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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 20
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My wife was dragging her ass home after 2 a.m. on Friday nights, finding excuses to leave our office 2 hours early, texting excessively, etc.

Hey, your wife was at least returning the same night. Mine would take 'weekends at the beach'. Turns out OM lives near the beach. She'd take 'weekends in the forest'. Turns out OM and her were setting up a business there together as their "exit plan" (they were going to take my kids to live there, too, possibly without telling me) - My L and I have emails of their (still very early) dealings with the real estate developer and the planning commission, the locations they saw together and her emails to him at 3AM all excited about the business possibilities of the places they scouted. Amber alert anyone?

And same as you, I had no idea DDay-1.

Now all that is done and over with, and she doesn't see OM -she says. The Ls and the court have made it clear that she can't move my kids of range from here as long as I continue to want 50/50 custody - which will be until the kids grow up.

Today, she still wonders why I don't like the beach anymore and she continues to send pictures of the kids at that forest even though she knows it triggers me. I don't react - I can't react or she'll continue doing it forever - but it's just a world of hurt.

I'll get better and appreciate nature again. I've put that forest - which is famous and I've never visited myself - in my bucket list, maybe with my next woman as a nice way to make my own romantic memories, years from now. Just not now. Not yet.

My next trip is actually to the desert. It has its own kind of natural beauty, and WW hates it. That's good enough for me.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 710 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

marital security can be its own fog, it seems.

Raises hand.

Sal said it. Nothing really to add. What hurts is I *thought* I knew her. I really thought I'd be able to tell she was cheating. I was a complete fucking idiot. It was just heaped onto the other things I wasn't good at but thought I was. Like dancing when I'm drunk .


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
outside4me
♂ Member
Member # 42430
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well Played:
My next trip is actually to the desert. It has its own kind of natural beauty, and WW hates it.
Awesome. I live close to both mountains and desert, love 'em both for different reasons, but usually default to desert. Better chance at getting away from people. Delicate environment, hardy plants and creatures, spectacular scenery. Desert rat at heart, always will be.

Posts: 218 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


And same as you, I had no idea DDay-1.

No clue. It could still be going on if she hadn't told me (not out do guilt or remorse, rather to speed up the GTFO process)

In retrospect I see it clearly now. Even a night she didn't come home. I missed half a day of work, filed a police report out of concern. I put the excuse in her mouth I was so naive. "So you had a few too many and did the responsible thing and didn't drive, right?"

Because I didn't want to believe it was even a possibility., a consideration, a thought in her head. Even a fantasy. I know now and it makes me wonder about the future.
ETA: yop, pour me one, will ya?

[This message edited by sunsetslost at 6:44 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)]


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure a lot of people probably say this, but right now I think that if R doesn't work out, I'm done with women. Stick a fork in me. Too much hassle, too much drama, too much guesswork and luck involved.

I'll dedicate the rest of my life to my children, eventual grandchildren, my practice, community involvement, and leisure activities.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@sunsets


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sal1995)))

Sorry, man. I hear you, sometimes it gets that frustrating. It's never been like that for me though. I had fantastic women caring for me growing up (my mom for sure, but also aunts, grandmothers and such) and have plenty of family and friends who are worth it and happen to be women. So don't let your experiences with the crazy ones (and yes, there's lots of them and they are attracted to us "nice guys" like moths to a flame) taint it.

It's a good idea to not think about that for a while. I have the intention of waiting quite a bit after D is final. But don't rule women out in general. I don't even consider it.

If for no other reason than to piss off your WW. I have a story about that.

I did the "big V" and can't have any more kids. I have an elective medical procedure in that general area. After everything blew up, after the S and D decision (and on my birthday, BTW), WW asked if I was going to get that procedure done. I told her I had decided I was going to wait a year or two. She asked why. And I told her.

"Honestly, because if I rebuild my life, and one day I find someone, that someone may want children, and if I need to do this elective eventually, I may ask them to reverse the V and get both procedures on the same visit, so they only work there once."

Boy was she pissed at me even considering a future without her (WWs make no sense - don't they push us out because they don't want us? and here I am, ready to trust someone else one day to the point that I delay a medical procedure, and she gets mad about that)! Maybe her mistrust of men was such she couldn't fathom me being ready to trust a woman after what she had done? I still don't understand the mentality.

The way I see it, there's about a quarter of a billion women in this planet. Tons and tons of them are absolutely worth it. Just not ours, apparently.

I just don't learn.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 710 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yop: Gracias hermano. Uno mas


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Red  Posted: 7:18 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nitrobob,

The Guideline is clear: NO POLITICS: We have zero tolerance of discussing politics here. No names, jokes, polls or debates are allowed. Violation of this guideline results in losing your profile.

No Politics, period. We realize that many politicians commit adultery, but we are an Infidelity website, not a political one.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37120 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahh, merica


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@sunsets

I'm about to pour my third from this very bottle. Starting out my vacay in style. Plus I was dry all weekend in support of MindMonkey's newly found sobriety. At this point I'm thinking we don't put the cork back on and crush the bottle...


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gracias. Es used muy amable


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

De Nada. Le permite finalizar esta botella


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Corcha que. Gracias


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@cvs: I'm starting to get my dignity back!!
Nope. Nope and nope.
Her A had nothing, as in ZERO to do with you.
Your dignity and honor is yours. Yours alone. In fact, in truth,
It’s a gift you give yourself.
Nothing anyone else does takes that away.
@ rye: beautiful post @ broken tools brother!
I would add Realizing you have broken tools is the hardest part.
Is followed by the next ‘hardest part’:
Forging new ones.
@ 54:
I don't have a frame of reference to navigate that universe.
On the good side? She still self examining, looking for answers. I told her I was proud of her for continuing the hard work.
Good. Good on you. given what you gone thru - that's heavy weight,
@Swat:
Admitting to my wife and her family some of my issues is difficult for me. They get it and have been understanding, but I feel less in a way. If that makes sense.
@ swat please. You need to keep your mouth shut @ your *weaknesses* to your w and her family. Reel it in sir. I'm sorry your heart hurts so hard to end you up there. My brother. Rise above. Be quiet now. STOP revealing. BE at peace.

@ LS:
How can they look the child in the face and say I hurt your daddy.
My mother who did that - who drove me as a child
over 1100 miles and ended my childhood,
is dead.
Died in a head-on, i can't ask her this questino can I? i have be forced by life to find my own answers haven't I? (Thus the "I know enough" thing)
@yop
You and I – we need to meet someday. I had me my 1st honeymoon in Bar Harbor. Camped out in Cadillac. Found 2 Lobsters for 8 bucks and oohhhh the mussels from Rhode Island, and for this?
Most of the time I don't feel like I belong here for that very fact even though people keep telling me otherwise. FTN. You do.
@ wellplayed
- And let this be a remimder for all you all that edit cuz o stupid fat fingered mispelingsEad my profile
- No worries mate! I don’t gas @ speling! Look…poetry!
There is poetry in words and pain
True expressions of survival
Man becoming man again, I say
Make it one hell
Of an arrival.

& oh wellplayed?
So in a sense I wish she hadn't thought of him. I can't decide what I'm more upset about. Her indifference to my suffering or her hiding behind the most innocent, most hurting of our family.

There is poetry in words and pain
True expressions of survival
Man becoming man again, I say
Make it one hell
Of an arrival.

HER suffering is
That I cease
To carry in my memry
Indifference to suffering

Just sux ,

That hada comma which meant fdukit
We’re married to osomeone who don’t care about pain
Or punctuatin’s fat fingers

ah well
don't let fat fingersblind you to rhyme
most of us don give a fuck since pain has no time

or rhyme


Posts: 6570 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a complete fucking idiot.

Tred, I sure can relate to that sentiment. But that's not being fair to ourselves. We projected our own values and mores onto our wives. We were fooled by what we observed in marriages that up until D Day had survived more than a decade without serious drama. We didn't grasp that people change, that some don't handle life changes and aging as well as others. It turns out we were just wrong, not idiotic.

My wife was always the more jealous and suspicious one in the marriage. Now I know why - she assumed I thought the same way she did. She was guilty of the same miscalculation. As it turns out, she should have been the secure one in the marriage and I should have been the one whose guard was always up. It was exactly the opposite.

What could possibly go wrong?


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If jjct ever abandons this thread, I'm done. Probably. Or I might just stick around and gripe about him not being here.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If jjct ever abandons this thread, I'm done. Probably. Or I might just stick around and gripe about him not being here.


Seconded


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@jj
You and I – we need to meet someday.

It'll happen

If jjct ever abandons this thread, I'm done. Probably. Or I might just stick around and gripe about him not being here.

The question and the motion is placed before the assembly for discussion. I propose to ratify the proposal. All in favor of being done if jjct ever abandons this thread?


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife was always the more jealous and suspicious one in the marriage. Now I know why - she assumed I thought the same way she did. She was guilty of the same miscalculation. As it turns out, she should have been the secure one in the marriage and I should have been the one whose guard was always up. It was exactly the opposite.

I get that. Really. Good post.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
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