I think any man being treated like a 10 year old and being told he can't watch porn and he can't fantasize about anyone but his wife is going to eventually resent being treated like that and it will cause a lot of problems.
No, I don't see porn as 'cheating.' I see cheating as cheating.
We will watch as a couple, but those instances are few and far between.
I do not view it as cheating, but I do see how it played a role in the slippery slope that led to his affair. As everything in life, it varies depending on the couple/people involved.
I'm not controlling his life. I am controlling what I am willing to tolerate in mine. And being tossed aside for porn is not something I am willing to tolerate, anymore. If he wants to chose porn over me, that's his decision... But I won't hang around while he does it. He will be single.
By the way, that was his attitute about the prostitute, too. It was unfair of me to rob him of this opportunity for hot NSA sex. He deserved it... And I was unable to give him that.
The stuff he does, everything he does, affects me. His sex life? Yeah, that is 100% my business. Because his sex life IS my sex life. If he wants to control that by himself, then he doesn't need to be married. Until then, I have equal right, and equal say in how he gets off.
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 7:47 AM, May 18th (Sunday)]
For me, he was cheating LONG before he put his dick in her... Porn had always been in between us, in terms of intimacy. Porn could be any girl he wanted it to be. Can't compete with that."
Are we married to the same person? Your situation is eerily similar to mine.
I honestly don't think my WH could ever give up porn. It's one of the things I have to figure out if I can live with.
Together 13 years, married for 8
Just my opinion
I'm not controlling his life. I am controlling what I am willing to tolerate in mine.
AMEN!!!! <<<<<STANDING OVATION>>>>>
If it effects your sex life that is one thing, but otherwise there are worse alternatives.
Worse? As in degrees of badness...degrees of lying? Degrees of mentally lusting for another sexually?
Angles have degrees....lies, lust, murder, violence, preganancy...not so much. Those types of situations, really can't be measured in degrees IMO.
This is one of my least favorite arguments in favor of any behavior over that of another.
I was shocked at how quickly he gave up porn. Originally, when I said it, I was sure it was his dealbreaker. But, it wasn't. He gave it up on dday2, and the last 6 months have been the best sex we have ever had... Even better than the sex we had while still in our late 20's.
The fact is, if it is hurting you, then he should be willing to give it up. If he views it as "controlling his life like a 10 year old boy" then he doesn't get marriage, at all.
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 12:00 PM, May 18th (Sunday)]
Porn fantasy played a part in my FWH's EA (maybe PA,?) with his old high school girlfriend of years-back. So yes, I "forbid" him to utilize porn in my presense after my 2nd Dday (same old girlfriend). Control over him has nothing to do with it. Control over my peaceful life direction did. Even though I think my H acted 10 years old with all of his lies to cover lies to not get caught. He has a brain of his own to think-on to decide his own choices.
If his choice was porn, among other demands on my part, then his choice was also to be without me. Because, since Dday, sipping wine with him again would be a painful-heart headache. Although we are in a great life for several years again now, if there is ever a 3rd Dday, I am already gone. For my situation, YES, porn is cheating.
As a side-note, If you have been betrayed in a cheating relationship, I feel it is a duty to your well-being to layout requests/demands of what is acceptable behavior from that point on (if staying together). Please, speak-up and make it crystal clear as to what you will not tolerate in going forward together. "You've got to nip-it in the bud". Peace to all.
I am asking because I wonder, does anyone on here consider those romance type "novels" that many women read as porn?
My wife seemed to start reading those right before and during her affair. I have no idea if they mattered or not, she says no.
I know the few times I flipped through the books, they were quite sexual and I doubt they had much of a plot.
Or is porn pictures only?
My husband read a lot of "erotica" during his porn daze. In fact, all of his entertainment was porn-ish... Even sexually explicit comics. He cut out regular movies and television. He only watched porn, read porn, and even looked at and read fan fiction porn involving the characters of his favorite video game. He looked at porn on his phone at work. Even after he "finished", he continued to look at porn.