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User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 34
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dip: thanks for the update on mrs dip....i do feel for her...i feel for anyone who is going thru the cancer fight....a fight for life literally....it can be so overwhelming and quite scary to face your own mortality on that level i would think...and i too am patting you on the back....you have stood by her through it all my friend...she has been blessed by having you..and i do believe that she finally "sees" just that...so bravo mrs dip....and i understand the meltdown...and good for you for finding some of it laughable...not always easy to do...

thank you for your words regarding my kids...yes they are still kids...and unfortunately until pfm i completely live apart this chaos of a house divided will remain...and a house divided is a house in turmoil...and right now it would seem that 2 out of 3 of my kids are hatin on me for it all....and it is what it is....i jut find it so ironic, i do!!!! but i also know that it will all change at some point in time....i just dont know how much time it will be and i don 't know if my kids will "see" me their mom for who i am, have been and will always be before i die...for their sakes i hope they do....and while i am healthy and there is no disease...after the death of my sister...anything is possible at any time...life is just too short...


and speaking of my sister....finally got the autopsy results...no foul play...she died at 45 from a heart attack!!!

life is indeed too short!!!


ukgirl.....i love that you "see" your sich for exactly what it is...and you seem to be accepting it much better, i believe that when we acknowledge what "is" it makes it easier to accept it...not easy to do ....and accepting less then is never easy...and is sad


pudding: you seem to have a very analytical mind....unfortunately feelings are not something that you can place in your box of statistics...there will never be a break even point on betrayal....i do believe you can rebuild trust...but it happens over time, deed by deed...but not where its actually countable.....but when he is accountable all the time, when he builds a new history, then you will be able to move forward without keeping count....when you feel "safe"...it cannot be accomplished with a certain number of anything whether it be "shags" or time spent....you can never be even....its not a game where you can keep "score"...its life, and life is messy...and even though life has rules...not all the rules run like the rules do in a game....there is no if you do a then comes b....life has too many variables to be put in your neat little debt box

thats not to say that you cannot happily reconcile....there are many who do...

as for the oc...he IS obligated to pay cs....his sperm was involved....which means it is his responsibility....and because his sperm IS involved....and he knows about HIS oc.....i don't think he should feel "obligated" to be involved in the childs life...but i do feel that the child is innocent and your ws should "want" to be involved is his childs life....that poor child did not choose his parents, that child will grow up to resent anyone who stand between him and his parent...not to mention that at some point in time i would think your ws would also resent anyone who would stand between him and his child....

i am sorry but a "real" man, one who lives by doing the right thing would also do the right thing for and by his child....and yes it sucks but it is what it is!!!!

no child should ever be denied the right to know his parents unless the parent signs his rights away....and unless the child is being given up for adoption that would be a mistake that would bite you all in the ass at some point down the road....that child is a human being that did not ask to be born, and your ws should have kept his dick covered in a condom at the very least or better yet kept it in his pants....he is just as responsible for that childs welfare as the mother is!!!

and i know we all will not agree on this subject and i also know that this will be a very touchy subject....this is of course my opinion to which i am entitled and i am sure those of you who disagree have your own opinions to which you are entitled too...so on that note for those of you who disagree with me...i would like to "agree" to disagree....


i will shut up now...


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 6038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...no child should ever be denied the right to know his parents unless the parent signs his rights away...

No child should ever be denied the right to know his parents EVEN IF the parent signed his rights away. My WH is adopted, and never knowing or being acknowledged by his birth parents was a huge deal that played a part in his FOO issues that eventually led to the A. You can all disagree, but I have STRONG feelings that a child has a right to know his or her biological parents if/when it becomes important to them.

I get why a BH might lie to his kid about parentage, especially if he is raising OC as his own, but I have real problems with lies and lying in a family. We all know there is far too much risk of serious damage when the lies are discovered.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 321 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have a problem with us agreeing to disagree on any subject.

What I have more of a problem with is trying to lay a guilt trip on Pudding for the decision they have made. They have chosen NC. You have no idea what the BH wants in this situation or what they are telling the child. Its not like Pudding and her husband can just run up to the child and say "Here's your daddy!" and throw money at him.

Yes, they can force a paternity test, but is that really in the best interest of the child? I feel maybe less projecting and more support would be nice for Pudding.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 7:51 PM, May 29th (Thursday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9496 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my FWH had an OC and wanted contact with the OC that would be a dealbreaker for me. I couldn't bear the contact. It would be a stab in my heart. Call me selfish, but I know me. I couldn't take on that pain, that very real constant live reminder. Plus, some contact with the AP would be necessary. That would mean my children's family would be torn apart. My children, the children of the marriage, must sacrifice their family for an OC? Sorry, I am not that altruistic. It is unfair to expect BS's to accept an OC. After all, they are innocent victims, too.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9496 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
PositiveAttitude
♀ Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In certain states - I live in one - the "father" of a child if the mother is married is the mother's husband. Even if the OM petitioned the court for a paternity test he could be denied that option.

One person I know, had a child with an OM and placed his name on the child's birth certificate. When she divorced (child was 4 months old - you can not obtain a divorce in my state if pregnant) her husband was ordered by the court to pay child support. Not every situation is black and white.


Posts: 173 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to all the newbies. Timelines are difficult with an LTA. The A became a part of the WS's life. Everything was "normal" They may remember certain events, but if your WS is the kind that forgets things easily, as mine does with anything, that has to be kept in mind. I don't think my WH could give me a timeline in OUR marriage, unless I reminded him of certain things. You may have to write a timeline for yourself and ask for certain dates. It is true that the WS may conveniently "forget" or not want to remember, but also may not remember everything because it was a LTA that lasted for years.

Pudding: I'm sorry you have to deal with the pain of an OC. My WH has 3 OC's and named the oldest one almost the same name as our daughter who died as an infant. I would suggest a paternity test, though, since the OW might come after your WH for child support. You may want to seek a lawyer's advice on this. There is a thread in the ICR about OC's and there is some info that might help.

For the newbies, the main advice I can give is to work on yourself and work on your healing. Your WS must be all in for R or it will NOT work. Trust your gut if you feel it's false R. I know that we want to believe so badly that the WS is working so hard or believe all the promises, but you need to see CONSISTENT action. An LTA takes a long time to recover from and a lot of work from both spouses. Remember the old M is dead. A new M must be built, but it has to be done by two people and the WS needs to build up trust again. NO half hearted measures.


Posts: 1938 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura!! So good to see you! I laughed when Miracle and Dip brought up the fucking ducks! LOL. I'm sorry you are feeling sad. It's so hard, but I do understand that we get to a point that we have to say, "Am I better off with them or without them?" The pain doesn't seem to go away completely because the WS is a trigger themselves. <sigh> I hope all is well and I hope your son is doing well.

Sister: Hi there! Good to see you. Give us an update.

UKgirl: I hope you are doing well. Sometimes I wonder if staying in the status quo is the best thing to do. It's scary to have to start something new. Take care of you and make yourself happy.

Dip: Good to see you old friend. Mrs. Dip is lucky to have you. I do understand how hard it must be when the BPD traits kick into high gear. Don't stop the laughter. I know in the moment the BPD will get mad, but sometimes later on they might be able to look back and laugh too. You and Mrs. Dip are in my thoughts and prayers.

Tryn: Your last few posts have been really good. One has to always try to be the best possible person we can be at all times, as Miracle said. I agree with you about being "quality". We must be quality enough that we will not tolerate bad behavior, being treated badly, or being cheated on again. We have to work on our own self esteem and realize that we, too, are a work in progress always trying to be better. We have to recognize in ourselves that we are quality, as you put it.

Ats: Dip made a very good point that Mrs. Ats often is like this with these family gatherings. After this wedding, and things have settled down again, I think you need to do some deep soul searching about continuing. You have put so much effort into repairing this M and helping Mrs. Ats. You are not giving up if you feel that the M needs to end. You are just facing reality. I think you are at a point that you know Mrs. Ats didn't do this purposely to hurt you, but because of her deep FOO issues and she has tried to work on herself, but there is only so much that can be done. Don't make more excuses. She has a job now, and the kids will be fine. {{{{Ats}}}

Miracle: Remember, you did not lose your kids. They are at that selfish age and rebellious stage. You have done so very much and I am in awe at what you've accomplished. You went to school and got a job. You are moving forward, and as Tryn would say, you are a QUALITY woman!! Don't ever forget that!!

It was good to see Razor, 7yrs, Reunite, and Allgood. I hope I'm not missing anyone.

Ats, I've been wondering how M3 is doing too!


Posts: 1938 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I would give this update.

The Karma bus rolled around

Last time I posted about my saga, I said that NPD wasn't speaking to me because he felt I turned the kids against him. So he goes back overseas and in the almost 2 months he called maybe 4x with 2 minute calls just about money.

One day he calls and asks me if that woman he had been texting contacted me. (the one he told "I love you")He tells me that OW called this woman and yelled and screamed at her and called her ugly. The woman was upset. The OW was so upset she went to the ER. I said I thought you said you stopped texting her, and his answer? "Don't ask me about my relations!"

DS 19 and DS 15 threatened to leave if NPD came back.

A week later, when he said he was coming, I told him not to. I did not want him in the house. Find another place to stay. He wanted me to pick him up at the airport and I told him I was sorry but he had to find another way because I was NOT picking him up.

Of course, he answered that he will not be kicked out of his house and he is not leaving. I am looking for another lawyer to file for D. So right now we are in house separation. It is so very hard.

I'm trying to remember everything everyone in the tribe has said. Ats was so right: You cannot "nice" yourself back into a M. Tryn is right, you have to recognize yourself as quality and expect to be treated as such.

Love to everyone in the tribe and send me mojo and prayers.


Posts: 1938 | Registered: Jan 2010
Pudding
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Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your comments. They have all been useful to me, both the supportive and the get real comments. I need them both to keep on track. Thanks especially to UKgirl and sister milkshake.

I realise I am dealing with a different situation than I thought last week, but I have seen a change in him. He is now talking, reading, answering questions, not getting defensive, willing to go to MC and seems to be committed to NC. I know it will take time to see whether this sticks in reality or whether he' s just saying the right things now. It feels different now. I feel I have the truth. I am less knotted up and we are being far more open with each other, so I am willing to see if its true R this time.

Re OC, we are taking legal advice. There has never been a paternity test as OW, OWH and WH have all refused. My WH is not a father. All he has done is provide the sperm, if indeed it was his. OWH has brought this child up as SAHF, changed the nappies, dressed, babysat (when OW was out with WH) etc etc. I feel it is wrong to come between him and the relationship he has with OC. Two years ago, when WH agreed to NC with OW, I conceded that he could continue to see OC , but only by arrangement with OWH and that OW would not be there. He has only seen him twice since then. He has only seen him 10 times in the child's life. Introducing WH into his life now would not be In best interests of OC. Now I know what I know, I am also insisting on NC with OC as well as OW. I have emails showing that she has used the OC to lure WH back into a relationship with her. She says things like she doesn't care about OC, she just wants my WH. The only decent person in OC's life seems to be the OWH.

OW and OWH have always refused money for the OC from WH. I offered them a lump sum 2 years ago to go away and not bother us again, which OWH refused. Now that WH has really gone NC with OW, she is now saying he should pay. We are taking legal advice, but there is no way he will pay anything without a paternity test, which OW refuses to do. In the UK, she can't claim CS without a paternity test and she can't force WH to have paternity test unless OWH denies paternity himself, which he is unlikely to do, given his relationship with OC. He would have to be removed from the birth certificate and explain why he fraudulently registered the birth in the wrong name. I have my doubts whether OC in fact my WHs, but he has always believed what OW has said. It is not straightforward. I accept he should pay if he is the F, but not otherwise. At present, OW is now pestering about money, but I think it is a ruse to break the NC. We are just passing her emails to the lawyer, without responding. If WH pays anything, it will be to OWH not to OW, as he is the prime carer.

Re the trust bank and the 100 shags, I know I am being very analytical, but that is me. It's the only way I can cope through this shit. He will not be off the hook at the end. There will be further targets set until I reach the point that either I can trust him again or that it is a hopeless cause and I am giving up. With every shag, I feel I am reclaiming him back from her, and it will take a long time. I actually started the trust bank 3 months ago, and he earned no points whatsoever and there were numerous opportunities to do so. Now he has told the truth, I believe its different- but recognise I may be proved wrong. Keeping the trust bank going is a way for me to break recovery down into baby steps, so I can measure. Progress.

Thanks again for your support and advice. I will come back here .


Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

krsplat - I am sorry that your WH not knowing his birth parents played a role in his A. I sometimes cringe a little bit when people discuss FOO issues that led to causing their A though. For me it is a fine balance between getting to the whys when dealing with FOO issues and allowing blameshifting to occur. I think most whys are more completed than one single reason and we should not discount one's personnel responsibility and own simple selfishness when evaluating why's.

Don't get me wrong, getting to the bottom of FOO issues may be important to create a safe relationship going forward. I just caution the thinking in your case that if he had a relationship with his birth parents that the A would not have happened. In my opinion that type of thinking crosses the fine line from dealing with FOO issues and moves into blameshifting.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pudding: I am glad you are seeking a lawyer's advice re OC. A paternity test would really establish how things stand legally and would put all doubts aside for all concerned. I know how hard this is and how hurtful. Hang in there.

Posts: 1938 | Registered: Jan 2010
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is always so much good info and differing points of view on this forum. I am so appreciative of all you. Your honesty and willingness to share yourselves has helped me immensely. Even topics that may not apply to have, always seem to hold some tidbit that I can use.

Thank you


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 407 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RPangea: Feeling rejected by not one but TWO sets of crappy parents is a SMALL part of what led my WH to a lifetime of emotional detachment, an ego that needed to be constantly fed, and wide open to A. Granted, million of others of feel the same kind of things and have the integrity NOT to cheat. So you are absolutely correct. FOO issues are never to blame and are no excuse. But they matter now in the "fixing" stage.

SisterM: You are also absolutely correct in expecting "less projection and more support" from those of us here. I'm sorry, Pudding! I am an advocate for children's rights by trade, but BSs have rights too that are just as important to protect.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 321 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((krsplat)))) I am sorry, too, for how your WH suffered with crappy parents. I am so happy there are people like you advocating for children, krsplat. I can see you are passionate about it and that is a good thing.

eta: fix word

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:04 PM, May 30th (Friday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9496 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

krsplat - I think you and I are on the same page. I feel the same way on FOO issues, millions of other people have them and dont cheat. It is a piece of the puzzle and important in fixing going forward.

Pudding - I think seeing an attorney to get good legal advise is exactly what you need to do. As I said before - if I were not the biological father of my kids I would fight hard to prevent even a paternity test. I also wouldn't want one cent from OM if he were to be the father so I can relate to the position you think OWH would take.

You are smart to be very cautious of this OW's intentions - she may very well be using $ for OC to get to break NC. One suggestion maybe to insist that any communication she has relating to OC be routed through you rather than WH - it will suck having to clean up his mess but will give you assurance there is not other communication going on. Seek the advise from your attorney though.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sister: like krsplat.....i am thinking of the child....when it comes to children who do not yet have a voice i will always speak up....adults can get so caught up in emotion and may not always make decisions that would be in the best of interest of a child.....

as for putting pudding on a guilt trip...that was never my intention and is not my intention....to show another point of view was the intention, nothing more.....

and i too think this forum in particular should always be as supportive as possible without judgement, we all dance to a different tune and this shit is hard enough on its own


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 6038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pudding...wow.....after reading the rest of your story...i would say that you have both done what you could and i agree that you should not rock that childs' boat.....he belongs with those people....as for the paternity....he should not do anything without legal counsel....i had thought that the oc was indeed his......not knowing...there is nothing he could do without legal counsel....or without a paternity test....and i would not believe a single word that came out of ow's mouth....

krsplat: as for foo.....we all have foo issues...i can definitely understand how foo issues influences affect life choices....

and you know this really hits home for me...not for me, not for my ws but for my own kids.....1 out of 3......he blames me and his dad for all his woes...ironically he blames me more then his dad....his ic is somewhat perplexed as am i on that one....but i see the choices he has made and continues to make....and then i look at my other 2 kids.....their choices for their futures are not just better but they have not sabotaged themselves like manchild (my middle son, 20ds)...they all come from the same home, the same parents...the same rules....but i will confess pfm did not treat them all the same....i did...and it was hard but i did...pfm did not...and thats where most of the irony lays...although his expectation of manchild was the same as it was for the others....i cannot tell you how i try and try to analyze this sich and for the life of me cannot come up with answers that will help the sich...manchild has at least agreed to go to ic and thats at least a start....anyways krsplat....as i was so ineptly trying to say....at a certain point in time foo or no foo....an adult at some point in time needs to take responsibility for their own choices...and we all need to live with our choices...

you are still so new and raw...and you are amazing to be able to see his pain through your own...


honest: love that karma bus....you sound good, you sound strong, you sound like you have found "you"".....love it!!! and love you!!!


ats: oh my...yes dip is so on the money with mrs ats....she does always seem to implode when faced with her own foo....last time if i remember correctly she actually did ok after all the panic on both your parts...of course my memory could be wrong and i apologize if thats the case....


on the miracle front:

step 1: lawyer sent pfm the letter...he received it today....

check

it still sucks and it still hurts that it comes to this....its also a relief that its finally in progress....i cannot live the way we have been living in this house "divided"

((((tribe))))


side note...time is flyin...i cant believe May is almost over...i still cannot believe its 2014....the older i get the faster it flies...life is too short to live with so much pain...i am looking forward....i need to look forward


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 6038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Oftencheatedon
♀ Member
Member # 41268
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I should not post in this forum. I am sort of the OW in a 40+ years non-relationship.

I broke off an engagement because I just did not love the man - nor did I really even like him. He married someone else (that he was cheating with unbeknownst to me) a few weeks later.

For DECADES he has contacted me to tell me how much he still loves me and what a mistake it was. In the early days he tried to hide his marriage.

I have NEVER led him on. On occasion someone who was listening to my short phone conversation with him chastised me for being so rude to who I'd been talking to.

I've told his wife. I've told him that I would rather be dead than be with him.

I think he is nuts although he is a very, very successful person in his field. If I wanted money I could certainly get it there.

So why am I posting here? Just maybe to warn some of you that sometimes a man gets to be so obsessive over another women even when she does nothing to encourage it.

I have NEVER dated or even seriously flirted with a married man. To me honestly that is just taboo - sort of in the same category for me as incest.


Posts: 105 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: AL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oftencheatedon
Just maybe to warn some of you that sometimes a man gets to be so obsessive over another women even when she does nothing to encourage it.

This man lust for you, a fantasy. You only become an OW if YOU act on it. All of us have lust in us.. It might take different "things" to pull that emotion out of our minds. To act is far different than thoughts. You are most quality in your postion... He is likely a pig and you see that. Way too many people fall for it.

Pudding.. You sound most healthy to me. I admire you.

Iwant.. You took a most difficult road to get to today. Methodical, courage, plan, sacrifice, integrity.. words come to mind.

step 1: lawyer sent pfm the letter...he received it today....
Congratulations...

Thanks Honest.. I hope you continue to plan too..

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:38 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Posts: 2671 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So why am I posting here? Just maybe to warn some of you that sometimes a man gets to be so obsessive over another women even when she does nothing to encourage it.
^^^This has nothing to do with gender. Stalkers come in both sexes. Also regardless of if the man or woman continually reaches out to contact a person that doesn't mean the person has to respond. I would say in this situation if you truly wanted this person to leave you alone get a RO and go NC with him. There is no need for contact if you are not interested in it. The wayward in all cases has the responsibility to say no. They may not always exercise it but it is up to them to shut down unwanted advances and say NO.

If someone dropped a wallet full of cash on their way out of the bank that's not an invitation to steal the wallet. Some people have enough morals and self control to return it and others don't. It isn't the person that dropped it or the wallets fault that someone decided to become a thief. It was the thief that could not exhibit any self control.

ETA: this is not a 2X4 or attack on you offcheated on. My point is even if a an AP is obsessive it doesn't excuse the WS's behavior and inability to say NO. If someone is obsessive there are things that can be done to resolve the problem.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:45 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

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