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User Topic: Lost.
freelancer
♀ Member
Member # 36529
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with a HB baby. WH has done many things to show his remorse and progress to lead him away from the situations that enabled his As. He has changes jobs so that he works from home 90% of the time. He has changes his cell # so that OW#1 cannot contact him. He has found us a great MC that while expensive, is really good and has helped a lot.

Why do I still not feel safe? Was too much damage done? Was there too much at once? For a brief run down: I had DD#2 at the end of September. At that point I disclosed to my family re: WH's As as I had contacted attorneys and had planned to file D. WH came home and begged for a chance. Hence the HB. Two weeks later, my mother passed away. 2 weeks after that, I found out I was pregnant.

I don't know what I'm doing. I am not even sure I am going to have him in the room when I deliver this baby. My anxiety is out of control and I feel so lost and alone.

ETA: 1 week after my due date is the 2 year antiversary of DD#1. So that is another stress, to have this baby before then. I couldn't bear for my child to have that as a birthday.

[This message edited by freelancer at 2:14 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for ur stress and pain Obviously you're going to be lost and in pain for some period of time. It does appear that your husband is doing many of the things that you required to try to feel safer. The truth is though he has betrayed your trust more than once and rebuilding that trust can take a long time. You shouldn't feel bad that it's taking time allow it to take all the time you personally need. The only thing you've given him his a chance to reearn your trust. That is not a promise or commitment that the trust will ever be there again. Only time will tell


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make sure your OB doctor is aware of your feelings. Sometimes we will set people up for induction to avoid dates.

Otherwise you've been heard.

Hugs!


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2245 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) Try to take it one day at a time. One step at a time.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your basically at 9 months in the R process it is normal to not feel safe yet.
I had a fairly straight forward R. Add in the stress of a death and a birth. It's going to take a long time.

Be kind to yourself. Love that new baby and let your H help you as much as you need it.

(((And strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8718 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
freelancer
♀ Member
Member # 36529
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your words of support. I don't have many people IRL that I can talk to about this. The friends that I had confided in before DD#2 basically turned their backs on me after I decided to give R one more chance (before the pregnancy was known). My family has been pretty supportive, I think this baby is something that is very welcomed by them, especially since 3 days before she died, my mom called me out of the blue with name suggestions for when/if we have another baby. It was completely bizarre. I got pregnant on the day she died. So I think my family finds comfort in the fact that she would be SO EXCITED for this baby. But they are all 3000 miles away.

I will definitely talk to my midwife about the induction option if I do need up going late.


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
freelancer
♀ Member
Member # 36529
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for the weekday crowd.


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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