Over time I've done a lot of good stuff for myself, especially since the separation and divorce. Most of this is since then but some of it is stuff I've been working on long term.
I've lost 40 pounds from my peak weight and continue to slowly lose. I hope to lose 20 more this year.
My blood pressure runs about 120/70 which is, I'm told, within normal range. I take a small amount of meds for it, but I'm told if I continue to lose weight I may not need it. It used to run 160/90.
I have the first all-within-good-range cholesterol results I've ever seen as an adult (my triglycerides always seemed to run high but now they're well within good range! And my good/bad ratio is good too--good has tended to run low.)
I regularly get aerobic exercise and I go to the gym to do weight training with a friend twice a week.
I haven't had clinical-level depression since 2006 (thanks EMDR!); only stuff I've had has been normal ups and downs and situational grieving and response to low sleep and so on. Nothing like the 3-4 years of severe depression I had between roughly 02-06. I've been told I'm very resilient by more than one therapist. :) And as far as I can tell, I don't need meds to be this way. I'm on a couple that are "legacy" but am slowly tapering them with the guidance of an excellent psychiatrist.
I've been doing a lot of EMDR sessions since December, after a 7 year break. I stopped because my daughter was born and it slipped to the back burner. They have done a wide range of incredibly good things for me. I no longer fear talking to my father. I am much better at knowing how I'm feeling and standing up for myself. A good friend of mine says I seem to be "growing boundaries." I feel calmer. I meditate regularly. I enjoy being alone. I am still a bit numb but much less than I was last year.
I have sleep apnea but it's being adequately treated. I found out about it in late 2012, and it was well treated for a while but I had some issues with sleep hygiene and mask fit and the like. Sleep hygiene was basically having a good bedtime ritual and getting to sleep early enough. I've since fixed those, and my prescription has gone down. I may not even need it after I lose more weight. As a result my mood is better and I can think clearly. I also rarely take naps.
I took a very broad STD panel and tested fully negative.
I have a roughly 5 month emergency fund (going for 6) and I put 15% of my income into a 401k. I was promoted this year based on last year's performance review. Despite having the above sleep issues about half the year.
My relationship with my seven years old daughter is excellent. She loves me and says nice things to me all the time. I'm very introverted and she's the most extraverted person I've ever met, so it's interesting. :) I feel as though I learn from her. She's very touchy feely which is also interesting because maybe partly due to my past I have a bit of an aversion to touch. But she's not threatening at all and I want her to feel like her dad loves her (since I do), so I hold her hand, sit next to her, hold her, etc, even if I prefer more personal space. I think it helps me to do this. I could write a lot more about her but I'll stop there for now.
I am NC with XWW except for essential kid stuff.
So, what is left that bothers me? Not too much. I'll be happy when I'm off the legacy meds but I'm making steady progress so that's not too bad. My weight, to be perfectly candid, makes me feel gross, and I want to lose 40 more pounds. However, what I REALLY want to do is figure out why I feel gross. I've been 40 pounds lighter. I wasn't gross. (I have photos from then.) However, I felt just as gross back then. Sigh. Maybe that's part of my aversion to touch and my aversion to being the center of attention.
I don't like or dislike myself much. I like what I can do and have done for other people. I feel that I make an excellent friend. I don't feel desirable or special in a romantic sense. I'm a huge sucker for validation. It's probably why I'm writing this list and posting it, to be honest. :)
But hey, I think I've come pretty far and maybe I can keep going.
EDIT: By the way, I am not a cold hearted person. I just have trouble expressing emotions, sometimes, because I don't feel entirely safe. I am a very warm person inside my head and I try very hard to let it out.