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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: being a single parent
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like that I'm a parent. I don't like that I'm a single parent, sometimes, and feel kind of cheated by my XWW.

Oh wait, she did cheat on me, so I guess that's a natural feeling. :)

Anyway, just venting.. most days I don't feel this, but I feel it today.


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2012
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days are just rough. It's a lot of work doing it on your own. But you'll make it.
(((PIC)))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the work.. and it's also emotional stuff. I had someone who I trusted completely. Now I don't. And it's very hard for me to trust new people, even new friends. It happens very slowly over long periods of time.

My dad and XWW both took my trust and used it to hurt me. I hope I can learn to be more vulnerable with people (not TOO vulnerable--but when people deserve trust, you know..) and as a result feel more of a connection.


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2012
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also dislike being a single parent. And I truly am, 24-7, because my girls have zero contact with the Doosh. Sometimes it makes me sad for the girls, sometimes it makes me mad for me.

This isn't what I signed up for when we got married. He knew I never wanted to be a single parent.

Most of the time it is really ok. Better, actually, than when I was married because he was such a selfish dick a lot of the time. But I still wish I had another person I could talk to about the kids- when they do something great, silly, exciting..


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right there with you. I didn't sign on to do this alone either. I'm with all three of mine 99.5% of the time.

Its exhausting. Only my youngest has any relationship with stbxh. On the flipside, my older two are 16 and 18 so its easier with them in some aspects.

It does suck though when you vow your life to someone and have babies with them and they walk away like they have no responsibility or obligations.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I work a full-time job and have my daughter the rest of the time. She hasn't seen her real father since she was 9 months old....his choice. She will be 22 months old soon. Its been a year this month since he last saw her and it was only because I took him to Social Services.

Its hard doing it on my own.... but I'm thankful he is not a part of her life. She deserves better than him. And, I'm glad he stepped away. I hope he never has the strength to get that rock off his head again.....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This isn't what I signed up for when we got married.

^^^^^^^^^ Agree 100% ^^^^^^^^

I never wanted to be a single parent. I certainly never wanted to be a parent who only saw my kids 50% of the time. But that is the big fat shit sandwich I was handed. Her - she claimed she needed to be a part time parent. She needed her breaks from our oldest (on the spectrum). It didn't take me long to figure it all out. She never had to be a single parent. Got married 4 months after the divorce was final. She had her plan. It didn't include the family she had helped create and it certainly didn't include me.

But I get the satisfaction that I am the parent they can rely on. I will be there for them when they need me. And at this point, that is all I can worry about.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kinda like it.

STBX wasn't super involved. If anything, he was a super stick in the mud and never wanted to do anything. DD and I are always out and about. Because if I stay in she drives me cray-zee. My parents were saying that I am always doing stuff with DD. I am lucky to live in an area with lots of free stuff. So I do it. STBX never wanted to do any of it.

The lows is that I don't get time to myself. I wish STBX was more involved and took her on his weekends so that I could go be a grown up every now and then.

Being a single parent is totally awesome compared to being a married parent if I had to be married to STBX.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PIC,

I hear you. While it has gotten easier for me--I no longer sob while doing the laundry, which was my XW's "job"--I still have many moments in which I find myself saying, "I didn't want this, I didn't want this...." As well as many emotional moments in which I think, "We should be experiencing this as a family..."

I feel lots of anger and lots of sadness. But I am a great dad. My kids feel safe and protected with me. I am responsible and drama-free. My home is a "safe place." They know they are loved. This is all we can do. Our hands were forced.

Hang in there, Dad. (( ))


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another SP here, with a 10 month old and 11 year old.

It's so many differnt emotions, all at once.

We, who live on in the aftermath, are the stronger person. We did not run but stayed the course. Yes, we certainly have been cheated.

Our personal lives are on hold so that our children can survive. Daily this is in my mind and I will share it here. ETA that without us, what would our children have? For they did not choose their new lot in life, either.

We can carry on, we can even thrive.

When in doubt, look into the eyes of your children. At times it is so hard there is nothing left. But, there is strength there. Accomplishments we can physically measure.

I hear their laughter and think ...they got through the day safely again, another day of their life passed ok, because of all that I did for them.

There is no other way.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 5:01 PM, June 22nd (Sunday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel better about being a single parent now that I've discovered that I'm able to leave the place I live and go to another state (XW is moving to the same place). I feel more free to define my life. Also I'm thankful for my kid.


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 11

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