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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Seriously?!?
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been steadfast in having NC with the stbxh. I filed a divorce complaint, he signed and immediately moved AP into our marital home. Stbxh just texted me this morning: "Been meeting with IC and you have been part of the discussion for the last two weeks. Please search your heart. Deep down inside is a divorce what you really want? You don't have to answer right away, in fact I hope you give it some thought and consideration before you do." What on earth? I have no words to adequately express how completely dumbfounded I am by this text! False R for a year while he took the A underground, the AP is now living with him in our home and he can actually ask this question?? Anyone care to take a stab at what the hell is going on here?

[This message edited by lovehonorcherish at 11:34 AM, May 22nd (Thursday)]


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he's having second thoughts. now that you are no longer his, he's starting to be more attracted. he's measuring his AP against you and she's coming up wanting.

But clearly, he's a cake-eater. He doesn't have the courage to kick her out unless he has you clamoring back. he simply doesn't have the integrity.

he didn't divorce you first before he started dating. he hasn't kicked her out before he tries to drag you back.

you could ignore him, or you could say, "don't text me again until you kick her out. clearly you're still a lying manipulative asshole. for your own sake, learn to be honorable. if you want someone other than her, you owe her the decency of kicking her out before you test the waters. you effing chickenshit. "

[This message edited by mike7 at 7:56 AM, May 22nd (Thursday)]


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 516 | Registered: Mar 2013
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What goes through their heads? He is living with the OW, yet texts you that shit? He is delusional.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is trying to keep the bakery open. He is trying to figure out a way to get his life back to that "ideal" time when he had a wife and a mistress but the wife coexisted with the mistress. He is forgetting the fact that the ONLY reason that the wife coexisted was because the wife was clueless about the mistress.

So that is what he want. He wants you AND he wants her. It is not a either-or with many unremorseful WS. They do not choose between 2 women (or men), instead the choose both.

I would respond with crickets.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suggest this response -

"Been busy getting my life in order and moving on for the last two weeks. Please search your head. It's obvsiously shoved far up your ass. Your girlfriend is living in our home so it is obvious that YOU want a divorce. I want a divorce because it should be obvious to you the three people in a marraige is unacceptable to me. You don't have to respond to me right away. In fact, don't. The only response I want from is that you have received the petition."


Me- BS (44)
WW (41)
DS - 9, 12
M - 16yrs

Divorced - 5/23/14


Posts: 402 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

seriously! a remorseful wayward would do everything under the sun to show you he wants you back. he would already have AP moving out. he would be doing everything you asked him to do while in false R.

I gave my X a roadmap of what remorse would look like to me. At one point he offered to move in ot the basement and give me every password under the sun. Problem was that he still didn't quit seeing OW. I wasn't going to make that choice for him. He had to do it on his own. He never did.

To this day, he will tell you or anyone else that he was too afraid of being alone so he didn't want to dump OW in case I couldn't forgive him in the end. Sometimes their own fear and ego override what their heart and common sense want. You can not make him make good choices. Until he does it on his own he's just another wayward. If he calls you and says "i threw AP out can we go see an MC" then maybe I might think about it.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8407 | Registered: Apr 2008
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I made the mistake of thinking that filing for a divorce made my intentions perfectly clear: I searched my heart and discovered that I no longer wanted to be married to a cake eating, fence sitting cheat of a husband who tossed me away like a piece of garbage! It's an easy concept to grasp...at least from where I'm sitting. Ugh! His utter cluelessness drives me completely up a wall!


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love Jduff's response


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1742 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I always get great responses when I come here for help! I really liked Mike7 and Jduffs responses too I am going to stick with crickets...less drama for me and a more effective way to deal with him!

[This message edited by lovehonorcherish at 8:59 AM, May 22nd (Thursday)]


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I going to stick with crickets...less drama for me and a more effective way to deal with him!

The best idea.


Me- BS (44)
WW (41)
DS - 9, 12
M - 16yrs

Divorced - 5/23/14


Posts: 402 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I made the mistake of thinking that filing for a divorce made my intentions perfectly clear

Giving him crickets will drive the message home.

Don't buckle now. Hold fast to strict NC. Anything you send him will just feed the beast.

If he does by some miracle pull his head out of his arse and find true remorse then he'll take steps to fix WTFever is wrong with him. This is just the same manipulative bullshit that has previously worked on you. Nothing more, nothing less.

It is maddening but he'll soon revert back to Mr Hyde and trust me - you do not want to feed that beast any ego kibbles. Starve that fucker.

I can't believe he sent this with AP in your house. I mean I'm not surprised but I'm shocked at the gall of it. That is so fucked up.

I'd be tempted to forward it to his whore and ask her to keep her ho' on a leash. It would be as funny as hell but that would feed the beast too.

Thinking up funny responses that you'll never send can be cathartic. Sending them is not.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5440 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I'd go with crickets too. Although, if you were feeling mean...forward it to the OW

Umm, actually. Seriously, maybe you should? Yes she's the OW, but he's wanting to cheat on her and we all know how that feels.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you SBB and heed your advice. I most definitely do not want to feed the beast! Crickets works for me.


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Softcentre but the AP is on her own. She has walked this walk before. She has been married and divorced twice and this current affair she is in with my stbxh makes affair number three for her. At this moment in time I am unable to summon one bit of sympathy or compassion for her...I think turnabout is fair play.


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Softcentre but the AP is on her own. She has walked this walk before. She has been married and divorced twice and this current affair she is in with my stbxh makes affair number three for her. At this moment in time I am unable to summon one bit of sympathy or compassion for her...I think turnabout is fair play.

Wow, what an example of lather,wash,repeat! Can't imagine the destruction she's left in her wake, and yet she keeps doing it?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The poor widdle muffin isn't handling rejection from you very well.

It's like these egotistical pieces of shit always think everyone still loves them, and they get to choose. Well look at that FuckTard! You aren't as special as you thought you were!

Yeah, crickets for both. Good gracious


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2005 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crickets crickets crickets!


Me: BS 46
Him: LCB--lying, cheating bastard 50
D-Day 4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 532 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya know.... if you give him crickets then he'll just think that you are considering not divorcing him. He did say, "you don't have to answer right away". Do you really want him to think you are considering it? I know I wouldn't. A simple, "Yes, I want a divorce" should suffice.

Sheesh....


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3072 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have a point, Snapdragon. However, I have maintained NC because it is too emotionally draining for me to engage in all this drama and ridiculousness. I have made my intention to move on with my life abundantly clear...how he interprets (or misinterprets) my actions is no longer any of my concern.


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how he interprets (or misinterprets) my actions is no longer any of my concern.

Ding! Ding! Ding!! We have a winner!!
Crickets is the way to go.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6077 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 26
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