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Newest Member: BrokenBrunette (44275)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help new here throught no fault of mine
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H told me last night he wants a separation. I really thing from the things he said he wants a divorce and is to chicken to say so.

He gave me the I love you but not in love with you speech and claims there isn't anybody else. I don't believe it. He cried real tears and kept telling me I'm sorry. I call bullshit on that. I just at a loss as my step, after I kick him out of the house. Please any advice or suggestions at this point will help me.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Usually the ILYBINILWY speech plus crocodile tears means the WS is still in the A or living with the A mentality. I can't tell from your profile if you really know the full story of what your WH got up to.

We get sucked into fighting for our WS sometimes because we make it about us. How could we lose? If we D then we must somehow be at fault? I didn't do anything wrong, so why is this happening to me?

So take a step back and think, do you really want this jerk?

You've read here enough to know what to do first. 180. Find a D lawyer. Find a DivorceCare class, find an IC, marshall the support of family and friends. Get ready for this to happen and cut your WH dead. Don't talk to him, close the bakery, no ego kibbles.

I'm sorry. You sound a bit blindsided. But a cheating man is a worthless man. And why would you want worthless?

(((Dallas2)))

[This message edited by cayc at 6:52 AM, May 16th, 2014 (Friday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dallas2))) Scorned man in OKC feels your pain. Post here and post here often. This place is amazing


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 499 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw your post in General, but not much else.

Honestly? And as gently as I can.. He's gone already, and you can't do anything to get him back.. Please put your heart to the side and listen to your head.

He's doing all the things a divorce lawyer would recommend he do, changing accounts and stuff.

AND, since he's a cheating sack of shit, he's trying to "pretend" things are going to be great and he's going to take care of you. And OF COURSE the cheater is saying there's no one else. I call BULLSHIT!!!

He's protecting his own ass and no one else's. Get thee to a lawyer. NOW!!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2000 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I got the same speech. Run as fast as you can!


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I'm on way now to see a lawyer and the bank.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Financially, there's lots of advice to be given. It's gonna seem like a lot, but you can do it.

Emotionally? Sorry, but divorce isn't about the emotions anymore. It's a financial war.

So try to keep calm girl. Not one more word needs to be said between you and your ex. Hell, his lawyer could have told him to get a VAR.

UNEMOTIONAL TEXTS AND EMAILS ONLY.

He *knows* he's wrong, and no matter how many times you explain it, he doesn't care.

This is ALL you now. Living good is the best revenge. You don't need him or any more explanations. Lean on anyone else now. For me, it was SI and my mom.

Seeing a lawyer really can be very empowering.. It was for me. (Well, the second one was anyway. Go to few to get a good feel).

It's a bumpy road, but the finish line is amazing

Sending you lots of hugs.


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2000 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah you're right. I just feel like the wind has been knocked out of me but I will survive and a lot of that comes from all the help here.
Thank you


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cayc nailed it for what you need to do now.

Your WH has requested a separation, let him have it. If he truly repents, his actions will show you more than any words. Take this time to really focus on yourself and get your ducks in a row. This isn't shutting the door on R, it's basic survival.

So sorry you are here. The 180 will help you a lot. It is for your own emotional protection, not to manipulate a WH. Come here to vent, cry, beg plead. We all understand.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1540 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H told me last night he wants a separation. I really thing from the things he said he wants a divorce and is to chicken to say so.

Isn't it amazing what cowards they are?

Personally, I wouldn't consider a separation. In my mind, that tells the cheater, "Go ahead and have your affair. I will stay legally married to you until you come to your senses."

If he's too chicken to ask for a divorce, show him you're strong enough to kick him out and file...not for him, but for yourself.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, got the speech and the tears.

I call total BULLSHIT that he isn't having an A. A male doctor friend told me after my XWH walked out on me and still insisting that he and OW were not having an affair "A man leaves his wife for one of two reasons....His wife is mean and abusive or there is another woman." My friend knows my personality and knew I doted on my XWH and treated him like a king...so my friend told me "he is fucking somebody and thinks he is in love with her." And he was right, but I was in denial and didn't want to believe he could do that to me.

((((Dallas2)))). And if your name means you live in Dallas private message me. I also live in Dallas and if you ever want to get together to talk or just vent....let me know.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 312 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dallas))))

I read your threads over in General too. I am sooo sorry that he was able to blindside you. What a selfish, pussy, self-centered fuck.

You need to make sure you start protecting yourself ASAP. Glad you are able to get into an Attorney today.

I would urge you to lock down any funds that he might have access to that you don't normally mess with, cause this fucknut has been planning.

Don't be sad get really really mad, because you don't deserve this, after all you have done for him. YOU will get through this. You will be so much happier without this douchecanoe in your life.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7799 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couldn't get to the lawyer until Monday but that may be better I will have more time to think about all that has been done eith way I am filing next week. He doesn't get to tell me he is not sure where this is going. He is going to another woman and I believe it even though of course he is just confused.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
Topic Posts: 13

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