James Russell Lowell — 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'
It's different when posting. Nobody follows the rules then.
Get the difference!!
Bottom line, better to file for divorce. You don't have to go through with it if things change. It takes a year or so. But it does get WW attention like nothing else. If she wants to R, that will force her hand. If not, might as well start moving on with your new life.
[This message edited by Nitrobob at 9:51 AM, June 26th (Thursday)]
its a tough road you are on. you have us for support!
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
In the first paragraph, change "choose" to "chose". Present tense vs. past tense.
"...committed to that person I chose to M..."
"...you chose to be in this M."
Third person references to God should be capitalized. Him, He, etc. (at least that's the way I learned it, but I could be wrong)
Other than what you wrote, and Nitro's corrections it looks good. Strength to you in this brother.
"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony
2 Cor 12:9-10
If that's your motivation, I'm afraid you're tilting at windmills. All that letter will do is boost her ego and confirm to her the power she still holds over you. Having her served with divorce papers with no piece of your heart attached will send a much more powerful message and be much healthier for you in the long run.
She is gone. For your own sake, it's time for you to work towards acceptance of that fact and start working on your own healing. The process of divorce and self-recovery is hard but it works and in your case, it's necessary. Trust the process.
[This message edited by h0peless at 12:37 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]
I saw a lawyer and moved out. Thats when WW admitted or started admitting everything and got us to MC which got us to psychologist then to psychiatrist then to bipolar dx then to treatment then to R.
It all started with ACTION.I was scared to death of losing her, but I learned on this site that sometimes you have to take a chance to have a prayer of winning. With 2 minutes to go losing by 5, you have to throw the ball. That's filing D.You might still lose the game, but it's the only hope of winning it.
So I agree, forget the letter and just file D. In R, you'll get all the time you need to explain your reasoning, and if you D, you really don't need to explain anything.
Anything you say can and will,be used against you in a court of law.
Those words,are true words, not just a rote recitation
If you are going D route, you may be in a court of law. Telling STBXW that you'll miss her, you love her,etc., won't look,too,good,there. Detach. She doesn't care what you think, she only cares about how she feels. She'll glance over any letter you give her to see how weak you are. That's what she cares about. Don't do it.
Never posted to you. But...Don't send the letter. She doesn't care. She'll use it against you either in court or to prove to herself she didn't mess up that bad (after all you still care for her).
I wrote my W a letter in response to an email she sent me while in the fog. She sent it to her WBFF and got a good laugh at my expense. I saw said WBFF's response to WW. Something about what a sad pathetic puppy I was. Then she helped WW take the EA to PA. Yeah Me!
There's an old adage on SI - sometimes you have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it. Filing D shows her that with actions. It's a strong wind that can blow away the fog. It isn't a panacea, but anecdotally it works.
All the W to H cards are, "I've learned to put up with your belching and farting so I guess I'll keep you around a bit longer."
All the H to W ones are, "I worship the ground you walk on and aren't fit to lick the peanuts out of your shit. Without you I'd throw myself off a cliff to end the hollow, meaningless existence I'd be forced to tolerate having."
Where the hell are the ones that say, "You fucking craven whore. You carved my heart out with a rusty spoon, then shit in the hole left behind. The only time you considered how much your affairs would destroy me was the passing thought of it that only gave you a slight chuckle as you greedily swallowed another man's cum. Why the fuck haven't I kicked you to the curb?"