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Newest Member: LoveBetrayed (45355)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to stay strong....
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know he thought I would just quietly divorce him. And there are some days I'd love to pack a bag and say fuck it all and just leave and be done with his cheating ass. But...... I have one that is still a minor - DD15. So how do we stay strong dealing with such BS? Parenting plan being one example---- he wants about 35% of the time with DD- yet over the last 5 yrs while he was trolling for sluts he probably spent less than 5% time with her. Now he decides to be a parent? No... Now he decides how can I reduce CS! I'm trying to encourage (though his L says I'm trying to use DD15 to control him) let's go ahead and start this parenting plan schedule. So last weekend would of been his weekend- he took DD15 out to dinner Saturday night. Friday night he spent with the honey bunny slut and all day Sunday as well. Then tonight- he chooses the honey bunny slut again. How do folks stay strong dealing with this? How do I make him step up to what he is asking for in parenting -because realistically a judge could give him even more - without putting DD15 in the middle ? We are still in same house but because he doesn't come home until 10 or later (and sometimes not at all) then gone all weekend not much parenting from him.....Mediation is next month.


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Document document document. Facts only ~ leave emotions out. Was he supposed to have DD tonight? If so, 4/1/14 no show. Or since it is in house separation, document the time DD is at home and who the primary parent is. Also, you may have to look into a parent evaluation. Fuck his lawyer ~ he/she is supposed to say bullshit like you are using DD15 to control him. If that's all they got, thats pretty pathetic.

Lean on us for support. Sending you hugs and energy for perseverance.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ brilliant advice.

Buy a diary... Note everything in it... From called to talk to...

If you raised anything with him..note it down, likewise note any follow up from him. Note visit times/dates... Even if he visits bit wat he's sport on TV not interacting w kids... Note it down


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dmari is correct. Document everything. Every phone call, email, text, no show, every reason given for the no show, amount of time spent together when he does get her, times you contacted him and offered time with DD and he turned you down, etc....every single thing.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13809 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Myowndystopia and DD)))
So sorry. Going through the same with the Snake and DS20mos during in house. He keeps choosing different sluts and his exercise, etc over his son, who is too young to know what's going on. Trying to get a default but still documenting (slacked off a little but back to it). Anyone know if there's a good app for this?

How is DD15 handling it? Hopefully she is not too hurt. She's old enough to also contribute to custody decision making...


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More dmari dittos!

Adding - use the utmost security (especially since you're 'in-house'). Come up with a way he could never get his hands on the 'documentation diary'.


Posts: 6646 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just now getting back to SI! I was so damn pathetic 2 months ago that it has caused me to be so far behind at work not sure I will ever catch up!

Thanks for replies and advice. I do document. I keep a simple calendar with noted time he gets home and then in my phone I have a journal of notes dating back to 2010 when I started noticing odd behavior from him and now notes about parenting. I email to myself regularly and then print. I'm so tired of documenting and looking at the clock when he gets home. It's 10:30, I'd love to go to bed but gotta document when he gets home - if he does! I look forward to the day I won't have to do this. I look forward to the day I don't have to sleep with my purse so he doesn't go through it! I look forward to the day I don't run down to the computer to make sure I've logged off everything properly and cleared history if needed. These are just the little things I am looking forward to.....


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Careerlady- totally snake's loss not spending time with DS. I have a 2 yr old granddaughter and usually only go a few days between seeing her and am always amazed how quickly they learn at that age. He is missing so much! That time can never be regained!

DD15 is cognitively delayed so thinks more like a 7 yr old. She does have some friends that go from one parents house to another so she gets it but can't really relate it back to herself. So when asked- she doesn't really know other than she doesn't want her world rocked (too late!).


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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