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Newest Member: LadyS (45361)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Starting to recognise myself again
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to be a confident, capable, intelligent, active woman with lots of interests. The longer I spent married to The Arse, the more my confidence disappeared, once he got into As, it really plummeted and I became very unhappy, blaming myself for most of it.

These last couple of days, I've been doing a job application and it's reminded me of all my achievements and accomplishments. I'm remembering who I am.

I'm also realising just how much The Arse has taken from me, in a bid to make sure I believe his lies and let him have his own way...in his passive aggressive victim way. I was finding it hard to say what I felt/meant because he'd accuse me of being critical, so I became a people pleaser, but hated myself for it. I let him change me. I lost myself for a long time. It made me angry deep down, but I couldn't work out where the anger was from.

I was writing my vision for changes that would need to happen in the job. At first I was just writing what I thought the people would want to hear. Today, I rewrote it and wrote my vision for change that needs to happen. This might mean they won't like it and i might not get it. But today, I realised that's ok. I am me. I need to be me in my job. I'm not hiding myself anymore.

It's hard though, my default is still to not want to cause waves, cramming down my thoughts...until it comes bursting out.

Anyone else going through this or been through it?

[This message edited by Softcentre at 1:51 PM, March 31st, 2014 (Monday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1058 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
GingerAle
♀ Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad this is happening for you! I can relate for sure. I have noticed my energy level has really gone up lately and my adventurous side is showing up again


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 425 | Registered: Nov 2011
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is wonderful, and only the start for you.

Cheers to a confident, capable, intelligent, active Softcenre!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 3

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