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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New here
MrsRussia
♀ New Member
Member # 43182
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on this forum for couple of years. Couple of years ago I discovered that my husband was having EA. I confronted him and asked for NC. He agreed, but several days later I found out that he broke his promise. Since then he claimed that he stopped communicating with her. He always maintained that affair was emotional and nothing physical has ever happened.
Fast forward to summer 2013. I was lurking on gun forum that he posts on. He started a thread about life regrets. His regret was giving up a person that he loves so his daughter can have a family ( we have a 4 year old daughter). I confronted him about the post and he told me to my face that he loves the other woman.
We started counseling. He used it to emotionally beat me up. He cast himself as a victim of my high risk pregnancy. He was angry that I had difficult pregnancy. Said it was just too traumatic for him. And I agree. We have been together 17 years. Married 13 years now. We had Ivf to have our daughter. We had very happy marriage until my pregnancy. However during pregnancy he turned. He actually told me that I was fat , and that pregnant women are not attractive. Yet he claims to be the one traumatized.
Things seemed to be going ok with counseling. We actually started building our dream house. At the end if February, the day that I was choosing kitchen countertops, he told me that he does not want to be married anymore. He moved out same day. Rented a luxury apartment with rent higher then our current house, bought 8k worth of furniture. And became a cold withdrawn asshole days after he told me how much he loves me. He is not talking to his family. The only advise he is getting is from his single friend. Friend who does not believe in marriage.
We filed for divorce this week.
I guess, I'm just here for some moral support.
I'm not used to posting on forums. I guess, I'm just lost. It never occurred to me that I would be getting divorced. I made a lifetime commitment. My parents have been married for 40 years. My grandparents for 75 now. And here I am.....


Me 38
WH 38
Together 17 years, married 13 years
4 year old Daughter
Divorcing

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: DFW
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsRussia)))
Sorry you are here, but you are in good company.

I came from a broken home and promised to do all I could to not have my kids live through it. Unfortunately, my spouse was not as dedicated to the cause.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 499 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome MrsRussia. This is a good group. You'll get a lot of support and great advice. Even a laugh or two along the way. Keep reading and keep posting


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 683 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry that you have to be here but this forum is full of support.

You stbx is in fantasy land for sure. And sounds like a big ASSHOLE. Sorry but what he said and did counts as being a asshole in my opinion.

Big hugs and I am glad you are posting to let it all out.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2608 | Registered: Aug 2011
GingerAle
♀ Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((MrsRussia)))) So sorry you find yourself here. This isn't your fault! Please keep posting and lean on us for support. I don't know what I would've done without this place.


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 398 | Registered: Nov 2011
MrsRussia
♀ New Member
Member # 43182
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's just so strange. I see my husband and he looks like my husband, but what is inside is all wrong. The way he talks to me, the way he treats-- it's like an alien is inside.

Beyond the emotional pain he is inflicting on me right now. He is planning to hurt me financially. We are in no fault state. And he wants and is entitled to half of everything. Unfortunately, I've been the primary provider during our marriage. The down on our house was payed by me. I have much more on my retirement account. I work more then he does. And now he wants half of house equity and half of my retirement. He is the one who wants out. Who wants a quick divorce, and I have to pay him?


Me 38
WH 38
Together 17 years, married 13 years
4 year old Daughter
Divorcing

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: DFW
badd
♀ Member
Member # 23468
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrs Russia- Just say NO. Tell him if he wants a quick divorce, he will have to settle this in a way that works for you and your baby. You and your LAWYER come up with a split that YOU are comfortable with. Tell him if he want's it quickly, that is what you are willing to do. get yourself the sharkiest lawyer you can find and defend what is yours and what is your child's-with a child involved, and him not now or in the past providing much, you may find the division not so 50-50. They are entitled to that when they put in 50%, that is not the case here. That guy is an ass. Stand strong, we are here for you.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Apr 2009
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's just so strange. I see my husband and he looks like my husband, but what is inside is all wrong. The way he talks to me, the way he treats-- it's like an alien is inside.

I completely understand this feeling. I prefer to think of myself as a widow who has to deal with my late H's evil twin. Protect yourself from the evil twin. He deserves nothing.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1520 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No fault state or not, if you put more equity into the house than he did, your lawyer needs to make sure that you get the money YOU put in the house out first, before any division. So make sure that you have ALL of the financial and legal papers and do not let him take one piece of paperwork out of the house. As a matter of fact, you might want to rent a safe storage place for them. Make two copies, one for him if and when he asks for it, and one for your lawyer. File the originals and don't give them up.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4557 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Follow what the others are saying to you. Also remember that that $8000 he spent on furniture for his new place? Yeah, that's part of his half.

I'm sorry you have had to join us MrsRussia. Just know there is life on the other side. You will make it.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5361 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
MrsRussia
♀ New Member
Member # 43182
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for your support and advice.
Unfortunately it was my lawyer who told me that since all my earnings were during marriage, the house, my retirement are community property. He said we can try fighting, but we will not win


Me 38
WH 38
Together 17 years, married 13 years
4 year old Daughter
Divorcing

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: DFW
Topic Posts: 11

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