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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 20
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh look. A palm......bush?

Someday...


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nobody in the "world" understands our plight. That is why we talk so much here. It' s a kind of " release the hounds" thread.
Happy early Father's Day to the most awesome dads on the planet, this thread. Shout out to you Swat!!! For the new guys lean on us.


Me 52(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-24,22,18,15
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 305 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the kind words gents. I find myself more sad and feeling sorry for FWW than angry, but I cannot keep hoping in face of reality. I know the detaching drill though. Ordered parts to repair broken items on my truck, taking the boat out tomorrow to drown shrimp, and signed up for the mile beer run in a couple weeks at a local craft brewer.

--ats


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4128 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Fathers Day. Hopefully you get to reclaim that and have a nice time. I as I posted in general will not be spending time with DD on Fathers Day. I going to get up and go to breakfast with my dad and then go to church and then DD is going to Virginia with Great Grandfather and Great Grandmother to GGF's funeral. This is WW side...


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever forward brothers. Ever forward.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am having a very difficult time with Father's Day this year. Don't quite know where else to share this, but here. Don't know why it is hitting me so hard this year, but it is.

Posts: 6980 | Registered: Dec 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losfer)))
When I get certain feelings I don't understand, mostly "concerning" or "off" stuff like sadness, irritation, etc.
I've learned what works for me is to get "quiet", sit and listen, to find out what the source is.
Sometimes I'll call in "support" and reach out to a close personal friend or two to help me hash it out and find what it is...
Bucky Fuller had a saying; "A problem well-stated is a problem solved."

Best to you!


Posts: 6570 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losfer,

Father's Day is everyday for men like you. Your son is very lucky. Don't let the commercialization of what we do for love get you down.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Losfer, you are a great father. that said, do you have anything else that's going on that's bothering you? Are you not connected somehow or not in exactly in the right head space? If that's the case, if this is a triggery day in general for you, once symptom could be exacerbating the other. What's on your mind?

I believe you have mentioned in this thread a ways back that you like scotch? How about a tipple from one of my prized bottles? Gents, anyone else like a dram while we sit with our guide Losfer?

Complete with my own personal tasting notes too so you know what we are drinking:

Douglas Laing The Old Malt Cask
Dailuaine 28 yr

Distilled 1983 November
Bottled 2011 November
50% abv

Color: Perfect gold

Nose: Fruity, orange English marmalade, sweet sherry.

Palate: Medium body. Full smooth mouth coating.

Finish: Long, complex, ever changing. Freshly sliced nectarines and lemon zest. Changes to slight earthy notes, hint of black pepper, that gives way to warm oaky vanilla. A touch of wintergreen at the end.

Overall: I've had a couple of different Dailuaine expressions and I have to say, this is a bottle to have a love affair with. Spend long drammy moments cuddled up by the fire and getting lost in the finish. Bring it up to bed and get lost under the covers. Any way I went with this dram one thing was certain, whenever I left it alone I found myself longing for more. A definitive expression from an underrated distillery.

To the father's this weekend Slainte Mhah!

yop

ETA - had to put the emoticons in

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 9:00 AM, June 14th (Saturday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn yop, you'll be competing with jj for Menz Poet Laureare soon.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
outside4me
♂ Member
Member # 42430
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YOP: That single malt looks tasty! Keep on posting that Scotch porn...

Posts: 218 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there, Losfer.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


either that, or
I need a cigarette...

Posts: 6570 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*puff* *drag*

What's this now?

and for those of you that saw the movie Ted or live in the Boston area...

"Pass the Peprige Fahm!"

eta -

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 11:06 AM, June 14th (Saturday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scotch..mmmm that sounds really nice right about now. Just a wee bit now. Don't want to push it.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 329 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well alright. Looks like we're getting a little party going on. I'll pour as much or as little as y'all want.

At my son's soccer game that's about to start. Playing for the championship. They are 10-1-2. I'll let you know if they pull out of this on top.

Someone pass the chips.

yop



25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, scotch! You know how to make a guy feel better, yop! All of you do, in fact.

To answer your question, yop, no, nothing else going on that is triggering me. I just look at Father's Day differently now. I know that every Father's Day for the rest of my life there is going to be that twinge of pain. It used to be something that I could freely enjoy and take pride in. I still take pride in it. This whole "paternal discrepancy" sometimes just drags me into the dumps sometimes.

But anyway... it is a beautiful day here, and the grass needs cutting. I hear a "lawnmower beer" calling my name. Making some ribs, too.

Life is good.

Take care, gents. And thanks for the support. You fellers are the best.


Posts: 6980 | Registered: Dec 2010
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This whole "paternal discrepancy" sometimes just drags me into the dumps sometimes.

Losfer, look up grace in the SI dictionary, and there's your picture. And because of that, Father's Day will always have a special meaning to your little boy.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Sal. I appreciate it, man.

I know when I am feeling down about shit, I can always count on people here to kinda reframe things for me. Puts a positive spin on things.

I need to get started on my lawn. Gasoline, apple wood smoke, ribs, freshly cut grass, malt, and hops will be the scents to define my afternoon.


Posts: 6980 | Registered: Dec 2010
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am having trouble with it too. It's my first Father's Day without stbx. And my dad recently lost his job so he's living with me, hopefully temporarily but I can't be sure. He was a WH, cheated on mom when I was young, and I have a sister from that situation. Mom died after S but before D. He married since (not to the OP) and had more kids who I get along well with.

So a lot of pain, which since he's my dad and I forgave him way back when so I could have a relationship with him and everything went fine for years. Recently, feeling very secure in my life and generous, and wanting to change my family's life for the better, I offered to help him immigrate to this area (then he could bring my stepmom and younger brothers). Then DDay happened. Her A did severe damage to more than one family. And my dad's A is reaching for the far past to haunt me and I thought that had been resolved.

So now that I'm a BS on the way to D I can't help but think of my mother's pain. Hard to resolve this particular Father's Day in my head. It certainly doesn't feel like a holiday centered on me. And it's his holiday too..

Anyway, lots of stuff in my head. Will be getting him a card later, but it's awkward.

Have a good Father's Day weekend Menz.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 714 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
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