I think I've "heard" him for the first time in a very long time. The conversation started off with our sex life, and him commenting that he really misses what we had together. I just agreed that it was good because it was. It then moved to the "where we went wrong" part. He has an issue with me smoking and I've tried like hell for 5 years to quit, but never could quite conquer it. (After Dday gave myself permission to smoke as much as I needed to get through this). Then it moved to him telling me that he gave me "strong hints" that I needed to get happy. He did say he was sure he did some things that I had issues with, but I chose not to expound on them. He then made the comment that it "would be interesting to see where [he] was in a few years."
What I saw in all of this....it was all about me being there for him. It was all about me being happy--not the fundamental happy but the Disney happy. All I saw was a lot of rug sweeping, from both of us, but the bottom line was he isn't going to change. And I'm better off without him in the long run because honestly, putting up with his drama sucks.
I did get my 3rd hug in 2 days. While our sex life was great, I'd rather go without than put up with his drama for a good lay.
This is either a Hoover attempt or assuaging his guilt. He's not such a bad guy, see - she lets me hug her.
I let him hold me as I wept too. He didn't deserve that honour.
He isn't going to change. Nothing you did or didn't do made hi. cheat. Fidelity is not a feeling - it is a choice.
It gets easier when you're not in-house. I'd keep my distance if you're feeling vulnerable as it is very easy to fall into False R, hysterical bonding and all sorts of mess when you're feeling this way.
What I'm seeing here, is that it is all about him. I don't remember exactly what was said, but it was all about him. He talked about his triggers. I just agreed, because well, giving ego kibbles right now is good for me. While it was nice to chat with him, I'm not tempted to do anything with him. I know we read so many times on here where people fall back into old habits because it feels safe, but tonight was empowering. He doesn't feel "safe" to me. I didn't cry, and it wasn't emotional, but it was all about him. I can sleep now knowing that I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that it doesn't include him.
I've been doing in house S for about 6 months. It sucks. Let me just say this:
Don't engage. Just don't. It will be so much easier on you in the end.
his robe gaps and there it is! He doesn't cover it up!!! Like seeing the appendage that led him astray is going to tempt me to go upstairs with him and burn up the bed one last time!
You mean women don't go for the old "Oops! Look what just fell out!" ploy? Make no mistake, that's exactly what he was doing.
Here is what you say next time: "We are not continuing this conversation until you put THAT ridiculous thing away."
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous