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User Topic: Jealousy. Ugly thoughts
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate how jealous I am of pregnant women.

I have a friend who's newly pregnant. She's older than me and her daughter is older than mine. I'm very happy for her but I just feel a twinge of jealousy. She tries so hard to be considerate of me, but she keeps asking me how many days out I am from ovulation and if I've tested and she keeps saying how I'd BETTER be pregnant this month so we can have due dates close together - all that would be wonderful, but I can't be as optimistic as she is. I'm scared it's going to take a while and I'm even more scared that I'll have another loss. My birthday is coming up and I just want to ignore it. I don't want to be 34 and not be pregnant yet.

Another friend on my mom board just found out she's pregnant. I'm SO HAPPY for her. I made the comment a while back that I want her to be pregnant almost more than I want to be pregnant myself, and I mean it. She's had two losses, one of which was molar and caused her to have to delay TTC. So I'm really happy for her. HOWEVER, I did notice this morning that her daughter is almost two months younger than mine and I had this brief moment of "IT'S NOT FAIR!" And then I felt awful. Why can't I just be happy for a wonderful woman who has had such a hard time? I'm 99% happy for her and then there's that ugly 1% that I cannot control that wells up from someplace dark.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 10:26 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try and give yourself a break. This is my 2 cents:

If you are trying stress isn't good. Work on relaxing tools just say to yourself good for her and know she and others are pulling for you

2. Accept that it may or may not be possible- I think these days it is more possible than in the past but there is no guarentee.

3. Any comment which I found the above if she knew your struggle was a bit rude- nonetheless say I am hoping too.

4. Relax

There are stories of people trying and some adopt some don't. Some end up after adoption having a baby biologically on their own some don't.

Spend time figuring out what is underneath or just go for a nice walk.

Take care and don't try to be overly grateful you are human.


Posts: 875 | Registered: Jul 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Jana))))) Your thoughts are perfectly normal, honey - it isn't fair. Acknowledging that and letting yourself feel all the facets - good and bad - is healthy.

You are in my thoughts.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24447 | Registered: Aug 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fireproof, I don't seem to have much trouble getting pregnant (I hope); it's just that TTC was delayed by . . . oh . . . three years due to infidelity garbage, and then when we started trying it took four months, thanks mostly to my husband's herniated disc and sciatica (not surprisingly being in constant overwhelming pain is not conducive to romance!), then I had a miscarriage. So I've been pregnant three times, out of a total of 9 cycles of trying. That's pretty good, but only one pregnancy has made it out of the first trimester. My doctor said that's most likely just bad luck, and I know miscarriages are common. I'm just so on edge because it's too early to test and I know I'll be crushed if I am not pregnant this month. It's my last chance to have a 2014 baby.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Jana))))

You are being too hard on yourself. Stop pressuring your body. Really tell that friend that it's hard for you right now, and would appreciate her not urging your pregnancy.

I mean it's not like you have control over it. You do what you need to when it's time, after that it's really out of your hands.

Getting anxious over it, is going to cause you undo stress. It will happen when it's supposed to. There is a reason for everything, and even though you don't know what it is right now, you do know that it will happen when it's supposed to. (this is the philosophy I try to live by) It works for the most part.


((((and strength, and fertile competent uteri)))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7838 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jana-

One of my friends struggled with secondary infertility. She didn't get pregnant until her DS was nearly 6.

She did get pregnant...then got pregnant again less than a year later. Yup, they weren't careful because they assumed she wouldn't be able to conceive again. After all, her DS took nearly 2yrs of TTC.

Keep heart. When it happens, it will be time. And you'll cherish every moment. You'll be able to appreciate the gift of pregnancy all the more for your wait.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11004 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get very jealous when I see pregnant women. Different situation, different circumstances for me, but I do understand the "unfair" thoughts very much.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2180 | Registered: Feb 2010
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh whalers, I'm so sorry. (((HUGS)))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for hearing me out guys. I feel better after venting.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JanaGreen)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16460 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 10

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