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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wedding weekend
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My brother is getting married today. I'm working hard to stay centered and calm. Didn't see this trigger coming. It was the wedding program that I proofread that got me. "Love Never Fails".

Isit too early to sample the wedding wine?


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Sunsets)) No it's not too early just don't sample too much or you'll be the next YouTube sensation. Try to find some happiness for your brother and the bride and hang onto a little for yourself. By all means, have a little fun.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1701 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there and try not to drink too much. It will make you more emotional than you are.

Hug your brother, tell him and his bride congrats, and remember that you got a raw deal... Not everyone does, but you did. :(


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3535 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Certainly not too early for some wine. Just a tad though honey

I filed for divorce, and 8 days later I attended my cousin's wedding. It was a particularly hard one for me because her husband is awesome. Fun-loving, happy go lucky, gets along with everyone, just a blast to be around. There was definitely some sadness and jealousy, but even then, I started seeing what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like..

I don't recommend idolizing anyone, but I think it helps to observe and start making some mental notes of what you want and DO NOT want in your future relationships.

Hugs to you today. I'll give you an extra 100 points if you join in the electric slide


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2064 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was really difficult. I almost left.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((sunset)))))


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2064 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't though. You made it through, hang on to that


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1701 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Sunsets)))))

I'm sorry. Sending you some strength. If you need to step away from the reception briefly and can get away with it, do that. But try and hang in there and have a little fun dancing or connecting with family. And if there's anyone you can share your feelings with who would understand that might help.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sitting in my room crying. I decided I just need to get this out. I fought it all day but I'll just do this and go back to the party. Thanks for the kind words and support. This sucks


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Destroyed121813
♀ New Member
Member # 42657
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should find a groomsman and have a quickie in the coat closet before getting drunk.

Love may never fail - according to the program - but lust can be an elixir for those that have to deal with their love.


Married 11yrs, known 12
DDay 12/18/13
BW 42
WS 42 (SA with what can only be described as NPD)
2 great kids - Both 10

Posts: 40 | Registered: Mar 2014
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good move on taking some time for you before going back. It is hard. I was the maid of honor at a wedding three weeks ago. I had to give the damn first toast. Really.

I have some wedding survival tips for ya:

1) Find the kids table. Yep, they think the event is nonsense too. I totally hung out for a good half hour and colored and, you know, discussed why Oscar the grouch is so grouchy. I refrained from suggesting he had been smacked by infidelity.

2) Find the oldest person in the room and strike up a conversation with them. I found out the older folks thought the elaborate wedding was silly. There was no spouting about "love never fails." Just some talk about not liking the ill fitting tux. No one makes anything well these days, ya know....

3) Talk to one stranger. I actually met the guy who invented teflon pan coating. Seriously. He just wanted to talk about something interesting...which, not surprisingly, did not include the phrase "love never fails" (probably because it is an excedingly false statement - even in the best of relationships - and the guy is a scientist and does not spew nonsense).

4) Get busy helping out. Look for folks struggling and lend a hand. Cousin sitting alone and uncomfortable about it? Mom can't get a refill because Aunt Bertie won't shut the hell up? No one wants to be first to dance? You are needed and can help.

5) Know that it is okay to escape to the bathroom, your room, outside for a deep breath anytime you need to. You can do this.


Posts: 905 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This first wedding I went to I wavered between weeping at the beauty and simplicity of it and cynicism and anger at the naïveté of it.

Angered by their blissful ignorance as much as I was envious of it.

It didn't help that they used some of the same poetry. Holy
Trigger City.

I've been to 2 more weddings since then and whilst I still don't believe "Love Never Fails" it doesn't cause a reaction in me anymore.

You'll get through this. Remember that you weren't the one who failed at marriage - she did.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take care of yourself. This is a shitty experience. I haven't been to a wedding, but I can only imagine how hard it will be once I have to go. I found out recently that my brother is planning on proposing to his long time girlfriend. It was hard not to display any cynicism.


“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” ― Noam Chomsky

Posts: 682 | Registered: Dec 2013
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I took a thousand steps back. I don't know anymore. I worked my ass off. I tickled the shit out of my 3 year old niece. I can't find it.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I took a thousand steps back. I don't know anymore. I worked my ass off. I tickled the shit out of my 3 year old niece. I can't find it.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BFF s wedding was just a month after my first marriage split and I hooked up w a groomsman it's a big joke now. Lol. So you did better than me!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4442 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry brother. First wedding I went to was horrible , I cried I was angry , I left early , way before the cake. But I got through it as you did. Not too many firsts anymore , I'm a year into divorce and although it still sucks I am finally moving on. All the best brother stay strong!!!


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 622 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some posted here once: "I'm moving forward, always forward, even if I'm sometimes crawling."

I remember it popping into my head as I lay curled up on the floor (literally) sobbing my eyes out just like DD all over again. It gave me comfort.

You're still moving forward, friend. I hope it gives you comfort too.

There are no words I can say that will make the dips go away right now. They are necessary and I hate them as much as you do.

We all think the worst is behind us then BAM - it feels like you've stepped on a mine.

This wasn't just a wedding - it was a close family wedding. That would be tougher than anything. You made it through, OK. Let yourself feel it without being angry about it.

It feels like a thousand steps back but it really isn't. Grief is a part of healing - it's a speed bump, not a roadblock.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It felt like moving backwards--but now it's one more thing you've gotten through, even if you had to drag yourself to the other side by the skin of your teeth.

One day (hopefully soon)you'll be proud of yourself for fighting the good fight, for giving your all with your niece, for coming out battered and bruised but intact.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Sunsetslost))

Respect brother. You were there for family. Your brother will appreciate it, and with some distance you will be proud of yourself for making yourself be there.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 649 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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