Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: FeebleHercules (44938)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dying inside.
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where to start....

Dday #1 February 14, 2003. He had a short lived EA/PA(no sex but that could be a lie). We went to MC but it didn't really help because he didn't try at all. I don't know why I stayed. Wish I hadn't.

Dday #2 March 17, 2014. OW called me at work. She claims she is pregnant. Totally caught me off guard. A. Couple of days before was my birthday and we had a conversation about cheating with him swearing he would never hurt me like that again. Later that day, he came and showed me hockey tickets he had won at work for another city. He went to the other city but they weren't his tickets. They belonged to a friend. He just went to bang the Ow. At first, he says it is just once but she starts mass emailing and the details come out. It's been going on for, at least, eighteen months. His Friends all knew. In fact, they all fucked her too. It gets even better.....he had a theeesome with, at least, one of them and her and both of these friends are married.

I don't know what to do. I feel lost and hopeless. I found thousands of emails and texts. I found videos they made. H claims to be remorseful. He wrote her a NC letter. Spends most of his time crying. He isn't really helping me though and I feel like he is crying for himself. We have been together twenty years. We have three kids. I feel like he through that away like we were garbage.

Just had to tell someone.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
Nomorestrength
♀ New Member
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you are here. I'm fairly new here myself, and I still keep getting lies. I think the lies are almost the worst part.

Please take care of yourself and reach out to family and a close friend or 2 you feel comfortable talking to.

While very difficult, trying to detach from your WH will help in this traumatic time so you can concentrate on you and staying healthy. Definitely try to find a counselor for you as well.

It's hard to imagine people can do these things without a conscience. This woman sounds like a low life and I'm sure she has no clue who the father really is for sure.

Hugs to you. Hang in there. More experienced members will offer more advice soon.


Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justonemoreday: i am so sorry. This is trauma. Unfortunately it is rampant


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JOMD))) Im sorry. It really does feel like you are dying inside. It sucks! Im here if you need to chat, vent etc


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So so so sorry. We hear you. 16 months since D-day for me. In R.

It is incredibly hard for R. My advice. Focus on yourself. Finding yourself again. (I know, hard to do through so much pain and betrayal).

Do the 180 and behave indifferent towards him. Separate if you can. For yourself (but a nice bonus to it-it usually shocks him).

Get access to everything. He will fight you on it. If he doesn't (he is still having the A). DO NOT let him rail road you on that one. If he doesn't...then there is your answer about if there is a M.

Others will post that can relate more to your level of betrayal. Which is horrific and shocking to say the least.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the responses. It is nice to know that someone is listening.

I have all his passwords, access to his phone, email, etc. He has given it all to me. I am reasonably sure there has been NC because she doesn't live here. She did, however, sit outside my house on dday and before dday,she came into my place of employment and had me wait on her. He knew she was going to do it too. She sent me a ton of emails after dday that were brutal.

Sex with her was unprotected even though he knew she was sleeping with other men. He didn't care. He told her he loved her many times. He did every possible thing he could do with her.

He wants to rebuild. He wants to do all the things that he should have done them first time....blah, blah, blah. I want to not wake up tomorrow(no, I am not suicidal). He wants to fix what he has broken. I want to punch him in the face. We went to our first MC appt last week. I felt unheard. The MC actually said that H could not be the one to help me heal because he was the one who hurt me. I also started IC and meds. H has not set up IC. He has started to read a book but its about how to deal with his shame. Nothing about how to help me. I feel like he is wallowing in self pity. I hate this.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add that the other two guys who also screwed around with the OW.....their wives don't know and I doubt either of them used protection either. Should I tell them?


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
adriana1980
♀ New Member
Member # 41780
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JustOneMoreDay, your case is actually very simple.... you need to get divorced as soon as you can.

You are clearly married to a habitual cheater who doesn't hesitate to expose you to serious health risk as long as he is getting his little pleasures. Your husband is a Jerry Springer's material. If you decide to stay with him you can already start preparing for Dday #3 bucause it is only a matter of time. You can do much better than that.


Posts: 39 | Registered: Dec 2013
adriana1980
♀ New Member
Member # 41780
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, you should tell them. They have a right to know about their husbands' sexcappades and make informed decision what to do. It isn't just a matter of infidelity, it's also a matter of being unknowingly exsposed to serious health risk.

[This message edited by adriana1980 at 3:56 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]


Posts: 39 | Registered: Dec 2013
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely. Tell the other wives.
I am so sorry you are going through this again. The pain and anguish are so unbearable and to have to do this again is, unforgivable, 180 and get yourself a lawyer. Know your rights. Protect yourself and your children and take his lying cheating ass to the cleaners.

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
MomtoRoses
♀ Member
Member # 42271
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. I'm so sorry. Yes, I would tell the other wives. They need to get tested too.
I have a habitual cheater wh too. It really sucks. The LIES are out of this world. He lied to me for 10 years. I had ZERO clue. ZERO. All I know is I am trying but he is going to 12 step meetings 4x per week, and ic. I feel like I"m drowning in my grief and I know how you feel. I read a lot of articles/blogs for betrayed spouses. I go to ic too. It only helps a little bc the pain is so great. I don't know how to move through this. I go to sanon too. That helps me some. I know I'm not alone.


i'm the bs
he is the wh.
7 ddays: affairs, online activities, ea, pa, longterm pa,longterm ea, one night stands.
I'm the last to know.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you are going through this. I just told this story on another thread, so if it is redundant, I'm sorry.

Get a new MC. Like tomorrow. The worst mistake I made in my life was not having a good MC. This was 10 years ago, but ours told my STBXWH that he was good at handling things. That has given my STBXWH a pass for just about everything since then.

Seriously, look into someone else if you're even thinking of R. This MC doesn't sound good for you based on what you have posted here.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
JustOneMoreDay
♀ Member
Member # 42945
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have one more appointment set up with the MC. If he isn't better(the MC), I am finding someone else. Whether H and I are together or not, we somehow have to find a way to deal with each other because one of our kids has a disability and requires both our care.

I can't sleep or concentrate. I can't even cry anymore. I just want off this roller coaster ride.


Me -BS 39
Him-WS 38
Dday #1 February 14, 2003 EA(not a typo. He did it AGAIN eleven years later)
Dday #2 March 17, 2014 LT PA
Dday #3 June 29, 2014(found evidence something had gone on with his sister's best friend)
Dying Inside and in limbo

Posts: 124 | Registered: Mar 2014
Losconang15
♀ Member
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for all the nonsense and crap our partners out us thru. It's terrible. Please take care of yourself and yes, tell the other wives. They deserve to know and better protect themselves, not only from the assholes they married but from any stds they can bring home


Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.


Posts: 75 | Registered: Feb 2014
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*****Sorry for all the nonsense and crap our partners out us thru. It's terrible. Please take care of yourself and yes, tell the other wives. They deserve to know and better protect themselves, not only from the assholes they married but from any stds they can bring home****

I couldn't agree more..

Try to find the person you were before you were in this marriage or relationship, if it was somebody you were happy with..

Pursue what makes you feel whole, whether that is beefing up your career or pursuing hobbies that you love or both..

In the end, it is the things that we love to do that will distract us and help us to deal with the BS that our partners put us through..

Having a healthy form of distraction from the bad things in life means everything....

[This message edited by doggiediva at 5:12 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please listen. You have a few things to do.

1. Go to a doctor and ask for anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. I did, and I was terrified to do it, but I got them and they do help. My doctor actually hugged me. Go to a doc in the box the next town over if you are worried about privacy.

2. So sorry sweetie, but STD testing. Ugh. The worst. But your health is so important.

3. Whether you tell the others or not is your choice, and you don't have to decide today. No big decisions today. Take care of you.

4. Counseling, journaling, anything that is an outlet to the feelings. I started an art journal, and I'm not even artsy. I have a marriage book that I hate, so I bought a bunch of sharpies and am very entertained by defacing that book.

5 . Let me know if you want me to punch the bastard in the throat for you. I would do it with pleasure.

You are not alone. I've been dying too. It is the worst.



"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Triple post. Sorry.

[This message edited by twitching at 8:39 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Double post

[This message edited by twitching at 8:39 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

their wives don't know and I doubt either of them used protection either. Should I tell them?

OMG. YES. Please tell them. Have proof, they will want it.

I am so sorry, I know how you feel. My ExWH is a serial cheater too. Gave him a second chance (his request) only to have him stab me in the heart again yrs later.

You WH's OW sounds like a good one
Did she get paid?

Just try to take care of you rignt now. F*ck him and his pity party.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


JustOneMoreDay,

Please make sure you're drinking lots of water/fluids every day and force yourself to eat, if not drink Ensure or Boost. You're going thru the worst part so you must take care of yourself and the basics first. Alcohol will make you feel worse.Get an antianxiety or antidepressant to help for now.

WS is probably crying as a release for the craziness he finally got caught at, and now doesn't know what to do.

I would insist on a paternitiy test to see who really is the father of the baby.

He's been living a lie for a while, day after day after day.

So sorry for you.

It's hell.


Posts: 804 | Registered: Apr 2011
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.