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Newest Member: PTSD (44945)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Visitation issues
thishurts79
♀ New Member
Member # 41668
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm separated from my H and have three kids. 2 boys 8 and 5 and a girl 6. Sometimes they don't want to go to their dads. They go for a couple hours on Sunday Wednesday and sleepover on Sat nights. My little girl does not want to sleepover. I don't want to make her go. Has anyone else had these issues? What did you do?

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2013
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state, children are not allowed to dictate their visitation. Quite frankly, there are times when Teslet does not want to come back to my place because being at dad's is so much fun. I don't talk about where he wants to go...I simply tell him when it is dad's time and when it is mom's time. He's not a grown up yet, so he doesn't get to choose. We have a calendar where I write his dad's visitation so he can keep track of where he is going.

Unless you suspect negligence at her dad's place, I would caution you from engaging in conversations of where she wants to be.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4629 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not in the same state as Tesla, but the rules are the same. Kids have no say until well into the teen years. Not having the kids available for pick up by the other parent at the times specified by your agreement would be contempt of court. My kids hate transitions (almost by definition really), so there's a lot of fuss when it's time for them to go to XH. I tell them the schedule ahead of time, and we go over who will get them from school and the next time they will see their father every morning

I never give them the impression that they have a choice. It sounds terrible and mean, but they get used to the schedule like any of their other obligations. I look at it the same way as not keeping my 8 year old home from school just because he doesn't want to go. It is a huge adjustment and both you and your ex (if that's even possible) need to be sensitive to the kids' feelings during the transition. For example, your exh should not react angrily if your dd doesn't want to stay. The kids do need time with both parents, and a steady routine as they adjust to the new pattern. Good luck, it is a tough stage for all of us with young kids.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 737 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unless they are teenagers or there is neglect or abuse happening they don't get a choice. What ever the schedule is, this is what occurs.

I would caution listening to their wants as they maybe trying to manipulate the situation or playing you off against your ex. Or they maybe concerned about leaving you alone or possibly missing out on the fun stuff you do while they are away.

I don't discuss my plans with my children while they are at their fathers for this very reason. Also so they don't inadvertently share that info with their father it is none of his business.

Ensure they know you will miss them and that is ok, but their other parent misses them while they are with you as well.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex moved right in w the tramp.Alot of the time my dd7 doesn't want to go there. If he makes her, she goes.if not i dont force her. She doesn't spend the night there because she isn't comfortable there. I think she has a say in this since she has been forced into a situation that wasnt her making. Just my opinion.

[This message edited by ideservebetter45 at 10:44 PM, May 24th (Saturday)]


Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Topic Posts: 5

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