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Newest Member: hurtmomma917 (44738)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: don't know how I feel...
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, in the last throes of in-house S, STBXWH gets to talking to me...

I think I've "heard" him for the first time in a very long time. The conversation started off with our sex life, and him commenting that he really misses what we had together. I just agreed that it was good because it was. It then moved to the "where we went wrong" part. He has an issue with me smoking and I've tried like hell for 5 years to quit, but never could quite conquer it. (After Dday gave myself permission to smoke as much as I needed to get through this). Then it moved to him telling me that he gave me "strong hints" that I needed to get happy. He did say he was sure he did some things that I had issues with, but I chose not to expound on them. He then made the comment that it "would be interesting to see where [he] was in a few years."

What I saw in all of this....it was all about me being there for him. It was all about me being happy--not the fundamental happy but the Disney happy. All I saw was a lot of rug sweeping, from both of us, but the bottom line was he isn't going to change. And I'm better off without him in the long run because honestly, putting up with his drama sucks.

I did get my 3rd hug in 2 days. While our sex life was great, I'd rather go without than put up with his drama for a good lay.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, the lovely walk down memory lane. The sad clown did it to me too. So convincing I almost forgot that he cheated on me multiple times with multiple whores over the years.

This is either a Hoover attempt or assuaging his guilt. He's not such a bad guy, see - she lets me hug her.

I let him hold me as I wept too. He didn't deserve that honour.

He isn't going to change. Nothing you did or didn't do made hi. cheat. Fidelity is not a feeling - it is a choice.

It gets easier when you're not in-house. I'd keep my distance if you're feeling vulnerable as it is very easy to fall into False R, hysterical bonding and all sorts of mess when you're feeling this way.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So we met in the kitchen later after saying good night....I was in my extremely sexywinter muumuu that zips from my calves to the bottom of my chin in the loveliest shade of lilac. He had on a hotel bath robe that belts. As we were chatting about what whisks we own, whether or not they have met their kitchen demise or not, and where a certain bowl got off to that we both remember seeing recently, his robe gaps and there it is! He doesn't cover it up!!! Like seeing the appendage that led him astray is going to tempt me to go upstairs with him and burn up the bed one last time! I ignore it, but do continue chatting. We chat about movies. I finally call it and say I'm going to try to go to sleep again, and then there is yet another hug

What I'm seeing here, is that it is all about him. I don't remember exactly what was said, but it was all about him. He talked about his triggers. I just agreed, because well, giving ego kibbles right now is good for me. While it was nice to chat with him, I'm not tempted to do anything with him. I know we read so many times on here where people fall back into old habits because it feels safe, but tonight was empowering. He doesn't feel "safe" to me. I didn't cry, and it wasn't emotional, but it was all about him. I can sleep now knowing that I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that it doesn't include him.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leia,

I've been doing in house S for about 6 months. It sucks. Let me just say this:

Don't engage. Just don't. It will be so much easier on you in the end.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

his robe gaps and there it is! He doesn't cover it up!!! Like seeing the appendage that led him astray is going to tempt me to go upstairs with him and burn up the bed one last time!

You mean women don't go for the old "Oops! Look what just fell out!" ploy? Make no mistake, that's exactly what he was doing.

Here is what you say next time: "We are not continuing this conversation until you put THAT ridiculous thing away."


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1840 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to stop the hugs. I know they feel good, but they need to stop. He needs to know you have boundaries because he's upping the ante with the 'accidental' exposure. He's showing you no respect at all, but doing it in that 'I'm a lovely guy really' way, so you don't realise how disrespectful he's being. If he was mean and had exposed himself, you'd have stood up for yourself. As it is,with soft words, he's manipulating you again.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 900 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 6

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