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User Topic: Amazing Insight n2 Narcissist Behavior & Infidelity
angerisme
♀ Member
Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got the following excerpt from another website. I thought some here would find it cathartic in understanding the OW and whether she is really as perfect as she seems. The truth is you should PITY her because as our nightmares are ending hers have only just begun.

"Narcissists need you to think the problems in the relationship are solely your fault, and itís no different during the break up. Remember how he became particularly nasty at the end, leaving you in a heaping mess on the floor in the fetal position? That was to guarantee he held no accountability while making arrangements to move in with the new supply. Meanwhile you take the burden of the situation on your shoulders.

As painful as it is, there is a blueprint for what happened. Your abuser brainwashed you from the beginning. He hooked you in by sweeping you off your feet. Once you were completely under his spell, he began to chip away at your confidence, independence, and self-image. He masterminded a way to make you completely dependent upon his approval while destroying any support you had on the outside.

And since the relationship was doomed from the start, it was crucial for him to make you believe it was your fault when the relationship came to an end.

The New Woman

After being unceremoniously kicked to the curb, you discover your partner is living a magical fairy tale with an attractive, happy-go-lucky new partner.

Appearances can be deceiving.

You might think sheís prettier, or has a better body. Itís tortuous, especially after being conditioned by your abuser to think youíre worthless and unattractive. That he has a new partner in less than a week only intensifies these feelings. But it has nothing to do with the new woman. And it has nothing to do with you. Itís all about him and the fact that heís a predator.

He didnít choose her because of her looks, nor because of ďloveĒ. He chose her because he cannot survive alone, and she was the first one to fit the bill of new supply. While he was in the final phase of discarding you, he was conditioning her. Any observations you make regarding her looks, body, car, etc., are coincidental. Remember, he doesnít see what you see when you look at her. The only thing he sees is MEAL TICKET."


Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep!

Anyone dealing with a narcissist can find others in similar situations in ICR.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5097 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. The thing I'm learning is that, while there is no happily-ever-after for those with personality disorders such as NPD, there well can be for those they discard.

It stays confusing because, frankly, you'll never make sense of this kind of nonsense. But discovering you're on the receiving end of fraud--rather than remaining deceived--is a gift.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8700 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Allornothing
♀ Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couldn't agree more.

The really sick part in our sitch is that it was the OW who was NPD. fWH was a complete basket case by the time they were found out. Scary!


Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 186 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hit the nail on the head. I am still digging out from underneath this:

He hooked you in by sweeping you off your feet. Once you were completely under his spell, he began to chip away at your confidence, independence, and self-image. He masterminded a way to make you completely dependent upon his approval while destroying any support you had on the outside.

One day at a time...


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1255 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5

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