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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just not fair
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't let go of the concept that WH got away with it all; got to have all the phone sex and romantic week-ends away, got to keep his house, family and loving wife. He gets upset at me now, almost 2 years past DDay, when I bring up the A or get angry over something. He things we should be "past" it all, he's changed so much I guess he thinks that should be enough. It's just not enough, I want some justice!

Is this feeling going to go away over time? Did anyone come up with a way to extract some justice out of their WS?


Posts: 629 | Registered: Sep 2012
swank
♀ Member
Member # 42835
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still in the early stages but I don't think there's justice in the way you're thinking about it. If you've reconciled, you have to try to let go of what he did and look forward to a better life with him. I think about that a lot - he got to have all this fun and I'm suffering. But ultimately I don't think that makes much difference. In all likelihood, he suffered a lot of shame, guilt and remorse. If you're happy together, he should be grateful every day. But justice, like the eye for an eye kind? Unless you want to go out and have an affair, I don't know if you'll find that.

Posts: 92 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He doesn't look like he's suffering much. He just actively forgets about it all. Yeah, I'd like to see more suffering!

Posts: 629 | Registered: Sep 2012
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((RightTrack))) I hear you and your feelings are absolutely valid.

I want to suggest a thread for you. It actually is in the WS Forum and is geared at WSs. But as a BS, it helped me to read it and relay the info to my spouse (or have him read it directly, if that works for you).

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250

There are parts that specifically address what you are saying. One that particularly helped me was the "six statements" bit at the bottom. When my WS did that consistently, it helped me tremendously. Like PP said, there is not a lot gained from direct retribution. But having WS to man up and do this is a pretty close second.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1484 | Registered: Jun 2011
swank
♀ Member
Member # 42835
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hathnofury, thanks for that pointer. I just copied it out and will ask my bf to read it. I think it could be very helpful.

Posts: 92 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 5

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