I didn't want him to feel bad about it, I wanted to feel safe
^^^This is good stuff. I wish I had used that line when my needs were not being met. It takes away the image of the bs shaming the ws and puts the emphasis on feeling safe.
Breezy, your dd is too young to understand why you might want to R. She just doesn't have enough life experience yet. I'm sure it's hard on you to hear her say she thinks you should D. I know many people who resent the parent that was cheated on for not leaving. I believe it has something to do with a daughter identifying with the mother in such a strong way that they imagine themselves in the situation and want us to choose what they think they would want to choose for themselves. I'm sure I'm not explaining it well. A girl I know, who is the same age as my daughter, was trying to explain to me how she's pissed off at her mother for not leaving her father after he cheated. Fortunately she is a psychologist and we were able to walk through the reasons she resents her mom. It has to do with her identity being wrapped up with her mother and how seeing her mother in a weakened condition makes her question her own frailties. It was an interesting discussion and worth thinking about.