As I was encouraging DS5 to eat his oatmeal- he literally cut in and said "Son- you don't have to eat it if you don't want to... Whhhhuuuuuut? Oh - I see since this is technically YOUR time, you feel it's ok to undercut my parenting. Cool. Got it.
Then I noticed his car was behind mine in the driveway- "Um, I need you to move your car so I can go to work please?"
Him: "There is plenty of room to get around me...oh wait I forgot...you don't know how to drive."
bear is poked.
Way to represent in front of your kids, ex.
Your kids don't need to hear this shit. It will escalate.
The fucking nerve - what a little man that he can't keep his kids out of the line of fire.
The sad clown has had these mantrums in front of my girls. Most handovers are done via school drop off/pickup - by design so I don't have to see him.
We had a rare 'in person' handover because my little girl was sick. Now - we've never separated the girls - when this happened before both girls were picked up and the well one was taken to daycare/school by the parent staying home with the sick one. He gets here and tells me off in front of the girls "didn't you take DD6 to school? You could have told me - this is REALLY inconvenient". My big girls face fell - I gave her a hug and calmly said to him "No - this is the arrangement we've always had. If you wanted to change the standing arrangement you need to let me know."
But too late. Damage done. My girls had heard it and my big girl blamed herself. I talked to her about when she came back to m 2 days later but I know she still blamed herself.
I hated him with the fire of a thousand suns that day. Not that it did my girls any good.
Focus on them. Do what you can to keep them out of is. He STBX can't control himself them there are things you can do.
Have you started the exclusive use process? Can you arrange to have a family member, friend or neighbour present when he is coming over? Do you have your VAR on you and recording everything he says?
Yes he is a douchebag for doing this but try not to focus on that - soon enough you'll be used to it and it will barely register. Your kids on the other hand - they do need your focus because they sure as shit aren't going to be hat guys focus.
As far as the oatmeal, can you accept that no matter how much you talk to the douche about that, it's not gonna matter? So what else can you do? You can educate your son and use this as a teaching moment. How great would it have been if your son said, "But dad, mom says oatmeal is good for me, and I want to be healthy." And mine would say, "And it has sugar on it!" Lol.
This is called parallel parenting. You guys can't be a team, especially since he is causing tension and being a dick, without any care of what's best for your son.. You can't change him, but you can control you. You're gonna have to be an extra good mom to counteract that guy..
It's all about supposed control at the moment. Truth is 2 years from now once your divorce is finalized, who cares? The damage is done, emotionally, financially and you work toward crawling out of the rubble. Our exes can look like or even be more adept of moving on and navigating their lives better than ours. Nothing we can do, but get through each day and insulate the hurt.
[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 8:24 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)]
Just remember though - every time you send him ranty text messages, it can be used as evidence if he decides to get pricky in the divorce. Don't give him that. Everything, from here on in, is business like and civil. Come here to rant and rave and go to friends/family IRL for that. I know it sucks and I can't tell you the number of times I wanted to bash my ex's head on the driveway, but you can't do it.
Do the best you can to keep him out of the house and to keep your personal contact with him to a minimum. If he tries to engage, take a deep breath and turn around. Keep a journal of all the times he makes a nasty comment about you or undermines your parenting in front of the kids just in case.
He's a baby and he wants the drama, so it's going to be up to you to end this. I'm sorry he can't even try to act like a man for the sake of his children.
D-Day, June 10, 2012