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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: stbxWH has destroyed the house and sucks at parenting!
AlwaysTooNice
♀ Member
Member # 41701
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh! I moved out 3 months ago. Every time I have to go to the house, I want to vomit. The house and yard look like the house has been condemned. Last week I went inside to get something and did a little snooping. I was pissed at the mold in the tub and all over the bath toys, disgustingly dirty sheets in our 2 year old's bed, just trash everywhere! There was literally a path through the living room. The rest of the floor covered in toys, clothes, dishes. I let him have it on the phone that night. He has since picked up a bit but still hasn't cleaned... the floors haven't even been swept in a month. I can't stand when my son is there with him. It's so unsafe! And just so gross!

Today I went there while he was at work. (He forgot our son's stuffed animals when he dropped him off this morning.) I found my son's bed had no sheets. The bed was obviously slept in. My baby slept on a plastic mattress with no sheets! I could just kill him!

I wish I could tell him no more overnights.


Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SE USA
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you call dcfs and report it for a welfare check when he has your son? Or ask the police to check so you have 3rd party documenting?


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to be mean and say you can't control him!

If I told my XH to do something, just to piss me off-he would do just the opposite. Even if my kids suffered, he was more interested in showing me a thing or two.

As a result, I got very good at not caring what he did or didn't do ( who wants their kids hurting because dad's mad at mom-not I) I CARED what my kids were doing and sometimes that required being creative in making things ok for my kids.

If I were in your shoes, next time my kids went to dads they would be bringing sleeping bags and pillows to use on his beds. I'd wash them in between visits until the kids notice the sheets have been cleaned. It would mean more work, but I'd feel better that the kids weren't sleeping in dirt from 2 months ago!

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^THIS. He has to provide a suitable environment. No sheets? Fuck me.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state the courts don't care unless the kid is just about dead. Npd-x had a lovely bed for his dog. My kids were sleeping on the wood floor in sleeping bags. Court did not care.

I still pitched a fit. He did eventually get them beds.

But, that experience taught me to not try to control him. I did keep the separation agreement in my car, and I paid attention to really dangerous things like drinking and driving. I had to let go or I would have gone insane.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:46 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2654 | Registered: Jan 2010
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think carefully and consult with an attorney before you act on what you shared here. I strongly advise you NOT to breathe a word of this to anyone other than your attorney.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
AlwaysTooNice
♀ Member
Member # 41701
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I assume there's really no course of action to take. It absolutely sucks that my son has to be in that environment, but I don't think there's really anything I can do. We don't have a custody agreement or anything. We just worked out a schedule that's good for us.

I know I can't make him do anything. He's never had to do any of this before. I always took care of it. I just wish his priorities were different, less selfish. I offered to send him sheets for DS's bed. He said he has enough. I already wash pretty much all of our son's clothing and send them with him.

I've already vented to my family and a friend. Is that bad?


Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SE USA
IrishGirlVA
♀ Member
Member # 39694
Funny  Posted: 7:43 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to cover your ass, or just in case you may need documentation in the future, start taking pictures the next time you are there. Of the tub, the dirty floors, the hazardous conditions in each room because stuff is piling up, etc.

There may be a time when he bans you from being there at all, especially if you keep mentioning how dirty and unsafe everything is. This might be your only opportunity to get proof.

If the house is this bad in 3 months, imagine what another 3 months will bring?

I feel very angry for you and your son.


Me: 40 yrs old BGF
Him: 37 yrs old WBF
Us: Together for 4 years and living together for 1
DDay: June 2013
PA with the mother of his child. Both of whom live in another country.
Status Jan 2014: Done. She's preggo again.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Virginia
SpecialK
♀ Member
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there is no legal custody agreement in place, and you have left the home why are you letting your child stay there in that condition? I am not trying to be hurtful, but if I was in this situation the house would be neat and sanitary or my child wouldn't be there. He sounds like he doesn't know how to clean or just doesn't care. In that case I would suggest he get a cleaning service to come in weekly if he wants his child to visit/live there.

Posts: 235 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
AlwaysTooNice
♀ Member
Member # 41701
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SpecialK, you got it right when you said he just doesn't care. He never has, really. I talked to the lawyer's office today. She suggested I keep journaling what goes on and to call her if anything significant happens. She said that sincewe just have a verbal agreement that we've been basing custody off of, I don't *have* to allow overnights but that if I tell H I don't want him keeping my son there, he could make it look like I'm keeping our son from him.

The good part in all of this is that he usually only sleeps there. My H takes him to his mom or dad's house all the time so he doesn't have him in the house for prolonged periods of time except for EOW.


Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SE USA
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you took pictures with your phone. And then sent it all to your attorney.

next time you go there, definitely take pictures - of EVERYTHING.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 11

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