Topic: Now he wants to talk
Member # 28362
| Posted: 3:35 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
He now wants us to meet Saturday and talk. To be honest I have nothing to say to him but if I agree to meeting him.
What kind of things should I ask? He will lie about another woman. He will lie about this being planned although it very obviously was.
I really would like to know what or who set this off other than him. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 30221
| Posted: 3:41 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
If you're done, you are done.
Way better uses of your time than this.
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Member # 21964
| Posted: 3:46 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
Talk about what? How he loves you but is not in love with you? Fuck that guy. He just wants to spout more words at you to bamboozle you into accepting whatever ridiculous thing he wants now (e.g. an easy D where he takes you for a ride).
Don't agree to meet him. If you have to respond just say "Talk about what? That you're a cheater that isn't good enough for me? I already know that so, no thanks."
Seriously 180, close the bakery, find a D lawyer etc. etc. etc. *If* your WH pulls his head out of his ass it won't present to you as "let's talk".
"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand
Posts: 3091 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 40173
| Posted: 4:22 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
If you really must go to this meeting I would advise the following:
1. Make it in a very public place.
2. Don't expect much. You sit down, and tell him to talk. If he starts making excuses or accusing you of anything, then you stand up, say thank you for wasting your time, and walk out. Don't bother responding.
3. Don't ask anything. If he is truly trying to find a way to help you (I.e show remorse) then he will. You won't have to ask or say anything.
Treat him like a shady car salesman, that you are ready to walk away from the moment the soft shoe starts tapping.
Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S
Posts: 698 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40115
| Posted: 4:34 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
If you do decide to meet him, here are some ideas of what to ask.
- Is he willing to meet your requirements for R? (I'm assuming you have some.) Full disclosure and transparency. Complete NC with the AP. IC and MC.
- Does he consider this separation therapeudic or a prelude to divorce? If therapeudic, there should be no dating of other people.
- Does he have a lawyer yet and what is his/her name and number?
- How will you handle the joint bills and household expenses? He is still responsible for them.
- When is he moving out and what is he taking with him? He should not be allowed to take household items without your approval. I suggest having someone there to supervise him (not you).
- What is her name and does your state have Alienation of Affection Laws? (Oops, sorry, that's a question for your lawyer.)
- Here is an e-mail address he may contact you at. Please keep it to financial issues only. Discussion about the M can be done in MC. (Sorry again, that's not a question.)
As for questions about "what set this off," only a trained therapist could possibly answer that. The only thing anyone can say with certainty is you did not start this.
Edited to correct stupid typos.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 21791
| Posted: 4:42 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
This guy??? The guy who already has an apartment and took off his wedding ring? This guy is a first class ass and I am angry on your behalf.
I know he is way ahead of me in planning thins and I have to play catch up but when I went to the bank I can't access the account where most of the money is. I can't verify phone calls, credit card receipts or anything he has covered his tracks well. I'm thinking PI now because I need ammunition.
I know that this is difficult and painful, the push-pull, but you need to find your anger. Tell him if he has anything to say, it should be from his attorney to yours.
Married 21 years
Two sons 21 and 23 in college
Posts: 1453 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 5:15 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014|
He just wants to convince you that he really is a 'nice guy'. Your best bet is to continue to 180 him and move on with your life.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Posts: 20173 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 28362
| Posted: 6:55 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014|
I am not talking to him. I decided that he wants out and he can have it but it's going to cost him. He know that but he doesn't have a clue.
I will be doing a lot of talking but not to him. We have over twenty five years together or at least in the same vicinity.
Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 36134
| Posted: 7:17 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014|
He can "want to ________" all he wants.
What do you want?
You don't have to do anything he wants anymore.
If you do decide to go, sit and let him talk, you don't have to discuss anything with him.
My XH would use the " I'd like to talk " carrot to get me to listen to how HE figured our divorce would go. How he would take care of me and the kids, how we would divide the household goods. I let him go on and on and on. In the end, my divorce looks nothing like he envisioned.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 5096 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
|Topic Posts: 9|