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User Topic: She expects me to go all out for her Bday.
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you send her an email, and explain to her that it's NOT gonna happen?? You don't have to be an ass about it, but you do have to remind her how she treated you and your b-d.

Too fuckin' bad that she wants a big to-do.

Maybe ask her if she would like the same gift she gave you?? (not really, just being snarky!!)

People can become a WS due to their selfishness. She is still there.

DO NOT do something for her just b/c she is demanding it. Or sadly her behavior will continue on that path.

Her reaction of anything short of "OMG I am so sorry" will tell you all you need to know.

My H's 60th was last summer. I did NOT want to do anything big, but ended up with a surprise party b/c DD, and our friends wanted to (they do not know of LTEA). I went thru the motions but could really have cared less.

My b-d was last week. I got NADA until he came home from work. No "happy b-d S2S" when he left for work, no phone call alllll day. Then when he came home with a card and small cake (we had DGD for the week) I was suppose to be SO happy. NOT!! I let him have it (again) and got the "I'm so stressed, I'm doing your job too (we work together), blah blah blah. Just another knife in the heart, another reason to keep on my "ducks in a row" path. WE deserve more than they gave to their AP's. The fact that we don't get it shows us exactly where we stand.

Sending strength.

Sorry. Didn't mean to write a novel, or t/j.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd much rather speak with her in person about it. I feel chat/email/text is too impersonal and she can't hear the inflection in my voice when I say important things.

I don't have any issue having low-key birthday with her. But I cannot go all-out for her on that day. Not this year.

I bought her a nice diamond necklace at christmas last year, before I found out she was having the A and while it was still going on. I feel so f'ing stupid seeing it around her neck every day and I don't want to create more feelings of being a moron by treating her to something nice on her birthday as well. I got a coffee pot on christmas and another guy's wiener inside her on my birthday. So awesome. /sarcasm

Don't get me wrong, my coffee pot is great! I would have been happy with a coffee cup. I'm pretty low maintenance.

[This message edited by Erasmus at 1:47 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EVERYTHING changes after Dday.

For your WW to expect to be showered with affection and gifts for her birthday is akin to her expecting you to win her back.

It should be the other way around. It needs to be the other way around.

Sounds to me like your WW lacks remorse and even a shred of empathy.

Before Dday I used to make a big deal out of her birthday. Vday. Holidays. Now not so much. A card is about all I can manage.

A affair changes the entire relationship. The entire dynamic shifts. Expectations need to change because of that. Eventually some of the old ways may come back, but maybe not.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3338 | Registered: Sep 2007
Tren0R201
♂ Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One feels she's still in the driving seat in this relationship.

You say you haven't seen true remorse. You mention the making lunch and little love notes...big bloody deal..sorry for the 'd call that very light lifting, I call it placating someone whilst not addressing the real issues.

To say the least what she did was..well astoundingly callous. You need to stop fudging around the issue..birthdays will always have a stigma attached to them because of what she did. The closer it gets the more you're going to trigger.

It's not about being vindictive at all. You haven't dealt with the issues, you haven't seen remorse, you said yourself you feel it's only a matter of time before you feel she does it again, now all of a sudden you're meant to be laughing and celebrating like nothing is wrong.

What an imbalance. She did what she did, but you get to wine her and dine her.

Who was OM, where did they meet. Are they over?


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2013
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well here's where I have to be fair to her in this regard. Not because I think the affair was my fault but because I was a shit in the past at times.

I never really paid enough attention to her on her previous birthdays. I would get her flowers and try to make her feel special but I could have done far FAR more for her to show her just HOW special she is to me. The affair started, according to her, after her last birthday when she felt I had ignored her. I never understood how much she wanted me to make her feel special on that day and the end result was my most recent birthday being spent with another man.

I do NOT accept that in any way as a reflection of my previous action or inaction, but I do understand that it may have been a cause for resentment towards me. This is why I'm torn right now. I want her to know she is very VERY important to me but I cannot simply shower her with gifts and unrestrained affection after what she did to me.


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tren0R201,

The OM is someone she met online. He's as much of a sleaze as anyone I've ever encountered as he cheated on his wife and 3 kids with my wife. They are not in contact anymore as far as I can tell, and I have been watching very closely. Far more closely than she thinks I am. (its what happens when your SO has extensive experience with data forensics and you don't understand what that even means)

Birthdays as well as so many other things in my life are now triggers. Names, places, songs, dates, ugh... the list goes on and on.

I do need to flip the table on her and make her understand that I'm not going to stand here and take this shit. But I don't know how.

I'm a being of logic and am academically intelligent, but I am sorely lacking in the realms of emotion and issues of the heart. I feel I am surely susceptible to manipulation in those areas.

[This message edited by Erasmus at 2:17 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never really paid enough attention to her on her previous birthdays. I would get her flowers and try to make her feel special but I could have done far FAR more for her to show her just HOW special she is to me. The affair started, according to her, after her last birthday when she felt I had ignored her. I never understood how much she wanted me to make her feel special on that day and the end result was my most recent birthday being spent with another man.


Is she on-verbal? She can talk - right? She could have told you what he wanted, she seems to have no problem now.

You need to have a HUGE talk. Is she W or Fiance? If she is F, you should not marry before you work this out.

On my FWSO's 1st bday after DDay, I gave him a card that said M"y gift to you is the ability to try to R. It is the biggest gift I have ever given anyone. I am letting you back into my heart, and if my heart is not enough, I don't know what is."


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 980 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is my fiance, I sometimes refer to her as my wife tho as it's how I viewed her before the A came to light (and still do regardless of how much I could be deluding myself). She's been pushing me harder than ever to marry now and to be perfectly honest, it's making me retreat more and more every time she brings it up. I simply cannot and will not complete the vows with her as long as there is a single shred of doubt in my mind. The repeated pushes to finalize the marriage make me supremely nervous that she could be trying to pull me into a trap of some kind. It's very very confusing. Or I could be completely wrong and she views it as cementing her commitment to me. I don't know. I overanalyze everything.

We do talk, frequently, about the A. I try to remain calm in every conversation but admittedly I have become angered during some of them and said some things I regret. I'm working on it.

At the end of the day I just want my life back. She's already given me the most amazing gift any human being could ever give me, my daughter. I would burn cities for that little girl. I truly do want our family to stay together. I truly do want her to be my wife. Time is the wall I have to crawl up now. Time to realize that it isn't going to happen again.

[This message edited by Erasmus at 2:43 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never understood how much she wanted me to make her feel special on that day ....

You aren't a mind reader. She needed to tell you this. How else would you know?

You're saying you've set some limits - more cheating and you're done - but you seem to be letting her dictate the terms of the R.

Your M needs to serve both of you, not just her. She broke the M. If she wants back in, she needs to show repentance - give more, take less.

I don't remember my W's A didn't keep her from screwing up my b'day, and she was remorseful from the start. Even so, I didn't give her a gift until her 3rd post-D-Day b'day, and that was dance lessons, a gift for both of us.

Your SO effed up a day that was important to you. Celebrating the same day for her is nothing less than selling yourself out.

I agree that talking to her directly is the best way to do this. Tell her your gift to her is NOT doing what Aubrie suggests. If she won't understand what a gift that is at this point, help her pack - she's far too immature enough for an adult relationship.

I'm very sorry for your loss and your pain. My concern is minimizing your pain as you continue to live your life. Right now, it sounds like your SO is dumping more pain on you.

She won't change until you demand it, and maybe not then.

R takes a lot of honesty, openness, introspection, and change. Time alone won't heal you, her, or your relationship. It'll just sweep shit under the rug.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:51 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9733 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Tren0R201
♂ Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow just wow. Maybe you were, how you put it, a shit..on that you'll have to elaborate. I still think you're trying to rugsweep on this.

You got flowers and generally celebrated her birthday but you feel you could have done "so much more" like what?
And because you ignored her on her birthday she went out on yours and screwed another man..wow, talk about revenge! What happens during the next disagreement..as you already said you feel it only a matter of time before she does it again.

Now she's dropping hints about her birthday so naturally you feel under pressure to do something so she won't go off and have sex again?

What exactly has she done to heal you apart from making your lunch. Ask her what will happen if you don't celebrate her birthday because you know..sheesh it makes you trigger about what she did. Are you guys in MC?


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2013
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now she's dropping hints about her birthday so naturally you feel under pressure to do something so she won't go off and have sex again?

Yeah, pretty much that. I have zero confidence in her ability to remain faithful right now. No amount of her telling me she will is having any effect.

She said she started seeking out affection elsewhere because she felt I wasn't interested in her enough to give her the affection she desired. Tho it might have helped to tell me this rather than assume I was reading her mind.

By being "a shit" I meant that I was certainly not paying enough attention to her at the time. Our baby had just turned 1 and I was absolutely going through some form of male postpartum distress. I felt generally down. I didn't want to go out to social events. I felt as tho my role in life had fully shifted from the pursuer to provider. I was in full blown dad-mode and some of the spark in our relationship had died.

You wanna know something I find sick? After I found out about her A everything turned around inside me. I feel that urge to pursue her again. I feel the same sexual desire for her that I had lost during the pregnancy and after the baby was born. It shocked me out of the hole I had been living inside of. I don't know what else might have had the power to snap me out of that place.

So yes, I was a shitty partner for a while there. I accept that but I certainly don't blame myself for her cheating. I felt very alone as well and I didn't go sleep with other women to fill any of my needs. I just did what psychotic people do and burried those feelings deep deep inside.


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, pretty much that. I have zero confidence in her ability to remain faithful right now. No amount of her telling me she will is having any effect.

If only for this please do not marry, it is hard enough to disattach if that cmomes to pass without the legal mess. You will have enough of that just with your predious princess(my name for my granddaughter).

She said she started seeking out affection elsewhere because she felt I wasn't interested in her enough to give her the affection she desired. Tho it might have helped to tell me this rather than assume I was reading her mind.

This was also 1 of our issues, but I was the silent resenter. His love was one of demonstration, mine I needed to hear it. Yet never once after DDay did he ever try to blame his A on me. She needs to own her stuff to be truly remorseful. It can also be true you don't know what you have til you lose it, which may be why she is pushing to marry.

By being "a shit" I meant that I was certainly not paying enough attention to her at the time. Our baby had just turned 1 and I was absolutely going through some form of male postpartum distress. I felt generally down. I didn't want to go out to social events. I felt as tho my role in life had fully shifted from the pursuer to provider. I was in full blown dad-mode and some of the spark in our relationship had died.

You didn't feel that it shifted - it did shift. If you are a true parent it shifts as soon as they are born. You are now responsible for another helpless human being & you felt that. Good for you!!! Most parents will tell you that sex after baby is slow to return to throw you down in the kitchen sex for a longtime. Trust me when they leave the nest it comes back . LOL!

You wanna know something I find sick? After I found out about her A everything turned around inside me. I feel that urge to pursue her again. I feel the same sexual desire for her that I had lost during the pregnancy and after the baby was born. It shocked me out of the hole I had been living inside of. I don't know what else might have had the power to snap me out of that place.

Hysterical Bonding - please look it up.

So yes, I was a shitty partner for a while there. I accept that but I certainly don't blame myself for her cheating. I felt very alone as well and I didn't go sleep with other women to fill any of my needs. I just did what psychotic people do and burried those feelings deep deep inside.

Not psychotic at all, human maybe, not psychotic.

Will she do IC/MC? I say this since you have a child but only you can judge how far down the rabbit hole she is. Maybe that can be your BDay gift, an offer of hope. I did not mean to come of snarky it just pisses me off when waywards try to put there actions on the betrayed.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 980 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This stood out for me too--

I never really paid enough attention to her on her previous birthdays. I would get her flowers and try to make her feel special but I could have done far FAR more for her to show her just HOW special she is to me. The affair started, according to her, after her last birthday when she felt I had ignored her. I never understood how much she wanted me to make her feel special on that day and the end result was my most recent birthday being spent with another man.

This is NOT about your inability to do enough to make her feel special. You got flowers, you tried, that is enough for most people. It is not enough for her because NOTHING is enough for her. Does she really believe this reasoning is justified??!!! The selfish blindness is staggering.

She needs to really question just what hole 'special' is filling inside of her, and grow up.

ETA: I also cannot believe she is pressuring you about marriage. Let me guess, she also needs a big special wedding day and a ring on her finger to feel she matters? This is seriously, deeply broken thinking. Beware.

[This message edited by norabird at 3:51 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3648 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't feel that it shifted - it did shift. If you are a true parent it shifts as soon as they are born. You are now responsible for another helpless human being & you felt that. Good for you!!!

It shifted instantly for me as soon as I saw that little squishy-faced, blue, slime covered angel pop out. I felt it inside like a ton of bricks falling on me. I fell in love for the second time in my life. My WS tells me all the time that she never in her wildest dreams would have imagined I would react the way I did. I never left my daughter's side in the hospital. I didn't eat for days (stupid me, next time I'm signing up for the daddy meal plan in the hospital) and slept on the tiny little sofa in the freezing hospital room until it made me physically sick. (i developed a fever so high the nurses that were there for her were worrying and fussing over me)

Will she do IC/MC? I say this since you have a child but only you can judge how far down the rabbit hole she is.

She is willing to do IC/MC for sure. We've visited a couple therapists so far but have not found one that both of us felt we 'meshed' with. I've been pushing her to start IC without me just to help her get moving in the right direction. She's experienced trauma in her life that most women will never encounter and would be absolutely terrified to even think about. I know it's caused excessive damage to her emotionally. She needs counselling, without question. So do I. We're a couple of people with severe emotional trauma in our pasts.

Hysterical Bonding - please look it up.

Agreed, I wasn't even thinking about that when I wrote that paragraph. Sexual desire for my WS has never been an issue. (she thinks it was because of the weight she gained during pregnancy, but in all honesty I found her VERY VERY attractive when she was pregnant, and still do now) But all of a sudden it did resurface stronger than ever before.

I've retreated a little bit over the past couple days and one thing I've noticed is a very tiny, almost imperceptible shift in her attitude towards me and our future together. I think she may be starting to feel that it could all go away. That it could end suddenly and forever if I'm unable to regain some of my trust.


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETA: I also cannot believe she is pressuring you about marriage. Let me guess, she also needs a big special wedding day and a ring on her finger to feel she matters? This is seriously, deeply broken thinking. Beware.

She's always kinda pressured me to complete the marriage. It's just intensified recently. She has never once asked for a huge wedding, in fact she has stated that a very quiet ceremony on the beach or in a beautiful forest would be a dream wedding for her. She has the ring I gave her which is a family heirloom that was passed down to me. It's pretty, but nothing huge and she adores it.

If I had to stab completely into the dark I would guess that her increased desire to get married is due to a feeling of possibly losing our family over this. But that's just me guessing. I have two methods of thought generally. Hopelessly optimistic and the flip side, criminally cynical. It's something I need to work on.


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've retreated a little bit over the past couple days and one thing I've noticed is a very tiny, almost imperceptible shift in her attitude towards me and our future together. I think she may be starting to feel that it could all go away. That it could end suddenly and forever if I'm unable to regain some of my trust.


That is a good sign, please just don't cave. Have you looked at the 180, it is in the healing library. It is probably the hardest thing I ever did was stand my ground. As soon as he was out of sight I was a puddle. I swear I drank so much water because I cried it all out.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 980 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
MediumRare
♂ Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Erasmus,
Let me see if I got this straight...

Last January for your birthday, not only did she leave you totally alone the entire night, but was actually off fucking some other man.

And now you're worried about whether or not you should totally "do-up" her upcoming birthday?

Sorry man, but only a few choice words come to mind here: ridiculous, ludicrous and a few other words expressing the same sentiment but in a more colorful fashion...

Apparently your WS has absolutely NO idea what kind of wreckage she has caused.

Sorry man, I have to bust out this gif every time I see one of our bro's here getting that kind of treatment...

A woman that spent the whole night with and fucked some other guy on your birthday (that was just a couple months ago) is NOW dropping hints about what a big birthday bonanza you're supposed to prepare for her? Only one thing to do...

[This message edited by MediumRare at 4:18 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 712 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
Erasmus
♂ Member
Member # 42622
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MediumRare,

I know, insane right? That's how I feel about the whole situation. I am going to very plainly explain my feelings about it to her, this weekend, if not before then. Saturday presents a good opportunity as Grandma will have our little one for the night. I hate to spoil 1 of the 2 nights a month we get alone together but it's just that important in my mind.

I want her to know I do care, but at the same time I simply cannot give her a big birthday after what she did to me. It was the most crushing night of my entire life, bar none. Every birthday I have moving forward will be tainted by this one. I almost don't want my birthday celebrated anymore, it's really that bad.

Great gif by the way...


Me: BS
Her: WS
Together 4 years
DDay: 2/24/14

Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The affair started, according to her, after her last birthday when she felt I had ignored her

Erasmus, you got her flowers, and whatever else small gesture, and that wasn't enough? Come on, now, she's acting like a spoiled child who would throw a tantrum because he/she didn't get exactly what they wanted for their birthday.

Frankly, there'd be no way in hell I'd even acknowledge her birthday at this point. You are still there without much help from her, that, sir, should be her gift.


Posts: 7389 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The affair started, according to her, after her last birthday when she felt I had ignored her.

And now she's making it clear that, despite f**king someone on YOUR birthday, you need to make a fuss of her on hers...with the unspoken threat that otherwise she'll do it again.

Listen to me very carefully:

She is emotionally abusing you right now.

She knows that you are in pain, she knows you are afraid of losing her, she knows that she is the one who has hurt you...and is using all of that to manipulate you into doing what she wants...also knowing that birthdays are a huge painful trigger for you. She is a deliberately heaping more pain upon your pain and treating YOU like the WS and as if she is the BW. She has you believing that you need to make things right with her. She's not just unremorseful, she's cruel.

You deserve better treatment than this and you need to insist on it because right now she's disrespecting you on a very basic level. I say this as someone who waited until my WS (who also twisted our roles around) left me. I endured similar emotional threats/manipulation and tried to placate him, at the expense of my sense of judgement and self esteem. I have ended up much more hurt & needing healing, than if I'd kicked him out and waited to see if he found remorse & respect for me.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 724 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
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