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Newest Member: LiarsandFools (44201)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: IC cut ties
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Stop  Posted: 8:02 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure how to feel about it?

Basically she said when you need to talk I'll be here but you phone me, we don't need to set an appointment.

I found my why's, I know where my frustrations are, I am able to see the problem in todays thinking, and feel in today me world not as a child surviving.

And yet I am scared.
She said I have to keep telling myself I deserve to be happy, to not let that shame control me anymore. It belongs to others.
My shame to carry is what I have done, I have owned, made no excuses, learnt why and how and to do better, I am working daily to change those bad coping skills.

She asked me today, would berate a friend or a child or a parent or even my abuser, If they were doing what I was doing. An no I wouldn't , I would remind them they are good person, and they are trying and learning and they deserve to be happy.

So why is it so hard to do for myself.

But she is right, I have learnt, I understand where the fear comes from, I understand the bad and the good . I am aware even though I think I am disconnected, I actually have the dots connected, I just don't believe it yet.

Iam scared. But I have to do this on my own. My IC has helped me so much in the last 7 months. Changed my life.

I feel strong but weak at the same time. I want stand up and be me.

I think I have finally found me.



BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 386 | Registered: Apr 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Joan. It is apparent from your posts here how much healing you have done and continue to do.

Now...have you gone to any NA meetings? IMO that would be helpful for you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36501 | Registered: Sep 2007
DWelshe
♂ Member
Member # 43440
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's always nice to see someone writing about even though they are progressing they understand the whys and on the road to change. I have only really started on this website so I'm stilling trying to learn alot, and you will always get the good messages with the bad.

Myself, I know about my problems and insecurities, and am considering going to an IC. I do believe a lot of my personal problems stem from when I was a child with my Father and Mother when they were together.

And I would be the same as you -

She asked me today, would berate a friend or a child or a parent or even my abuser, If they were doing what I was doing. An no I wouldn't , I would remind them they are good person, and they are trying and learning and they deserve to be happy.

You gotta keep continuing with what you are doing. IMO I understand completely about doing this on your own. But I find speaking to others and having the support of others does help, because even if you think you are alone. Thats not the case.


Me - WBF, 24
Her - EX GF, 19
Dday - 04/2014

NC Since 6/7/2014


Posts: 61 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South Wales - UK
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Joanh --

I'm kind of at the same spot. Seven months out. My IC is saying the same sorts of things about me.

I'm afraid to stop, too. So I made an appointment for 6 weeks out. I still feel like I need a little bit of a safety net.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine cut me loose after 3 years. I was ready but wasn't really ready. I've resumed seeing her bi-weekly because, well, think of an onion. Another layer revealed that needs intense work. Now that I'm back with her, I feel safer and more at peace than the year I wasn't seeing her. A good IC is like a strong, secure safety net. Not sure if that's good or bad, or neither.


FWW - 40
You cannot ask of others what you yourself are not willing to give.

Posts: 5754 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the responses. It feels strange, The safety net, and yesnot sure if its good or bad. Its nice to have a sounding board that really has no bias. And she is great for that. And to call attention to the things I miss or have askewed.

Which we all know is why a person is here in the first place.

Thanks again for the responses.


And yes Ithink Alanon or something as such for my other issue I posted is going to be needed.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 386 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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