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Newest Member: Devestatedbeyond (44583)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: need advice
dadto3
New Member
Member # 43253
Question  Posted: 9:51 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where do I begin?

My wife and I have been together for 18 years married 9 have 3 great kids.All was good for a long time.
I had lost my job due to the economy (construction) about 4 years ago now and it was very hard on my family , bills, money was tight , and it was very upsetting to me not having a job to help support my family. My wife had her job and makes good money so we survived that period in life.
About Christmas time 2012 my wife went out to a holiday party at for her work and no spouses were invited. Strange I thought but she had always been faithful right?
Next morning I woke up and for some reason picked up her cell phone and looked at it . Now I am a morning person and my wife the opposite as she works the night shift. She jumped out of bed and instantly was looking for her cell phone , which I had.
What I read was really upsetting and got my blood boiling.
I confronted her later that day about what I had read and she denied everything. I left the house for a few days to gather my thoughts and emotions. She was texting with me pleading for me to come home . During this period she told me of the emotional affair with physical activities , but no sex ?
We decided yo go to counseling for about 4 months but have yet yo return because she felt the counselor was against her. REALLY?
Times went on and my emotions were very high and was angry a lot but tried not to show that.
I had asked her to send the other coward a no contact letter , stop texting with the guys from work and for her passwords to her accounts.
I received none.
So I emailed the coward about being involved with my wife. I got no response.
Fast forward 2 years and I still find out little details about the affair. But she still swears there was no sex.
I am emotionally drained and don't know what else I can do ?
I have today asked her for her password for her phone and she refuses.
We have 3 kids and 1 is aware of the affair, daughter 15, what am I showing my kids by staying?
Need advice!


Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They ALWAYS say there was no sex. If you catch them in the act, they say it was only once. If you prove it was multiple times, they say they didn't enjoy it, or it didn't mean anything, or it will never happen again. They lie, Dadto3. They lie and lie and lie.

If she refuses to give you her passwords and to let you check up on her, she is still lying and hiding stuff. I'm afraid you have to assume she is still having an affair.

Please read about the 180 in the Healing Library (upper left corner of the home page here) and start applying it. Give her a clear choice: give up the affairs, have NO CONTACT with the other guys, and give you all her passwords, or move out.

If your teenager knows, you need to show her that betrayal is not OK in a marriage, and that you can stand up for yourself and for her.

I know how hard this all is, and I am so sorry that you find yourself here. Keep posting and reading. There are a lot of kind and helpful people here who will help you figure this out.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 313 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Jls0320 at 10:18 AM, April 27th (Sunday)]


Me: 33 BS 2 little boys
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 6yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 248 | Registered: Nov 2013
dadto3
New Member
Member # 43253
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I do confront her and give her the clear choice do I ask her to leave when/if she refuses ?
Or do I leave the house?
I don't want to leave my kids.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're here.

What is your relationship with your wife like now? Do you suspect she is still deceiving you now, or hiding things in the present? Or is it her refusal to go over what happened that makes things difficult?

Your wife has obviously wanted to sweep this under the rug and face no consequences, nor does she want to discuss what led to her being in a place to carry on an affair (whether emotional or physical).

Can you suggest you each go to IC, individual therapy? Is there a faith you belong to that offers counseling? As a final option, you could ask her to take a lie detector test. For me the big thing would be the transparency--does she insist her phone and communications are private? Secrets aren't healthy in a M and those with nothing to hie, hide nothing; but I'm guessing she says she feels you need to just trust her.

If you still love her and she makes you happy, I hope she can learn to offer more openness. But if your life together is mostly about defensiveness on her side and she won't talk about the past with you, leaving your feelings unresolved, that's awful. She should want to make you feel safe and to help you regain trust.

It seems as if this might be a dealbreaker for you. Have you consulted a L to find out what the likely custody and support outcome would be?

Good luck.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4030 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
LeftOutintheCold
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Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one can tell you exactly what to do as you have to follow what's in your heart. However, I will tell you the sooner you address this, the better. If she is not giving you any of her phone info and refusing the NC letters, then it's a sure bet she's still has something to hide. She's lying to you. How long do you want to live like that? When you can answer that, then you'll know when you're ready to give an ultimatum.

It is hard. It's going to get harder before it gets better for you, but you have to do what is right for you and your children. Read the 180 and start implementing it. It is for your well being.

You need to be taking care of yourself so that you can take the best care you can of your children. I'm so sorry you had to come to SI, but you are in a great place and will receive a lot of support! (((dadto3)))


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 326 | Registered: Mar 2014
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dad,

Do you have reason to believe the affair is ongoing?
Has there been any “progress” or change in your WW interaction with you since the d-day?
Has your wife ever given you a “reason” for why she had the affair?
Does she admit it was an affair or does she call it something else?

Look – It’s been over a year. As a rule I NEVER suggest inaction and I’m not going to change that now. But give us more info and chances are we can offer you some sort of a guideline to go by. This is definitely a situation you need to change.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5502 | Registered: Sep 2005
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have today asked her for her password for her phone and she refuses.

Why?

Or do I leave the house?

Never, she is choosing to have the affair. She needs to leave.

I base my statement on:

I had asked her to send the other coward a no contact letter , stop texting with the guys from work and for her passwords to her accounts.
I received none.

She is choosing to invest her time(that should be spent on family) in texting and talking with OM. I recommend
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11
as a way to give yourself some time and space to determine your next steps. Please read the healing library located in the upper left hand corner. The BS FAQ's is a great place to start.

Welcome brother.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2669 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Credence
♂ Member
Member # 42682
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're more than a year out from DDay and from what you've written it would seem that your WW has not taken considerable action to reconcile. I get the impression that she is unremorseful and could quite possibly have taken her A underground (this is what the lack of transparency suggests).

I think you need to (and want to?) take a stand and give her an ultimatum - she is either going to work with you and give you everything you need to work towards R or she needs to pack her shit and hit the bricks.

You cannot reconcile without transparency. You cannot reconcile without her going NC with the AP. You cannot reconcile if she is keeping the truth from you and you cannot reconcile without a monumental commitment from her and a crap load of effort from her ("the therapist is picking on me" just doesn't cut it).

What are your thoughts? Do you want to reconcile? Do you feel that she wants to reconcile? Have you thought about D?

I have today asked her for her password for her phone and she refuses
You need to make it clear to her that this is not a request, it is a requirement. If she isn't going to be transparent then you can't possibly consider trusting her.

When I do confront her and give her the clear choice do I ask her to leave when/if she refuses ?
Or do I leave the house?
I don't want to leave my kids.
She leaves. End of!


If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got

Posts: 182 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: UK
dadto3
New Member
Member # 43253
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your words. When I found out she said it happened because I wasn't paying enough attention to her. I have tried to improve on that aspect and set up date nights for just the two of us to spend time together without kids. I have asked her for her to also set up date bights for us but she says she doesn't know where to go or what I want to do. I did find out months after the initial time I had asked her not to contact him anymore that they were still texting behind my back. Thi has happened twice to my knowledge. She says he no longer is working at her workplace but to me that doesn't mean much as she can still text without me knowing. She has an iPhone and can receive Imessages without it coming up on the phone bill. Things were getting better for awhile but the unwillingness to have her life an open book for me to get past this A is a big issue with me.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
dadto3
New Member
Member # 43253
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always said that if she cheated on me that would be the end of us, as this happened with my parents when I was young. But having my kids and not wanting them to have to go through a divorce is also very important. Yes I have considered talking with a lawyer but have not yet.
Still unsure of my next step
Just venting it out in this forum is very helpful. I do appreciate your responses.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
karmahappens
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Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I found out she said it happened because I wasn't paying enough attention to her.

Her affair has nothing to do with you!

You didn't cause it, she is broken and needs to get into some therapy. She is little by little ripping the man she married to shreds.

You have to stop the bleeding. IMO, you could use therapy as well, if she refuses to go, go on your own.

Get strong, understand these choices are hers and she needs to fix and own her shit, not blame you.

I would collect all evidence and contact an attorney. Don't tell her, just get info and find out how to protect yourself.

She isn't taking your needs into consideration at all.

Pull the 180 on her at the minimum or have her move out, whichever you decide.

Stop jumping through hoops for her, you cannot love her back or nice her into doing what's right. She needs to pull her head out of her ass and get real.

When this happened to me and I found my husband with the OW I hefty bagged his shit...threw him out and let him feel what the loss of his family would be.

You need to rock her world....get strong for you and the kids and start demanding better.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3789 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The healing library has lots of great info

This is the 180

So here's the list:

Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
No frequent phone calls.
Don't point out "good points" in marriage.
Don't follow her/him around the house.
Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.
Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.
Don't ask for reassurances.
Don't buy or give gifts.
Don't schedule dates together.
Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.
Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.
Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!
If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!
Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.
All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!
Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!
Don't be overly enthusiastic.
Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!
Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!
Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.
Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.
Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!
Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"
Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.
When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." (Poodlepapa)

[This message edited by karmahappens at 1:02 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3789 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
betrayedscholar
♀ New Member
Member # 43244
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dadto3,
My parents divorced, so I can give you the perspective of one child of divorce. They divorced when I was 16, and I was somewhat aware of the problems (possible affair, hidden texts, etc.). This is just my opinion based on my experience.

It took me a long time to develop a healthy relationship with my parents because there was a lot of blaming going on (between my parents, and on my part). I blamed my father for leaving us, for betraying my mother, etc.

However, both of my parents helped me a lot by being open about what was going on. Not the nature of the affair, but the status of their relationship.

If you stay, make it clear that you value the relationship and want to rebuild trust. The message that you send is that you can't just throw in the towel and relationships are hard work.

If you decide to leave make it clear that it is not your children's fault, that you still love them, and try to avoid bringing them into the conflict. I know that gets said a lot, but I really felt like it was my fault. Occasionally one of my parents would bring up "the kids getting in the way" or taking time away from the marriage and that really hurt. Obviously those are natural feelings and it happens, but those conversations are best held away from the kids.

Having to be go-between for my parents until they had reached a point where they could be civil was brutal. It wasn't the conflict that was a problem for me, it was being brought into it.

In any event, my parents' divorce ended up being a positive thing from my perspective. I could tell there was conflict and that they weren't happy. It wasn't a good environment to be in, and now that time has passed I have a better relationship with both of them than I had when they were trying and failing to make it work.


Posts: 17 | Registered: Apr 2014
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First let me reiterate that I will never recommend inaction.

There is an old adage often seen here on SI to never to take any major decision in the six months after d-day. I absolutely hate that advice. Inaction will only leave you where you are. Its IMHO Imperative that you take action and start working your way out of infidelity ASAP. However… the course of action has to be carefully thought through and you need goals and milestones to progress towards.

Be careful in using threats and ultimatums. In fact – avoid them unless they fit a very specific criteria. For example demanding she leaves… Well… what if she refuses? Legally she can and you can be in a tub load of trouble if you force her out. So don’t demand she leaves unless you can enforce it.

OK – As a first step I suggest you do the following:
REALLY think what it is you fear the most.

You state you don’t want your kids to grow up with divorced parents.

If divorce is your biggest fear… well… then don’t do anything that could lead to divorce.

That might include accepting your wife is in an affair. Might include accepting she’s so emotionally closed to you she isn’t willing to plan date-nights. Use condoms to avoid STD’s ... As long as she accepts a marriage on those grounds… Well… you don’t need to fear divorce.
I do however warn you that kids tend to base their future marriage on what they see with their parents so you should do something about your 15 year old daughter…

If the above does not sound like a good plan then THINK!!!
WHAT IS IT YOU FEAR THE MOST????

After all – if you are not willing to allow your wife to have her affair and thereby avoid divorce then there IS something you fear more than divorce.

I’m guessing that when push comes to shove you will realize that what you fear the most is that your wife remains in an affair. You fear SHARING your wife.

With me so far?
OK – So if you have realized that THIS is your biggest fear – that the worst possible outcome of this situation is that 12 months from now you are waiting for her to come home after “overtime” and hoping she’s had the decency to clean herself… THEN you have a baseline to work from when deciding your next steps.

You see – in order to save your marriage you have to be willing to leave your wife behind…

Fact is you can’t save your marriage. The marriage you had… That’s a corpse and from the sound of it it’s started to rot. What you can do is offer your WW a new marriage that extracts all the good from the old one and does it’s best to exorcise the bad from it. A marriage you two can build and improve. But in order to do that you really need to be willing to walk away from the old one.

You can make the “new” marriage enticing for your wife, and you can create pressure that pushes her towards it but you can never force her into it. To get her to follow you then you need to be willing to walk away from where you are now. That does include being willing to risk divorce if she doesn’t want out of infidelity.

Dad – if you accept that sharing your wife is immensely worse than a possible divorce I can share with you some thoughts on how to proceed.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5502 | Registered: Sep 2005
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dadto3. Sorry for your pain and will try to be gentle but am not the most eloquent of posters.

Several others have pointed out this is not our fault. The fact is,she in essence refuses to do any of the things you asked for. Not one stinking thing. Cheaters lie. If she had a problem with you not paying enough attention, she should have talked to you. Did she? Probably not, am I right? I'm 45 years old been to lots of holiday parties at work and not once was I told spouses aren't allowed, probably a lie. It wasn't sexual, probably a lie.

My WW affair sucked and she hurt and disrespected me greatly. She never confessed but she did not deny it when I confronted her. She did try to blame shift with some utter garbage, a lie. My WW said she knew I was cheating and OM had proved it to her, again a lie. Kind of a recurring theme with WS's. My WW has changed her tune and is really doing all she can. I've got to respect that.

Your wife REFUSES to provide you with any of the things you requested to help you feel secure. That smacks of disrespect and her entitlement.

You need to protect yourself and your children. See a lawyer and start the 180. You said your 15 year old daughter knows what's going on. What she sees is wrong and an unhealthy relationship. We've all been there. Your wife has done absolutely nothing to heal your hurts or make your marriage better.

Brother I apologize if this seems harsh but after reading your post I'm angry for you. I'm angry for every BS that had or is taking such abuse. But chin up, you've found a great place and everyone is here to support you.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 318 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Firstly ((dadof3))
"I have always said that if she cheated on me that would be the end of us" famous last words, aren't they??

My story mirrors yours so much, I really feel for the decision you have to make. I'd just like to share a couple if my beliefs.

The affair is not your fault. It is hers. You've admitted you had marriage problems and have tried fixing them, she hasn't. This situation is on her.
Therefor, she should leave. Although, I would personally seek some legal advice for this, especially with children.
Get yourself some IC. Whether you choose to ignore this, or find the courage to 180, look after yourself, mentally and physically.

Really, how long can you emotionally keep getting battered like this? I know I can't. I'm scared about where this may take me, but deep down, I'm know I'm worth more.

So are you.



Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 109 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the very situation you are in except for opposite roles..

I am the BS, breadwinner, WS financially dependent on me..

For the time being he makes more money than me but is dependent on me for med insurance thru my company..I am retired..

Anyway, my WH has been asked to leave,HE REFUSES to leave,

he REFUSES to show me any password to anything, no transparency, no remorse..

So I am getting my ducks in a row to file for divorce so I can move somewhere else or force him to leave..I would not want him back even if he did an about face and was suddenly interested in saving the marriage... I am mentally divorced from him, not present for him any more..I carry on my own life irregardless of his life and schedule..

So to answer your question, if your WW refuses to do what you ask for R and also refuses to leave, get your ducks in a row, protect yourself financially and legally and don't do anything for yourWW... Living in the same home with your WW doesn't mean you have to be present for her as a spouse..

No sex, no laundry, no cooking, none of those things that make her feel special..

I know in house separation sucks but it is better than living with an un remorseful cheater and doing stuff for her as if the marriage was still intact..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 2:18 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1165 | Registered: Nov 2011
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She says he no longer is working at her workplace but to me that doesn't mean much as she can still text without me knowing. She has an iPhone and can receive Imessages without it coming up on the phone bill.

This is EXACTLY the type of crap I'm constantly posting about here on SI. Monitoring the usual email accounts and the cell phone bill pretty much means squat, now that there are tons of apps to download that allow you to communicate WITHOUT it leaving a trace.

She's not remorseful at all. She can't even be motivated enough to come up with a date night as part of your reconciliation. Why are YOU doing all the work to clean up her mess?

You're not in reconciliation. She's not in it to win it. She's just giving you barely enough to keep the status quo. You deserve better.

Don't YOU leave the house. Legally, that might be construed as desertion. Let her leave.

..

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 3:33 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
dadto3
New Member
Member # 43253
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all
So I just let her know that when I had asked this morning for her phone password that it wasn't a request but it is a requirement for our marriage to move forward. I told her either I get access to all accounts including her phone or she could find a place elsewhere to stay, she must have thought I was kidding because she laughed .
I am trying the 180 approach ,made myself and the kids dinner but did not make hers.she seemed angry and left for work.I wish there was an easy solution to this problem but I think this new approach will work.
Thank you

Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 33
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