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Newest Member: helpmegetthrough (44949)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Insane chemistry - have you experienced that?
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have crossed paths with Xso multiple times since our break up in September. Other than a "hello" in passing there was no other contact. Then, last weekend we crossed paths again at a charity event and due to the circumstances and joined friends being there ended up talking cordially for a short while. Nothing too personal, just "how have you been", "how are the kids.."

However, that insane, intense chemistry was right there. And we both realized it and both decided, after that brief exchange, to keep distance between each other.

I have never experienced this. It is almost as if it takes control of me. For crying out loud, this man is substantially older than me and here I am, knees shaking, every hair raised, being completely drawn to him physically. I have only heard about this and considering myself a rather rational, head-driven person I am a bit shocked that somebody can have this effect on me.

I am glad I walked away and I am glad he did as well. But boy, have I had dreams since then and butterflies when something jogs my memory of that brief encounter.

Have you experienced this? Any scientific explanation? Would make me feel way better ...


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, unfortunately it was with someone (2) narcissistic!

If I ever experience it again, I'm running in the other direction as fast and as far as I can.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5090 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here, running mentally as much as I can.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes - last guy I dated before current guy. We both acknowledged the insane chemistry. It's like nothing I've experienced before or since, and he told me the same thing. Even though my head knew all these reasons why we shouldn't date, my hormones weren't listening to me. On paper, he's not my normal type at all (short, slight, not super attractive), but there was something there.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3359 | Registered: Dec 2011
Eranda
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Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never had that. Not once.


My Blog: http://allofthewaystohell.com/

Posts: 4226 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup…had it, and that was all that was there. Just chemistry and no substance. I'm wary of that "chemistry", like someone said on SI (can't remember who…), those butterflies are warning bells!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, ex-shat and I had incredible chemistry.
Everything else ended up being a train wreck.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4630 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes and I do hope that I will again someday with someone emotionally stable and available. If not I will run as fast as the wind! It is amazing to have that chemistry but not worth it if it is with someone with the emotional IQ of a 2 year old.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2004
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, have felt thta before. Not with the ex, thank gawd. It was with one of the guys I briefly dated.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a FWB once who did that for me. It was crazy. So was he...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17392 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, and it was with someone that wasn't my "type" and that i didn't even really like that much. but the chemistry was truly insane and it made me do some things that - twenty years later - still make me kind of cringe. it wasn't very healthy.

but it was very fun for a little while.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1668 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
Dawnie
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Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt this with the first man I dated after my split from the XH... and 4 years later we are married and that chemistry is still there. Funny thing is that we met on Chemistry.com


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
ThisHell
♀ Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^ this! My Current SO and I have known each other almost literally ALL our lives. He was the first I ever had a crush on and that "chemistry" with and we dated quite seriously in high school. Unfortunately when he went into the air force I broke up with him because I felt that I was too young to have a boyfriend that was never there and that was the stupidest thing I ever did. We got together again very briefly when he returned from a tour but didn't get back together. Then I started dating my EX and we simply remained friend-zoned. I have very strong boundaries in relationships and he was very respectful of our relationship and moved on. He tells me now that although he felt a sense of disappointment that the future prospect of ever having a relationship was gone (I got preggers and EX and I married), he felt good in that he knew EX would treat me well and take care of me. Little did either of us know that would be pretty short lived!

We stayed in touch but very infrequently over the years. I'm talking a phone call to see how life was treating us every other year or so. But when EX and I separated for good, we started talking more. Last year he made the move to my state and we have been together ever since. My kids love him. The chemistry is still there, and we are planning to move in together this summer. He is the best. A strong, moral and honest person.


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 288 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
curiouswiz
♀ Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been going through exactly this with a nice man I met OLD. Oh boy. Just talking with him is very difficult.

I've wanted to discuss so many things with you guys in the last few months but have been hiding and reading.

This chemistry has hit me very hard. We've been chatting online for about 3 or 4 months and have met twice. The first lunch date lasted hours and I felt uneasy because I was literally trembling. I haven't ever felt such strong chemistry. Butterflies? Yes. Emotional connections? Yes. But. This is very different from those emotions in my past. This is truly out of my control. I can barely speak in his presence. It's a struggle like none other.

He's just a year out from his divorce and I'm not divorced after a year and a half of filing. I've been alone for more than 4 years (?) now. He's not ready. I know he's not. It's obvious. He's also very busy with his life and that's a beautiful thing. His heart was torn out after a 30 year marriage. He needs time. We exchanged emails every day for these last 4 months. I've gotten to know him so well and have let him know me. It's truly a wonderful communication between us. Just not the right time for him. He's a retired teacher and plays in a very busy band. He's so compassionate, intelligent, kind, empathetic. All those wonderful qualities we look for in a partner.

I had to tell him that I won't contact him anymore. Because I've fallen in love with him. It's painful but I know it's for the best. We live almost two hours away from each other and it feels as though it's just too much or is it too little? This chemistry is draining me. I'm amazed at what our imaginations can do to our bodies. It must be my imagination right? Why do I tremble and feel faint when I talk to him face to face. Chemicals. Also great respect for him. Tremendous respect. His intelligence makes me weak. His heart makes me faint. He's so different from anyone I've ever known and I've fallen madly in love. The only option I felt I had was to shut down, hide again. Run away from these wonderful emotions and chemicals.

Ah, shit on a shingle.....


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup....narcissistic sperm donor of my daughter and I had the most toe-curling chemistry of my life...and probably will never find that again....but I will take half the chemistry for a decent human being any day!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes - the first man I dated post-D. It was like an electric current. But that's all there was - physical chemistry. I never felt safe or loved - I ended up walking on egg shells most of the time because he had such horrible mood swings.

Current SO makes me purr like a kitten - there is chemistry that built up over time. I feel safe and loved. It is far better than that other crazy relationship. I feel so blessed.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But that's all there was - physical chemistry. I never felt safe or loved - I ended up walking on egg shells most of the time because he had such horrible mood swings.

NewLease....are you sure you didn't date Piper's father too???


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j (((curiouswiz))) Would you start a new thread? I'd love to have an opening to address your issue and to give you support

regarding the insane chemistry and an neuroscience explanation:

http://www.upworthy.com/super-interesting-scientific-facts-about-being-in-love?c=hpstream

^^^describes the science behind that feeling. Our brain reacts like it is on cocaine. Yep. And people on cocaine don't have the best judgment!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3130 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so - I'm confused...when did chemistry become a bad thing? Isn't that supposed to be good for a healthy relationship/sex life with someone?

Is there a difference between chemistry and attraction? Same thing?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nekorb, there was another thread on this a few weeks back--whether chemistry is dangerous or necessary, sort of.

A lot of us find that we get turned on by the wrong sort of man, I think. And the crazy attraction overwhelms the rational part of you and makes you hooked or not very clear-sighted.

Of course the spark has to be there. Just not so that it overwhelms all the other important comparability stuff.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 20

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