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Newest Member: Shockedmom (44708)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: hunh. I called a guy a player...
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it has been an interesting lesson.

The most interesting is how he is relaxing a little, opening up and apologized for what I considered something very minor…which I didn't even point out. I mentioned I prefer to talk on the phone before going out.

He asked me out via email last night, but I hadn't responded today yet. He then sent another email this morning and apologized, saying he knew I preferred to talk on the phone first, and would I be available to talk tomorrow night and lunch sometime this week? I replied, "it was a suggestion, not a requirement…but yes, I am available on XYZ".

He then thanked me for my patience while he "course corrected."

So, an interesting fellow and I am going to let this unfold a little bit more. I do need to be careful I don't pigeon hole men, and I am learning how to discover instead of decide.

Growth.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4112 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Growth is good.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25032 | Registered: Aug 2011
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, I haven't read all the responses but who knows?? Maybe he IS a player!

I say this because I suspected this of the guy I had been seeing recently. He denied, denied, denied.

Guess what? He's a free spirit, a womanizer, aka player! "My" guy WAS a player and also a loon. My gut was right. Who cares what they say. Watch their actions. Maybe he has been accused before and that's why he's sensitive.

Keep your eyes open.

Hopefully, he's a good guy.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Jul 2008
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, as a follow up, I did, very gently, probe a little as to his reaction…here is what he said and why I think he is worth me continuing on:

Why was I sensitive about the remark? Well, I felt that you were making the assessment that I was out to bang every woman on match. Did I jump to a conclusion? Most certainly. And for that I apologize. To gently reiterate, I will chat and meet up with people until such time as I find someone I want to explore something real with, or as I often do, get tired of the whole thing and take a break. You explained your remark clearly and thoughtfully and apologized sincerely and authentically, and I’m way over it.

We have a phone date and a lunch date planned for this week. He is an interesting guy. Are my eyes wide open? Of course.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4112 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keeping a friendly distance is appropriate. What are the ways you can keep good distance without being defensive?
I like idea this InnerLight. I think I may do this exercise myself. How to be protected and get closer to someone when I am in the beginning stages of dating. I believe it is possible without being on the defensive. To be smart and get involved at the same time...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3090 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like his reply back. He's taking dating seriously, in a good way.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4086 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly, I am impressed with his value system, his honesty. He has a firm "6 month rule" to women meeting his son.

What of course, is the unknown, is if we have in person "chemistry" and I'll find out soon enough.

He told me I could "probe" and I told him I wasn't ready to ask probing questions. I didn't want to treat this as an interview, but instead just let him unfold a little and get to know him.

He thanked me for how I responded. I'm not. I'm not interested in digging through his ghosts. He has been honest with me, and forthcoming and that is all I need at this point.

Damn. Dating like a grownup.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4112 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

****update****

Finally was able to meet this guy yesterday for lunch. We had a great two hour lunch where we laughed, talked and had a blast.

And then decided that we are friends and nothing more. No "spark" for either of us and I'm totally cool with it.

As he put it, "We get each other". Cool. A new friend.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4112 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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