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Newest Member: Greg (45364)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: graduation party invitation
alwaysstressed
♀ New Member
Member # 41272
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son is graduating from high school. I am having a graduation party and he wants me to invite my XWH and his new girlfriend will probably have to come as well. I want to do this for my son, but I am very worried about the anxiety this will cause. My son wants everything to be like normal and wants both of his parents there. Any suggestions?


Me: 49 (BS)
Him:49 (WH)
Married:24 years
2 kids DS 18 and DD 21
DDay 5/7/13 out of nowhere
Divorce final on 10/20/13

Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: PA
Oftencheatedon
♀ Member
Member # 41268
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's not a 5 year old who wants mommy and daddy to be together. He is certainly old enough to be told that is just not going to happen.

Things are not "like normal". Please don't do this to yourself. Have your party and he can have a separate one with his father.


Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: AL
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS22 just graduated from college last weekend. No party but STBXWH and I sat together with rest of family- but not next to each other! I did ask him to join us for lunch afterwards. This was for DS22 only- and it went ok. But- girlfriend didn't come so there is that. Could you ask your XWH not to bring gf because it's really about son? I also did a sweet 16 birthday a couple weeks ago for DD16 and STBXWH was there too. I did tell him it was for friends and family and OW was neither - he followed those directions. Since I was the hostess- I was way to busy to even feel his presence. And- he did help take tables down afterwards and paid for almost 1/2 the cost of party


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just my 2 cents. You have to do what is right for you, but I have been an onlooker for friends and family in this situation. I think it is incredibly sad for the child (at any age) to not be able to have both parents together for big life events. There really is only a handful of times for these events and I feel for the child who feels torn.

The girlfriend , that is a different story if she was the AP.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dupl, sorry!.

[This message edited by Pentup at 11:47 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Pentup at 11:47 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really iPad??

[This message edited by Pentup at 11:48 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Arghhh

[This message edited by Pentup at 11:47 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
alwaysstressed
♀ New Member
Member # 41272
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately XH and GF are joined at the hip and he can't do anything without her. She is gf number 2, thankfully not the OW. Especially when it comes to the kids. My son feels I should be able to be in the same room with him. When I admit I am not comfortable he feels that I am unwilling to move on. He wants everything to be good and everyone to be happy.


Me: 49 (BS)
Him:49 (WH)
Married:24 years
2 kids DS 18 and DD 21
DDay 5/7/13 out of nowhere
Divorce final on 10/20/13

Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: PA
hummingbird8
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two choices, put yourself first or put your son first. Your son wants his dad and gf there.

Posts: 507 | Registered: Aug 2009
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids know that I will only attend weddings together with XH.

The guy tried to ruin me many times. His GF tried to ruin me and smear me to my kids. They both caused incredible damage not only to me but to my children. He is NPD.

There is no way in hell I will open myself up to any more damage. In fact, I know he would try to do something. No matter what I choose I am painted to be the monster.

So, I always choose emotional/financial safety.

I attend graduation and stay by myself. NPD and GF throw a party and invite his relatives. I do not attend.

How can I be any help to my kids is I am financially ruined, smeared, or worse?

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 7:46 PM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2713 | Registered: Jan 2010
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

I will be facing something similar next year. My only advise is Xanax


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17689 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is the party being held? In your home? Personally, that's asking too much. You do have the right as a human being not to interact socially in your own home with your ex husband.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9828 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A year out from Dday, after a 24 year marriage... that's asking a whole lot of you! (imho) I get that your DS will only graduate hs once - but... seriously?


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4135 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about asking your son to advise his father that your son wants both parents at his grad party; and, because your son wants to (rightfully) consider the feelings of both his mother and father first, that means neither parent can attend with a significant other. Then let your xh wonder whom you may have brought to the party.

Your son is old enough to understand why you do not care to be around his father, let alone the girlfriend. Considering the circumstances, your xh SHOULD place more importance on your son's big moment and should attend without the girlfriend or whatever she is. Will he ? If he won't attend with the girlfriend, then guess what ? Sonny isn't so important to dad. Don't be surprised.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 510 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Ambergray
♀ Member
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You shouldn't have to be the only one to make concessions. If you invite him, then he should come alone. That is his consession. You allow him to participate in your home and party, that is your confession. DS should expect equally of you both.


Me-38
WH-38
Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 16

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