I was convinced I had gone nuts and I felt shame for snooping.
A week or so went by and I woke up late at night -this night 1 year ago. After doing a few things, there was her carefully guarded phone - sitting out in the open again. I told myself I was nuts and to go back to bed. I was halfway back to the bedroom when I turned around and went back to her phone. Sitting in the dark I scanned it for anything unusual. Personal email, work email, txt messages... all normal. Damn, the shame felt even worse this time. But, just before putting her phone back I accidently clicked on her personal inbox picker and to my surprise another hidden email account was on her phone. It was littered with hundreds of emails of their affair, right down to the times, places, and sexual positions they had been doing.
Now I'm sitting in the dark trying to catch my breath and hold back the tears enough to capture the evidence. It was surreal and like a kick to the face.
I woke her up from a cold sleep and confronted her - long story short, she turned her back on me and never looked back. 8 months later I found myself divorced.
A year feels like both a long time and a short time. In a year I got divorced, sold my house, and bought a new house. I've done a great job of getting my life back on track, one day at a time. Other than kids, I want nothing to do with her ever again. Part of me feels like it's been a long year - lots of change, lots of new beginnings, and lots of distance and disconnect from the ex. But there is also part of me that is like 'Wow, only a year!... A year ago you thought you were in a happy marriage." It's one of those mental puzzles where time feels distorted because of the amount of emotion and life events crammed all in. What's even more weird is that something was bugging me today. It wasn't till I checked a calendar that I put 2 and 2 together and realized the significance of the date - it's weird how our biological clock / subconscious remembers this stuff.
The "year of firsts" is hard, but you sound strong!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Here's to us!
Good for you!!
Together 7 years
DDay: June 24, 2013