Ask for half of his unemployment. If that doesn't work, go for 25% of his unemployment. When he gets a job, then you go back to your standard calculations. AND GET IT GARNISHED THROUGH THE STATE.
You need to fight for that money.
He got fired? too fucking bad.
I think you will do much better in court than if you negotiate with him.
You keep lowering and lowering. Where is his compromise?
I know he is stressful and you just want to get it over with, but you've got years and years ahead of you depending on how old your kids are. Look at the big picture, look down the road, into the future. Plus, it's harder to try to negotiate back UP once you AGREE to a LOWER AMOUNT. Don't do it.
And if your laywer is a wuss, get another one. Sometimes their heart isn't in it either and they just want to get it over with too. Except they get to go home and collect a big paycheck and forget about you. This is your life.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
If you're in Ca, that is more than generous of you to lower it. Don't go any lower. The court will hold him to that.
I would use the owed back support as the leverage to allow the home schooling.
Hang tough, honey.
I would be leary to lower it at all since he is unemployed...meaning you are agreeing in a contract to a lower amount and he can turn around and get a great job and you are still at the same low amount. Whereas, if it is done by a calculation based on salary, it will go up when he is re-employed.
If the money owed is from CS in proven arrears, then yes go through your domestic relations dept.
Guess I am not clear about the past due...meaning, is there another amount he was to pay until you guys came to an agreement n the divorce papers on the new C/S amount?
Every situation with my stbx is extremely anxiety provoking & I always feel like I just want it over with!
HE IS COUNTING ON THIS!!!!!!!!!! Don't cave to get it over with....this is for your children.
[This message edited by EvenKeel at 11:06 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)]
I totally understand this situation. Been there done that almost exactly. You must stand your ground. Get everything the state says you deserve. It really is minimal. Do you know why your x lost his job. Judges don't like it if they get fired or quit. Might check with the company he was with (be sneaky) and try to find out why he no longer works there. X is supposed to notify you within so many days if he has changed companies. Make sure you get that this is temporary until he has a job. And that you want him to prove weekly to the court or to your lawyer what he is doing to get another job.
I don't know if you are strong enough, but I totally freaked out about the $ I was paying the lawyer. And I don't think it was worth it. I got tired of seeing their monthly statement charging me for calls, opening mail, reviewing etc. I represented myself during 2 court appearances regarding the change in ss/cs. I can tell you it was less stressful because I was not paying $400/hour to sit in court the whole day. In CA it really is based on formulas.
Also just because the divorce papers havent' been signed doesn't mean things change. Do you have temporary orders in place? Have you gone before the court and are just waiting for the final typed documents? I can tell you even if those are signed, changes in income will allow changes. But they have to follow protocol.
And I would advise getting the state to start collecting the $. Its easier and they just take it out of wages, or unemployment, even their taxes. Well worth it.
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
my anxiety is screaming at me to cave in but I am gathering strength from you guys. yes, we are in CA so there is a formula but my stbx does owe past support & was fired.
as far as how much my lawyer will charge to go back to court...not sure. he talks to me all the time & goes back n forth with stbx's attorney on his original retainer. so i'm not yet being billed more unless we go to court.
i'm shaking as i write this.... and i just tried to call my lawyer but he's not in yet.
[This message edited by MichelleRenee at 11:45 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)]
My ex was bullying me about money, about child support, about diapers, you name it, he held it over my head.
People like him don't want to go to court, because their bullying tactics do not work for them in court. They only work with YOU,and what they can get you to agree to outside of court. HE is the one who should be sweating it, with the amount of arrears he owes you!
He was fired due to poor work performance & taking off too many days.
So he helped himself get to a lower income bracket by orchestrating his own termination! Why should you or your child bear the responsibility for him sabotaging his position?
When he was working and could pay the full amount ordered, did he? And did he do it without be asked or reminded?
I wouldn't cut him a break, he doesn't deserve it. Most employers will talk to an employee who is not performing and try to help them get back on track performing. I ASSUME that is done in most situations (so no lawsuits against the employer). He knew he was risking his job and didn't change his behavior to avoid being fired!
No he doesn't get a free pass on this one, he caused it.