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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: some powerful hate
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what's going on with me today. I have filed divorce papers, stbxh has been served and on the whole I have tried to remain as positive as possible. But right now, in this moment, I am so filled with hate that it's almost taking my breath away. I hate stbxh for throwing 17 years of our life out the window, I hate the AP for being a willing participant in the destruction of my life and marriage, I hate feeling that I wasn't enough of a woman to keep stbxh faithful, I hate the idea that the two of them are going to get the "happily ever after" that should have been mine! And most of all I hate myself for not being able to kick his ass to the curb and never looking back! I hate myself for wishing things could have turned out differently for us! I hate that little tiny corner of my heart that still feels love for a man who has shown himself to be a weak, selfish, morally bankrupt coward. I hate that my marriage failed!


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hell yes, I understand this!!! Must be something in the air. (I just posted a rant myself ) While the hate is worrisome, it's easier to deal with than the crushing despair. I'm thinking it's therapeudic ice cream time!

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 3:10 PM, May 16th (Friday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lovehonorcherish))))

Don't blame yourself for still feeling love or for not drawing the line sooner. We are all human and it takes our hearts time to catch up. Spare yourself some self-compassion, you need it! Forgive yourself for not being stronger and know you are stronger now. Forgive yourself for mourning and honor the feeling of grief instead of beating yourself up for having it.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4017 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And most of all I hate myself for not being able to kick his ass to the curb and never looking back! I hate myself for wishing things could have turned out differently for us! I hate that little tiny corner of my heart that still feels love for a man who has shown himself to be a weak, selfish, morally bankrupt coward

Please don't hate yourself. Direct it all toward him. This whole thing is much newer to you than it is to him. He had time to get used to the idea when he was screwing around! He kept you blind to that whole decision.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support everyone. I usually feel better after I vent here! Gemini71...a little mocha cappuccino ice cream did wonders for me too : )


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel. The hatred I felt, and sometimes do occasionally feel, actually scared me. I have never hated someone so much in my life.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3266 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After D-day, I felt the most intensive hatred...toward everything. Channel it somewhere...especially channel it away from yourself. I used my hatred and anger to run the fastest marathon of my life.

I still have bouts of hatred toward ex-shat due to shit still going on with him. But I do my best to channel it to places where I can improve myself.

For some, it's just a part of the process. Being mindful of that and having outlets really helps.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 7

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