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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Did Some Digging - A Vent
DyingInside21
♀ Member
Member # 42860
Shocked  Posted: 2:43 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So after an unsuccessful talk last night, I have started the 180 and It is so hard. I am constantly questioning my every move. I hope it gets easier. I told him I was taking the kids out to dinner, but then thought, "Why does he need to know that?" He is living elsewhere and only comes home to see the kids at this point. Most of his things are here and we haven't told the children anything, but I am sure my oldest is aware that something is amiss.

Since he would not come clean with details, (cant recall specific dates) or what I think you veterans call TT, and wont write the NC letter, my curiosity got the better of me and I went searching online for the OW.

OMG!! This person is a "Psychic" in the area in which he works. She has a website and contact info and a FB page listed under her business name, which is why I had a harder time finding her personal info the first time.
She has one son, possibly a daughter (both over the age of 18) but no husband.

All I keep thinking is that he discussed our relationship with her and she offered her "psychic abilities" to work her way into his pants. I am fuming right now at what she could have possibly said to him to make him believe that our marriage was a lost cause. I am in no way removing blame from him here, but she knew he was married from day one and was completely fine with keeping their EA a secret for years and then eventually carried on a PA with him. Does she shut off her special talents when she is committing adultery???

Ugh, I wanna scream at the absurdity of it all!!!

It is taking everything in me NOT to contact her myself, but I know it would solve nothing and I don't have a BH to warn or contact, so what's the point?

I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 3:28 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dying, just to let you know you are being heard!! What you are going to find is that these people (wayward/ap) are so broken it is unfathomable to understand where their mind is. Don't waste your energy on your WH put it all towards taking care of you and your children.

Wishing you the best!!!

BSB

[This message edited by bigskyblues at 3:29 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 261 | Registered: Sep 2012
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I keep thinking is that he discussed our relationship with her and she offered her "psychic abilities" to work her way into his pants. I am fuming right now at what she could have possibly said to him to make him believe that our marriage was a lost cause. I am in no way removing blame from him here, but she knew he was married from day one and was completely fine with keeping their EA a secret for years and then eventually carried on a PA with him. Does she shut off her special talents when she is committing adultery???

He's not the innocent lamb led to slaughter by the big, bad, evil OW. All blame lies SQUARELY on his shoulders and no one else's. I think alot of us tend to blame the wrong person for our cheating spouse's behavior because it keeps us from strangling them in their sleep. But I've learned over the years that accountability for one's actions lies squarely on that person's shoulders, and no one else's.

Having said that, your husband is a complete weenie and I wish you much strength and success in employing the 180. He does NOT need to know your schedule, the kids' schedule, or anything ELSE unless it directly pertains to his visitation. Otherwise, keep him out of the loop.


.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:31 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
betrayedidiot
♀ Member
Member # 42868
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is healthier to focus the blame where it needs to be -- on your cheating H. But yes, feel free to vent away!

I feel lucky that I didn't push to even find out who the OW was because I don't want to torture myself like that. And I am getting a D, even though he ended it with her.


Me: BS
Married almost 20 years
2 year EA and 1 month PA
DD-16
D-Day: 01/14/14
Separated and divorcing

Posts: 92 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: TX
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did her "psychic abilities" foresee you posting what a whore she is on her facebook page?
Who goes to a "psychic" these days?


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 911 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW - Just WOW.....

This right there should tell you just how broken your H is, and that NONE of this has anything to do with you.

Stick to the 180. He has left, and doesn't get to know where you are and what you are doing. I would make sure that he has scheduled times to be with the kids and this is nonnegotiable. Then track all the times he misses, this will benefit you when it comes time to D.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
DyingInside21
♀ Member
Member # 42860
Angry  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twisted: You have no idea how tempting that is? And apparently a lot of people got to psychic's because she has a very popular page and it funds her worldly travels.

I know my WH is 100% to blame for his A. But the senario's about her talks with him are plaguing my head. During our last conversation he admitted to discussing our marriage with her, so I think that is what is feeding my anger with her even though I know he is fully to blame.
He didn't seek her out for her clairvoyant services. The circumstances behind their meeting was through his work and she didn't start her "business" until after they met, but I know he enjoyed talking to her which is why I insisted that he end their initial "friendship". It didn't sit well with me and he admitted it "felt" wrong and agreed. Liar!!!

Im not sure I can sustain the blows to the gut with all the new information. I'll have a good day and then BAM! I'll get another sucker punch. From all the reading I have done on SI, I know this to be all too common, but it sucks balls and I right now I am angry at her too.
*SIGH*


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being angry at her is natural, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Try to find an outlet for it. I often dream about taking boxing classes! Vent here, and let yourself feel whatever comes.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she know you? Maybe it is time for you and a good friend to have a joint reading.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1527 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
DyingInside21
♀ Member
Member # 42860
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL!! No, she doesn't know me. I'm sure she has seen my picture either from searching on FB or from him sharing photos of the kids and me, but we have never met.

I think she only does readings over the phone, so it wouldn't matter anyway.

It's sickening to have read the peaceful affirmations on her site about being loving and good and causing no harm to others and to do all things in love.

As much as I wouldn't wish this pain on another living soul, I am kind of sorry she doesn't have a BH I could inform. Just so she has to deal with her role in this all. But she gets to hopefully, disappear scot-free.

Im moving on from her. I've cried enough today as I processed what new info I learned about her.

WH had another session with his therapist today. My session isn't until Friday. Im still trying really hard to keep in place the 180. So hard...


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
DyingInside21
♀ Member
Member # 42860
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:
Still holding strong with the 180.
Got a confirmed appointment with an attorney for next week. The kids will be back in school so I wont have to worry about that.
I'll have a 45 min session to discuss my options.
Feeling good about the empowerment this gives me, but still sad that this may be the road I have to take.

Question: Do I tell WH that I have spoken to an attorney or keep that hush, hush? Do I tell the therapist?


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep it to yourself a little longer. Keeping options open.


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 911 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
lastdance
♀ Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do not say a word.....do not tell him ANYTHING about you or your plans,,,,,,,,,do not speak to him at all........tell no one

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
Topic Posts: 13

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