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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: confused, confused, confused...
zulay44
♀ New Member
Member # 42772
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iím not sure if this is the right forum I should post. My original story was posted back on 3/13/14 and since I left my XWBF and I havenít go back with him, I guess here is where I should continue my story. So here it goes. I left my XWBF because I found out FB private messages of him with an old girlfriend#1 that clearly says that they were sleeping together, even in our own bed , all throughout our 3 years relationship. Also XWBF was going out with another girl#2 and I found text messgs of conversation on his cell. He swears to God, family and anything that he never ever slept with any of these girls or even kissed them. That the conversation in FB was only a dirty conversation with a good old girlfriend and that was it. Only two weeks and half after I left him (D-day), he starts dating a different girl#3 because I would not give him a second chance, and he is a man that cannot be by himself.
For the second time, he is contacting me stating that he is not happy with girl#3, that they argue all the time and are not getting along, that he loves me and realized that he was so happy with me, that I am a good woman etc, etc, and that he wants to reconcile and would do Anything to work on the relationship. I asked him, if he is not happy with this girl#3, why is he still with her even if I havenít agreed to reconcile? He answers that he canít be by himself and only will leave her right away if I decide to reconcile. Now, REALLLY? He keeps insisting that he never slept with girl#1 or girl#2. But words in the FB conversation and Text messgs says the contrary.
I am so confused. I only have his word and nothing else. Should I contact girl#1 and get her side of the story about the conversation on FB ? Should I contact girl#3 and get her side of the story as well? Please advise?


Me-50
WBF-39
Dday- 10/2013
Left him since Dday.
"Better happy alone, than unhappy with somebody else"

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2014
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes for your own peace if mind and to help keep you from going back to him. Be careful. You can't trust what he says.


Don't kick me when I am down. Because when I get back up, you're f*cked.

Posts: 385 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets, crickets, crickets.

I know it's hard. I know you want answers.

Let me tell you the answers, maybe it will make you feel less confused:

He slept with both of the other girls.

He wants to use you as a fallback.

He is banking on your having no self-respect if he hoovers you long enough.

Remorse is palpable. It is leaving the other girl, first, and working on himself to address why he always needs someone and can't be happy on his own.

It is not coming crawling back when it's convenient for him.

Do yourself a favor and block this guy. Then, do some heavy reading on baggagereclaim.co.uk and get into IC to ask why you are willing to accept so little from a partner, when you are worth much more.

And seriously FTG.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
IrishGirlVA
♀ Member
Member # 39694
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only have his word and nothing else.

Yes. And the "word" you have of his is lies.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine except he can't deny sleeping with his ex as she is now pregnant. Of course, he tells me she is not pregnant anymore but umm, duh, like that matters? And I don't believe him anyway.

And I found out subsequently that he was with another girl (in the area tho) because I recovered emails from when he used my PC. They talked about their intimiate night together. He denies it to this day even though he gives me "his word" that nothing happened.

My eyes don't lie and neither do yours. There is no point in contacting any of his ex's. You know the truth even if it isn't the truth you want.

Aside from that, do you really want a guy who can't be alone? I'm sorry but any guy who said that to me I wouldn't feel flattered. I'd feel like just another stepping stone until he finds another. But of course he won't leave me and go to that new person until they give him the green light.

Your XWBF is dysfunctional and unhealthy in more than just one way. You deserve to take some time alone, level set yourself and find someone healthier.

Take care of yourself!


Me, the "B": 41yo
Him, the "W": 38yo
DDay: June 2013
Status: Over

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Virginia
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everybody here ^^
Inside we know they are lying but we love them so much we want to think what they're saying is true.
My ex said EXACTLY THE SAME THING after I found explicit sexual messages in his phone, he said he never slept with her. Now we are not stupid Zulay and we KNOW EXACTLY what we read. They will never accept it, that's who they are, that's what cheaters do. Sorry Zulay...(((HUGS)))

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^what nora said.

Trust your gut. He is lying through his teeth and will continue to do so as long as you let him.

He's not the prize here, friend. You are.

If you have no kids together I'd block him on FB, your phone and email. Hang up if/when he calls for a different number, delete and block emails he sends from a different address. Call the cops if he shows up in person and won't leave.

He is trying to make you OW#4 to his OW#3? Motherfucker.

Please read the Hoovering thread - this is what he's doing. They all do it and it is all bullshit.

DO NOT listen to his pretty words, watch his actions.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=480828

He is showing you who he is - believe him.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
zulay44
♀ New Member
Member # 42772
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your answers and concern. You are all great people. I can see it much clear now...


Me-50
WBF-39
Dday- 10/2013
Left him since Dday.
"Better happy alone, than unhappy with somebody else"

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard, hard, hard to get to clarity. So, despite the 2x4s, we get it. We have been wired to say how high when they say jump. And stepping back and de-programming is very, very hard work. Especially when you are an honest person with integrity, merely learning to comprehend that other people's word is not as firm as ours, and that those we love can lie to us and manipulate us, is hard to understand.

But you can get there. You can learn how little he is worth, and how more much you deserve. It's a long journey, but the destination pays off!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 8

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