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User Topic: Is this another Dday?
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS is supposed to be working on the timeline. He added a couple of dates onto it so I asked to read them. One, is the last encounter. WS, the HO, and one of WS's friends went to another city(it was three days after my birthday btw. I would have loved a weekend getaway but I was not worth it). I thought my WS had won the trip through work like he had in previous years. Nope. He lied. Te three of ten stayed in a hotel. WS fucked her multiple times, she gave him a handjob on the way there. I knew about most of this but I did not know, that she also screwed his friend. I asked and got a lie. See, one of his previous encounters was with another friend and her and they both did her. I'm disgusted. Truly. Not sure how I am supposed to keep going through all this stuff.

My anxiety is off the charts(yes, I am in IC). Meds aren't helping. Going to a store is enough to drive me into panic. Last night, I debated getting up and sleeping in my closet because it was safer ffs. I cannot take anymore of this crap.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't consider another D day. It is part of the *trickle truth* syndrome.

But you know what, doesn't matter what I think. If you consider it another D Day, then you can call it that. There are not hard & fast rules around infidelity vocabulary.

Sounds like your H is into threesomes? Is that news to you? Have you discussed this with him?


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6350 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess the good thing is it sounds like he's being more honest..

I'm guessing trickle truth happens so often because the WS doesn't want to admit what really happened, like they are afraid if they tell you the truth about something, it will be a dealbreaker for you.

And I think they are correct in thinking that, because so many times things come out later that you just really don't want to forgive or you can't handle..

For me, the lies were a bigger deal than the sex, but when I found out they involved the kids in their affair, that was my final dealbreaker, the one thing I knew I would never forgive..

I think trickle truth also happens because of the length of affairs and how much there is to tell. I mean, my ex was cheating with OW for over a year and a half. Think if he tried to tell me every time he lied to me, or they had sex, or where they were, or what he had told me he was doing. Considering the length of his affair, you know how long I would have had to sit there listening to him? I don't think he could have physically told me everything in less than a couple months at least..

I definitely would consider some trickle truth days to be D-Days, especially given the shock of some of the things that come out.

Try not to beat him up too bad for telling you the truth. Especially if you hope to R, I think he needs to come clean about everything, and he will clam up if you go nuts when he tells you the truth..

But I wouldn't consider yourself in R yet. I think people push for that way too soon sometimes. You are still getting the whole truth so that you can decide if YOU still want to attempt to reconcile. For now, you don't even know everything you are trying to forgive him for..

That's a huge blow honey. Sending you lots of strength and prayers. If you can, try to compartmentalize it for a bit and focus on something else. Get some rest and relaxation in and take care of yourself. You don't have to decide anything right now..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2230 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's TT, too.

Are you asking, 'Is this info horrible enough to be a deal breaker?' If that's your question, you're free to choose. If it's a deal breaker for you, you won't get much argument; in fact, I expect you'd get a lot of support. If it's not a deal breaker, you'll also get a lot of support.

You get to choose, and you're the only one who can choose for you.

(((JOMD)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10047 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The reason I asked if it was another Dday is because if the other guy was baked in the room while WS was there, I would consider him the OM. Definitely the case last time.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I was with a deviant like that who liked the MFM thing and every other kink he could get his sorry ass involved in.

I chose not to stay with him. It's not my job to spend my entire life trying to find a way to make peace with his perversion and forgiving him over and over again when he would get a hankering to get his freak flag on.

It's not YOUR job to keep forgiving this crap either, JustOneMoreDay. The guy is a deviant and this will happen again. Just because he feels bad he hurt you doesn't mean his kink just magically goes away. It's till there and will rear it's ugly head again. I've SO been there and done that.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 5:38 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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