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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: my day with stbxh
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, STBXH is extra pissy because "it all went [my] way" and I "have him over a barrel." Whatever.

This morning he kept asking things in the kitchen. I wasn't that responsive. I don't remember what he asked, all I remember is trying not to answer him while I was getting the kids around. It was awkward as hell and the kids were feeling it.

DD tells me in the car this morning that "Daddy thinks you're getting greedy." Lovely. Ds didn't want to get out of the car, because apparently, this was the first time he heard it. But, when I coaxed him out, he found some friends and walked in with them. He seemed to have a good day.

I got kicked out of the master this morning. So loaded my shit and went to the basement with my mom.

And then I found the locked doors. Here's the kicker. He asked my mom what he did. She told him he "fucked." Go mom. Then he comes up and asks me why this one vow is such a big deal because I broke vows, too. When I asked what vows, he replied with "cherish." I didn't cherish him because I can't keep the house clean. I admitted to sucking as a housekeeper, but I never promised a clean house. He wanted to start a business--we did. He wanted to move--we did. Whatever he wanted, I tried to accommodate. Seriously? Clean the house? When he brought this up before I found out about the A, I suggested that we just break down and get a housekeeper. But no! That wouldn't work, either. Jeeze. It just makes me so angry, and I'm sitting here shaking with rage.

I've never looked at another man. Still haven't. Not D yet. Don't know how long it is going to take me. But still, tired of this. In what possible universe is not keeping the house clean comparable to cheating???

Will be glad to move next week. Will be glad to just have him out of my life and only have to communicate through email and lawyers.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cherish?? Cherish? Tell me is that one of the Ten Commandments now?

I'm glad you're seeing through his bullshit - unfortunately this isn't the most ridiculous 'reasoning' I've heard. There was one here about not cooking corn for him or something like that.

I didn't cook or drive - that's what made him cheat with.... wait for it.... a whore who didn't cook or drive!!

I laughed for a good half hour when he told me during false R. Not sure what I did or didn't do to make him fuck all of the other OW.

Can you get exclusive use of the house? I'd get yourself a VAR too and have it on you at all times. Don't talk to him. I'm not discussing this with you. Talk to your lawyer. Repeat over and over.

Take a record of the parental alienation he is pulling and talk to your L about what can be done. Your kids don't need to be exposed to this shit.

Why is cheating such a big deal?? Seriously??


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leia, you just told us that whole story, and never once used the terms "arsehole", "douche-canoe", or "stunned fucker".

You are a motherfucking saint!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
ThisHell
♀ Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another good one I heard 3 DAYS after DDay when I sat him down to find out why this happened when I was trying to get him to go to counseling: among a few other gems was, because I wasn't as into my health---I would choose to eat a candy bar instead of an apple, and that sometimes I would snack in bed.

Seriously? I mean...I am a woman.. who the heck prefers an apple over a candy bar?! And I may not have always been super into working out, but I am not overweight (other than after having kids). He says he always found me attractive. I was insecure at times myself about my weight, but according to him, it was all in my head..I couldn't eat more than a few bites of anything for at least 4 months after, let alone chocolate. It took me a year before I could let myself eat a few m&m's after that statement.


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 304 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I've got you all beat!

I liked the show Ghosthunters at the time. I DVR'd episodes of Ghosthunters, and would watch them at night after I put the baby to bed.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3404 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just makes me so angry, and I'm sitting here shaking with rage.

Please try not to let him make you so upset. You don't have to defend yourself. You know he's completely ridiculous, right? Don't let him confuse you..

He's really fucking grasping at straws trying to defend himself and blameshift with that one (or any true or not true accusation), so try laughing in your head and walking away next time. Luckily, correcting his thinking is just another added "not my problem anymore" brick on the humungous pile of freedom you are building..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2317 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Virginiagirl
♀ Member
Member # 41656
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If that's the best he can come up with…?!?!?!

Really, laugh at him.
Next time a mutual friend or anything asks about your marital issues, I wouldn't be able to resist throwing that in somehow. Seriously. Expose his ridiculousness. That reason can't stand up to the light of day. It wouldn't even stand up to a nightlight.

I would never let him live it down :) If he ever happens to be hoovering, or going through regret/sadness whatever, I would be so tempted to toss that one out there lol.

What an idiot. He's just having himself a little tantrum.


Me- BS-43
Him-WS-42
Married 15 years, living together 20
DDay May 2013
TT ongoing
2 kids, 10 & 15
OW- old girlfriend from High School, and now umpteen stupid groupie local ho-bags

We are done.


Posts: 180 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: utah
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm trying to get to the point where I just don't care anymore. Yeah, after this weekend and his bs, I've detached. I'm better off.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He can come up with all the bullshit excuses he wants. He's still a broken person who can not accept responsibility for his own actions. I would bet it's always everyone else's fault, never his, in all aspects of his life.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3404 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently he "was forced" to have an affair as
I ironed too slowly!!!!!!

When people ask me why I divorced I tell them "I did not like his very young girlfriend that apparently I forced him to get as I ironed too slowly".

Stunned faces and open mouths are common!!!

Such pathetic clutching at straws... And seeking of a reason to justify their actions.

Funny thing was exMIL acted as a written witness in court when ex decided he would like 50/50 to avoid CS. Despite not taking the kids for a single overnight in 2 years. She trotted out the old line about my ironing speed forcing him to get a girlfriend. Supposedly the judge was even taken back by their stupidness. I won full custody!!!!

Recently the boys (who don't know about the slow ironing accusations) told me "daddy is so unhappy with OW as she irons too slowly!!!!" LOL

Getting out the popcorn as I see another A and train crash coming.


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't just break one vow. Cheating breaks them all: love, honor, cherish...

But the point is not to have a winning argument. Cheaters will always have 1001 reasons why it was OK for them to treat the BS like crap. So just don't engage when he gets like this.

If he can't control his verbal assualts on you, you might want to consider getting a lawyer and filing for sole use of the home while the D is pending. You have been through enough already, you do not have to take his abuse on top of his cheating.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cherish..... Well bring out the handcuffs and call the police. What freaking commandment did you break? Your WH committed adultery, or as your Mom said fucked. I agree Go Mom!


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Cabrona
♀ Member
Member # 9596
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TimeFor WHO THE HELL irons anymore? Seriously.... Need to get him a bottle of Downy Wrinkle Releaser...

My ex complained about crumbs in the toaster. Bottom line they just got to come up w/something because the truth of the matter is their cheating has NADA to do w/you, it has ALL to do with who they are.


"The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you... you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." —Bob Marley

Posts: 562 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Caribbean
Topic Posts: 13

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