BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
If you have not, please get yourself checked for STDs. Your husband has played down his physical involvement with these women. Is he claiming he never had sex with any of the women he had EAs with? Because that is very unlikely to go partially all the way - especially with numerous affairs.
How horrible for you to have your pregnancy and the first few months of being a new mom tainted by infidelity. I am angry for you.
You are right, 10 years of lies is a lot to overcome.
I want to very gently point this out
Bottom line WH has never trusted me with loving him for him, so he found validation from others at the expense of me.
Your WH had multiple affairs (EA/PA) during a time when you needed him most and he is going to turn that onto you? The nerve! He didn't trust your love for him (while you were laboring his son!) so he decided to text with his OW? Being an outsider to your situation his explanation makes zero sense. It sounds like he is turning it around to make it where you should have been showing him love differently.
I hope the timeline he is writing helps.
BrokenBlackBird, thank you for your post. I have since made WH go and have tests done and will be with him when he gets the results. I was a bit shocked at how I had not thought of that before and it rattled me a little!
The words that you have quoted are my words, not his. We have done a lot of talking in 3 months, up and down, around, in and out, you name it we have talked about it. These are my feelings based on things that have come out of that. He has never blamed me for the affair in any way, and in my dark moments when I have blamed myself he becomes very upset and adamant that this is all on him. HE didn't show vulnerability with me, HE lied and hid behind secrets, HE was selfish, HE was needing his fix of attention to validate himself, he never even cared one iota for these women, they were toys that made him feel liked. Lots of childhood cr*p in there, that is not an excuse, but areas in which he needs to work on to make sure it never happens again!
[This message edited by FixYou71 at 10:56 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]
Yet we did have things missing, things that even now, in the midst of the most turbulent time in our lives, because he is fully engaged in the relationship and has made his family his number one priority, things are already feeling better. Do I trust it yet? HELL NO!! But it is so good to hear someone else's experience work out in a major positive. Maybe we could have a relationship 10 times better then the illusion I thought we had. I hope so, it's a dream that keeps me getting out of bed every day!
Just to repeat, you can make it work. If it is what you both want, if he has absolutely no contact with these woman, if he allows you full access to all phones , computers etc, if he is transparent in all things, if he lets you scream at him when you need to without getting angry, if he holds you and tells you he loves you all the time, if he lets you ask the same questions as many times as you need to, if he shows you everyday how much he loves you, if he is remorseful and accepts full responsibility then yes you can. It is damn hard and there will be times when you want to smash his face for doing this to you, times when the hurt is so bad you can hardly breathe let alone function properly, but time, patience and love do help and you can have a better marriage.
We all lose sight of each other sometimes, I just wish there was a better way for us to realise than affairs. (No excuses for WS- just an acknowledgement that sometimes we aren't aware of problems in our relationships )