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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 20
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you very much.I will use it. My grammar is not that good, so I appreciate it. Other wise, do you think the message is straight forward and clear and straight to the point.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I liked it, it was clearly from the heart. I updated the edit a bit, so put it back in word and re read it yourself. Grammer is the last thing on your mind right now, I just figured if she shows the letter around, you would want it to be reasonably correct in that regard.I'm no English major either!


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its different when posting, nobody cares about the rules then....

It's different when posting. Nobody follows the rules then.

Get the difference!!


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One last thing. The conventional wisdom is that letters don't work. A letter is NOT an action, and will be disregarded. The king of England wasn't persuaded by the declaration of independence, and nothing you write can compare to that!

Bottom line, better to file for divorce. You don't have to go through with it if things change. It takes a year or so. But it does get WW attention like nothing else. If she wants to R, that will force her hand. If not, might as well start moving on with your new life.

[This message edited by Nitrobob at 9:51 AM, June 26th (Thursday)]


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Nitro.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to file for divorce in conjunction with the letter.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

im sorry LS.

its a tough road you are on. you have us for support!


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 543 | Registered: Jan 2014
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I hate this. I really do.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate that you had to write that letter LS. If it's not too late, I did see a couple of corrections to add. Please don't take any of this as me being an ass.

In the first paragraph, change "choose" to "chose". Present tense vs. past tense.
"...committed to that person I chose to M..."
"...you chose to be in this M."

Third person references to God should be capitalized. Him, He, etc. (at least that's the way I learned it, but I could be wrong)

Other than what you wrote, and Nitro's corrections it looks good. Strength to you in this brother.


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony
2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 262 | Registered: Dec 2012
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I will correct it. Do you think I should actually send this. So far, the Women on this site say no...


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are you hoping to accomplish by sending the letter, LS? I ask that because when I was in your emotional state, a letter like that would have been sent in hopes that it would have woken my ex up and hopefully averted the divorce.

If that's your motivation, I'm afraid you're tilting at windmills. All that letter will do is boost her ego and confirm to her the power she still holds over you. Having her served with divorce papers with no piece of your heart attached will send a much more powerful message and be much healthier for you in the long run.

She is gone. For your own sake, it's time for you to work towards acceptance of that fact and start working on your own healing. The process of divorce and self-recovery is hard but it works and in your case, it's necessary. Trust the process.

[This message edited by h0peless at 12:37 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS,

I saw a lawyer and moved out. Thats when WW admitted or started admitting everything and got us to MC which got us to psychologist then to psychiatrist then to bipolar dx then to treatment then to R.

It all started with ACTION.I was scared to death of losing her, but I learned on this site that sometimes you have to take a chance to have a prayer of winning. With 2 minutes to go losing by 5, you have to throw the ball. That's filing D.You might still lose the game, but it's the only hope of winning it.


So I agree, forget the letter and just file D. In R, you'll get all the time you need to explain your reasoning, and if you D, you really don't need to explain anything.


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your right. Just file. I keep wasting brain power on things that won't work.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever watch any police shows on TV? Ever hear of a Miranda warning?

Anything you say can and will,be used against you in a court of law.

Those words,are true words, not just a rote recitation

If you are going D route, you may be in a court of law. Telling STBXW that you'll miss her, you love her,etc., won't look,too,good,there. Detach. She doesn't care what you think, she only cares about how she feels. She'll glance over any letter you give her to see how weak you are. That's what she cares about. Don't do it.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS,

Never posted to you. But...Don't send the letter. She doesn't care. She'll use it against you either in court or to prove to herself she didn't mess up that bad (after all you still care for her).

I wrote my W a letter in response to an email she sent me while in the fog. She sent it to her WBFF and got a good laugh at my expense. I saw said WBFF's response to WW. Something about what a sad pathetic puppy I was. Then she helped WW take the EA to PA. Yeah Me!

FTW. 180.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS,

There's an old adage on SI - sometimes you have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it. Filing D shows her that with actions. It's a strong wind that can blow away the fog. It isn't a panacea, but anecdotally it works.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3923 | Registered: Dec 2011
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Temp t/j:
I fucking hate buying anniversary cards! It was bad enough pre-dday, but with this being the second one since dday I'm just as pissed as last year if not moreso.
All the "our anniversary" cards talk about this great special loving bond that can't be broken by all the powers of the universe.

All the W to H cards are, "I've learned to put up with your belching and farting so I guess I'll keep you around a bit longer."

All the H to W ones are, "I worship the ground you walk on and aren't fit to lick the peanuts out of your shit. Without you I'd throw myself off a cliff to end the hollow, meaningless existence I'd be forced to tolerate having."

Where the hell are the ones that say, "You fucking craven whore. You carved my heart out with a rusty spoon, then shit in the hole left behind. The only time you considered how much your affairs would destroy me was the passing thought of it that only gave you a slight chuckle as you greedily swallowed another man's cum. Why the fuck haven't I kicked you to the curb?"

end t/j


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony
2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 262 | Registered: Dec 2012
Alonelyagain
♂ Member
Member # 32820
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS: My WW divorced her 1st husband 5 to 10 years before we even first met. She maintains a divorce folder in a filing cabinet, and needed the divorce decree in order to show that we were legally able to get married. After DD1, I looked through that file a found a similar pre-D letter from her first H. I don't recall there being any reference to cheating, but will search for it again later tonight. My point is that WW saved this letter for 15 to 20 years or more. I suspect that WW sees that letter as absolving her of any guilt that she may have in ending her first M.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New Jersey
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH, LOL!!!!


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't hold back WTH - tell us how you really feel.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3923 | Registered: Dec 2011
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