but I'm worried about my picker I guess
This guy has some flags flying.
*Stopping by* somewhere doesn't require that the stopping-by place have hot water. He invited you to hang out with his friends.....and then he didn't, kwim?
You and your friends were in the same area as him and his friends.....and it seems that he made the effort to keep the two groups separate. That is a flag. The fact that your friend made a negative observation about him is a flag.
I think you should have a "look dude, wtf?" conversation with this guy.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
He made plans with you and didn't even bother to officially cancel. You had to call him to find out that you were being flaked out on. That is so inconsiderate of your time.
Then when you made plans to be in the same place he couldn't even introduce you to his friends?
The way I see it if this guy does keep dating you, you will be so miserable in a year you will look back and wish you had bailed at this waving red banner.
I have a date with a second guy tonight. I'm going to tell him that I don't want to see him again. He's too attentive, which I see as a red flag. He told me after our second date that he was only seeing me because I'm all he wants in a girl. I had to explain that it was too soon for me for that. His eagerness has reminded me of my ex, which is a turn off for me.
He's too attentive, which I see as a red flag. He told me after our second date that he was only seeing me because I'm all he wants in a girl. I had to explain that it was too soon for me for that. His eagerness has reminded me of my ex, which is a turn off for me
Too attentive? Please explain. What do you want?
Too intense too quickly red flag for me too.
But so does being stood up. The Arse stood me up in a similar way, not quite the same, but i thought we had plans (because he made plans to meet with a group of friends & go out). He was too busy being KISA to a (female,of course) friend to turn up...but managed to talk me round.
Being stood up red flag
Now I know your guy didn't actually stand you up...but he didn't seem keen either, did he? More of, oh well if you're here anyway...And he did't communicate with you. That's a massive red flag too - do you want a LTR with someone who won't communicate?
I'm not sure whether the beach guy would have stood me up or not. I ended up texting him my plans around 10:30. We have kept things light so far, with no serious conversations. Should I say something it, or just keep my eyes open going forward?
You're just dating. If you enjoy yourself while you're with this guy, keep dating him.
If you're not having a good time, or you are too anxious about the relationship, stop dating him.
Whether you keep dating him or not: Hang with your friends. Go out with other guys. Spend time by yourself.
Dave Barry usually annoys me, but this column cracked me up, and it's apropos to your sitch:
I know you already contacted him and now he's wishy washy. I say don't put your eggs in this basket.
It is not game playing. It's having respect, boundaries and your own life. If you want to know if a man is interested let him contact you and set up plans that have times, meeting places etc. Not let's just hang out sometime.
The women I see who constantly concede and give in and contact first, don't seem to stay in stable, healthy relationships.
Just because we have similar timelines and I don't feel ready to date yet (though I do think about wanting to be able to)...are you sure you're in a place where you are doing this for the right reasons? Have you really fully processed what happened or are you just trying to ignore it by 'moving on'? There is nothing wrong with taking some time to be truly single and going on a dating hiatus for a time, focusing on just you and your friendships.
I was on a dating hiatus actually, without intentionally meaning to be. I just had zero interest in dating. I turned down several guys. I don't mean this to be conceited, but I've probably been asked out by around 8-9 guys in the past 4 months. Zero interest. I wasn't actively looking, but I met beach guy and liked him. If I'm completely honest, probably not 100% ready to date. But I'm ready enough that I won't be upset if it doesn't work out for whatever reason. I've been officially single for about 4 months now, which doesn't seem very long I guess. But I feel like I've been single since October, when we did a 30 days NC thing. I think I started pulling away at that point, and I think everything in November and December was more about my own issues in being the "bad" guy versus my actual feelings for him. But I'm still dealing with some triggers, like being stood up. So probably not 100% ready, but I kinda want to see where it goes with this guy too. Not because I feel like I have to have a guy, but because he's the only guy that has made me feel any interest in a long time. The thing I like about him is that I'm just myself around him. I don't feel like I have to pretend to be something else, and it's fun.
No man who is ready for a healthy relationship wants a woman who is sitting around waiting to hear from him to decide her plans. She makes plans and if he asks to see her and makes definite plans in a reasonable amount of time she sees him. Otherwise you should be busy living your life.
Yeah, I came to this conclusion myself last night. It's early, and we're not serious. I actually enjoy being single, and being able to make plans without considering anyone else. So I'm just going to enjoy life, and it'll either progress or it won't. Either way I'll be fine.
I did talk to beach guy last night, and I think he was just nervous. He made a comment about all my friends being attorneys, and asked me if they approved of him. He also said that his friends thought I was cute, and wanted to get to know me better another time.
My read is that this guy is too wrapped up in his own head to be caring and considerate enough to be a good mate. His insecurities about being around lawyers is lame. Man up, for god's sake and get over your insecurities enough to be a kind and thoughtful companion!
I'm glad you have a healthy life of your own and can make your own fun plans.
2nd guy - too fast, too soon = red flag.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
1st guy - there was someone amongst his group of friends that he did not want to know about you. Red flag.
Maybe... He invited me to go about 2 weeks beforehand, and brought it up several times during those 2 weeks. The whole thing confuses me, but he's back to being normal/attentive again