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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: So far so good.
SoSorry17
♀ Member
Member # 43415
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is our picnic and so far so good. I'm putting the youngest down for a nap and had a few minutes.

I'll admit I was very nervous. Most of our guests know of my affair. But for the most part they have not mentioned it and BH is having a blast. He and a couple of friends and co workers are veterans and they marched in a parade this morning. Today has been a good day and BH is showing some affection and I'm loving it. We have a long way to go yet, but we are both committed to trying to work it out. So I'm happy today. I've been very deliberate today to ensure there is no drama. Some of the female guests started questioning me about how I was doing, but I just told them I was alright and BH was my only concern right now.

So like I said so far so good. I want to wish everyone a happy memorial day and would like to thank all of the veterans here for their service. Without their service and the service and sacrifice of those we are celebrating today our world would be a much different place.


BH-SWAT70 Me-39
Three kids 11,6 and 3
He did file for divorce, the marriage will be ended 10/23/14.

Posts: 244 | Registered: May 2014
WalkinOnEggshelz
♀ Member
Member # 29447
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad things are going well. I'm honestly quite surprised that you guys went through with the BBQ. Things are still so raw.

As great as he is being, keep in mind that at any time things can change. Even when he seems happy and appears to be having a great time, your affair is in his mind. Be sensitive to the fact that at any given moment waves if pain can come crashing through. I get that you love that he is being affectionate. Today is about him. Be affectionate towards him.

Hope the rest of your day goes well.


Me: WS 42
Him: BH 43(HoldingTogether)
M: 18years, together 22
2 Daughters: 13 and 10
D Day: 7/24/2010; TT to 10/17/10
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

Posts: 741 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As great as he is being, keep in mind that at any time things can change. Even when he seems happy and appears to be having a great time, your affair is in his mind. Be sensitive to the fact that at any given moment waves if pain can come crashing through. I get that you love that he is being affectionate. Today is about him. Be affectionate towards him.

This x2, you are going to need to start working towards some coping skills for when he is not affectionate towards you, and when he doesn't want to work on it anymore and when he is very angry. Because those days will come. And you are going to need to be the strong one. If you are not used to being that person, you need to start focusing on your issues and coping skills and how you can help be that person.

It didn't come easy for me either. Come here when you don't know what to do or where to turn. We will help you, but at some point you are going to have to be willing to hear what we have to say.

I am glad that your day is going well, remember to not have expectations of what tomorrow will be like. Enjoy today for what it is.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5094 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
EvolvingSoul
♀ Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's kind of interesting how the perception of what constitutes a good day changes as one slogs through the process of recovering from infidelity.

In the early days, to me a good day was one where Shards seemed to be enjoying himself and we weren't talking about the affair. A bad day was one where we were falling down the rabbit hole into crazy emotion land, where I had almost no tools for navigating and used the ones I did have to poor effect.

For BH, it was just the opposite. It took me a long time to get that a lot of the time he seemed to be enjoying himself he was mostly just hanging on to the edge of the rabbit hole with his fingertips, trying not to fall down there and "make everything worse". For him a good day was one where he was actually able to process some of the pain from what I did and what AP did to him and from my inability to genuinely understand and acknowledge the depth of his pain.

I think the disconnect, for my part, stemmed from my reality mainly being constructed of feelings, and my seeing people and authorities outside myself as the source of those feelings. The work has been to construct a new reality that is based on using my personal values as my primary decision making tool, rather than feelings which are often fleeting and changeable. People can influence my feelings but not my values.

Just a somewhat random thought from this incrementally EvolvingSoul.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
splitintwo
♀ Member
Member # 42951
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad to read this:

I've been very deliberate today to ensure there is no drama. Some of the female guests started questioning me about how I was doing, but I just told them I was alright and BH was my only concern right now.

You were surrounded by people who, likely, would've been a drama sounding board at one point, and you didn't take the bait. That's awesome, and you should be proud of yourself.

This is, IMO, one of the greatest gifts of SI. Waywards very quickly call us on our bullshit, and we can, if it's something we truly want, begin to change our responses to situations. It's always one day at a time with every choice, every change, every response. I'm glad you were able to make a good one today while staring down temptation.


BH: 42
WW: 37
LTA ended Jan. 1, 2014; NC started in April.
Married 17 years.
No DDay; this, like all of life's decisions, is a work in progress.

My best thinking brought me to SI.


Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 5

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