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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice re: support $ please
MichelleRenee
♀ Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My brilliant stbx finally realized our divorce papers have not been signed by him therefore he can negotiate a lower c/s & spousal support amount before he signs. So! He is currently ordered to pay $577 c/s & $300 spousal. That was based off his earnings from the job he was fired from. His lawyer had the audacity, under his request, to offer me a flat $200/month. Yes, he's unemployed but he gets unemployment in the amount of $1800/month. He also owes me lord knows how much back pay - few thousand at least. So, we countered with $577 flat. We'd pardon the spousal. They countered with $378 (i think) which is what the dissomaster spit out with his new earnings. I have yet to respond. I haven't spoken to my lawyer about the new amount yet...What I'm leaning towards is offering to take $400 even PLUS ask for his permission for 1 more year of homeschooling our son. It's desperately important to both me & our 9 yr old to have 1 more year. (my stbx has refused to allow me 1 more year but perhaps now I can get it since i know he wants to avoid court & just get divorced so he can remarry - i dunno) Anyways, thoughts??? And what about all the money he still owes me?? I haven't seen a penny in 2 months. Do I just sign up for c/s services to collect that $$$? Really like some real life advice on this. Thank you!


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no. Your lawyer is a wuss.

Ask for half of his unemployment. If that doesn't work, go for 25% of his unemployment. When he gets a job, then you go back to your standard calculations. AND GET IT GARNISHED THROUGH THE STATE.

You need to fight for that money.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Child support is a non negotiable. It's money owed to your child. Go balls to the wall to get it. Negotiate on spousal and homeschooling if you can do without the spousal. Tell your lawyer to go shark on him.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
MichelleRenee
♀ Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So you think we should go to court? My lawyer didn't recommend I take the $378 - I haven't discussed that with him yet. I'm just thinking on my own at this point. Every situation with my stbx is extremely anxiety provoking & I always feel like I just want it over with! But I also don't want to get screwed.


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh no no no no.

He got fired? too fucking bad.

I think you will do much better in court than if you negotiate with him.

You keep lowering and lowering. Where is his compromise?

I know he is stressful and you just want to get it over with, but you've got years and years ahead of you depending on how old your kids are. Look at the big picture, look down the road, into the future. Plus, it's harder to try to negotiate back UP once you AGREE to a LOWER AMOUNT. Don't do it.

And if your laywer is a wuss, get another one. Sometimes their heart isn't in it either and they just want to get it over with too. Except they get to go home and collect a big paycheck and forget about you. This is your life.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you've countered with $577... STICK WITH IT.

If you're in Ca, that is more than generous of you to lower it. Don't go any lower. The court will hold him to that.

I would use the owed back support as the leverage to allow the home schooling.

Hang tough, honey.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
MichelleRenee
♀ Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok, God give me strength, this is going to get ugly. i'll speak with my lawyer later, get his input, and proceed probably to court. And yes, we countered with $577 and to forgive spousal ONLY while he's not employed. If you guys believe in prayer please add me to yours. My anxiety has reached a level in which well...you can imagine.


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does Ca not have a state formula to go by? IE where did the original $577 come from?

I would be leary to lower it at all since he is unemployed...meaning you are agreeing in a contract to a lower amount and he can turn around and get a great job and you are still at the same low amount. Whereas, if it is done by a calculation based on salary, it will go up when he is re-employed.

If the money owed is from CS in proven arrears, then yes go through your domestic relations dept.

Guess I am not clear about the past due...meaning, is there another amount he was to pay until you guys came to an agreement n the divorce papers on the new C/S amount?

Every situation with my stbx is extremely anxiety provoking & I always feel like I just want it over with!

HE IS COUNTING ON THIS!!!!!!!!!! Don't cave to get it over with....this is for your children.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 11:06 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2137 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MR,

I totally understand this situation. Been there done that almost exactly. You must stand your ground. Get everything the state says you deserve. It really is minimal. Do you know why your x lost his job. Judges don't like it if they get fired or quit. Might check with the company he was with (be sneaky) and try to find out why he no longer works there. X is supposed to notify you within so many days if he has changed companies. Make sure you get that this is temporary until he has a job. And that you want him to prove weekly to the court or to your lawyer what he is doing to get another job.

I don't know if you are strong enough, but I totally freaked out about the $ I was paying the lawyer. And I don't think it was worth it. I got tired of seeing their monthly statement charging me for calls, opening mail, reviewing etc. I represented myself during 2 court appearances regarding the change in ss/cs. I can tell you it was less stressful because I was not paying $400/hour to sit in court the whole day. In CA it really is based on formulas.

Also just because the divorce papers havent' been signed doesn't mean things change. Do you have temporary orders in place? Have you gone before the court and are just waiting for the final typed documents? I can tell you even if those are signed, changes in income will allow changes. But they have to follow protocol.

And I would advise getting the state to start collecting the $. Its easier and they just take it out of wages, or unemployment, even their taxes. Well worth it.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 763 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't cave. He is in contempt. HE is the one who should be quaking in his boots


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1196 | Registered: Jun 2007
MichelleRenee
♀ Member
Member # 38880
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, we have temp orders from seeing the judge which is where the $577 & $300 come from. He was fired due to poor work performance & taking off too many days.

my anxiety is screaming at me to cave in but I am gathering strength from you guys. yes, we are in CA so there is a formula but my stbx does owe past support & was fired.

as far as how much my lawyer will charge to go back to court...not sure. he talks to me all the time & goes back n forth with stbx's attorney on his original retainer. so i'm not yet being billed more unless we go to court.

i'm shaking as i write this.... and i just tried to call my lawyer but he's not in yet.

[This message edited by MichelleRenee at 11:45 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)]


Me - 37
lying cheating a-hole - 36
kids - 17,12,10
D-day 3/25/2013
Filed for divorce 3/26/2013

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Chatsworth, Ca
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was totally you 4 years ago. This is going to be, by far, the most traumatic event of your life. I was there, on the floor crying, popping a xanax because my anxiety was giving me chest pain, not sleeping for weeks on end.

My ex was bullying me about money, about child support, about diapers, you name it, he held it over my head.

People like him don't want to go to court, because their bullying tactics do not work for them in court. They only work with YOU,and what they can get you to agree to outside of court. HE is the one who should be sweating it, with the amount of arrears he owes you!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was fired due to poor work performance & taking off too many days.

So he helped himself get to a lower income bracket by orchestrating his own termination! Why should you or your child bear the responsibility for him sabotaging his position?

When he was working and could pay the full amount ordered, did he? And did he do it without be asked or reminded?

I wouldn't cut him a break, he doesn't deserve it. Most employers will talk to an employee who is not performing and try to help them get back on track performing. I ASSUME that is done in most situations (so no lawsuits against the employer). He knew he was risking his job and didn't change his behavior to avoid being fired!

No he doesn't get a free pass on this one, he caused it.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5162 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't quit his job, he got laid off. I would be surprised if the judge does not grant him a change to the original.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stand up to him or you will regret it, I promise. He's NOT going to take you to court. I PROMISE. He's in contempt. He's a dumbass if he does because he will be schooled by the judge! Not signing has nothing to do with him being in contempt for nonpayment. Let HIM sweat. Go SILENT. Let your attorney handle this. You got this!


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1196 | Registered: Jun 2007
Topic Posts: 15

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