just be glad you guys are going...my H can't bear to deal with his mess and will not even go..so be thankful for that step but just know if you really want it..it's going to be work and it's not going to be easy so hang in there..
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