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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help me understand why I am so upset about this
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, you are right I should not care, and it is harder when you have to look at them everyday.
My 2 cents on detachment. Start small to get the detachment rolling. The little victories build on each other towards indifference. Anger is actually a part of it as well and you can use that to drive you to do some things you may not have done in the past.

and here I am cooking dinner and I shit on his parade and he got mad because I was not giving ego
^^^I hope you were only cooking for you and the kids. If not that may be a starting point. Your WH can find and cook his own food. No more cooking dinner for stbxwh. No more washing his clothes, if you did that. You don't have to be mean just make enough for you and the kids. When he comes in and there is nothing left he will get the message or you can say oops we ate it all.

Do what YOU want to do around the house. If you used to ask for his help doing certain chores or things don't ask, figure out a way to get it done yourself. It's a good way to start the detachment.

You have to break your own routines to get yourself going. I refused to eat stbxww cooking while we were doing in-house S. I made my own dinner. I started washing my own clothes, yes it sucked in the beginning but I had to do it because I would be doing it for myself 100% of the time and for the kids 50% of the time once we had officially separated.

If he does something stupid and pisses you off don't engage with him come here to vent or call up a friend to vent. It takes time to get the 180 and detachment down and you will mess it up but when you do just start it right back up again.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:23 PM, March 28th (Friday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks 7yrs,

I never ask for help in chores or anything really, I always have done or tried to do it myself all the way down to fixing something.

He get pissy because I will not longer clean the basement or the bathroom down there. I don't use it and it is his place. I clean upstairs because that is my place.

Dinner well, I cook mainly for my son but I will never deny a person food. And he does grill or will cook every now and than. That doesn't bother me. I love to cook and I like when people eat. We don't eat together anymore so we eat at different times or he will be downstairs or me upstairs. I DO however try to eat with son when he is not busy with something.

But, I will keep pushing, my biggest problem is engaging him! That is what I need to learn the most!

BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, Lalagirl, that OW must belong to the same religion as xpos's slut/w. I've been told that she is "very religious ". What religion would that be that tells them to commit adultery with another woman's H?? And xpos is a card-carrying athiest! Must make for great bonding and discussions.

Faithful w/Love, I have a very suspicious nature. My thought on it would be that he has a new love interest with the same name as his mother and *that* is who he is trying to impress with that tat and rubbing your face in it to continue to show his disrespect.

I'm sorry you are still forced to have his presence there, but please practice what has been said and NC, NC, NC, NC.

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2382 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you. Everything about this tattoo bothers me. How hypocritical can one get?

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3410 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
♀ Member
Member # 27546
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, March 29th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Appearance over substance.

Talking the talk, not walking the walk.

Seeing good as evil, and evil as good.



That's my ex, too.
Used to drive me insane.
Literally insane.
He'd give me a black eye, and would have a group of people petting him, and telling him it was alright, and he's a good man, and don't beat yourself up... And I'm standing there bleeding, being handed someone else's kid to look after while they make sure that Jerkface is okay.
Because my EYE is so much harder than his FIST

(And then the next day would roll around, and those same people would be floored at my black eye... And just thunderstruck / "what happened".
Ummmmm... You know last night, as my ex was sobbing into all of your guys arms? THATS what he was crying about. Punching me in the face. (And then they'd argue, NOoooooop... That's not what happened. That couldn't be what happened. He called us, said that he was a terrible person and didn't know if he could go on, and felt like dying, and blah blah blah blah blah... Not that he HIT you. What did you do??? I mean, he's not that kind of guy. / What, the kind of guy to punch his wife and then get everyone to make him feel good about it? No, of course not. )

Amazingly, I no longer care, more than once in a blue moon.

The greatest gift of divorce = no longer HAVING to care.

But it took a long time.

YEARS of work, that he'd take credit for.
YEARS of work, that he'd just dismiss if he couldn't claim credit
YEARS of work, that he'd try to make seem evil if I did get credit.

It takes awhile to move out of that sick-sick-sick roller coaster.

It feels like losing 100 pounds.
And color returns to the world.
And a chorus of angels singing.

LOL... But you'll get sucked back into hypocrisy land, and get the joy of re-emerging more than once. So, don't worry! It feels good enough to be normal/sane that it's almost worth getting caught up in their twisted world view, just to escape again!!! Ahhhhh... Can hear that hallelujah chorus, now!


[This message edited by CheshCat at 11:21 PM, March 29th (Saturday)]

"Another conversation killed awkwardly! Yes! Point to my side." - Chesh's Brother

Moi : BS MH 30mumble
Him : WS Abuse Adultery Addict Six-figure Sociopath = Aaass
... I picked a winner!
DDay - 2006 ad naseam
Divorced! 2013

Posts: 571 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: West Coast US
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Around our first ending when my idiot ex was out partying and sleeping with anything that was permissive he took to wearing a rosary out when he drank. He obviously thought it was cool as he was going through a boondock saints phase but his failure to see the hypocrisy astounded me.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
♀ Member
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since he owes you money I get that you are upset, but I don't get why you are upset about the subject matter. Really? Cheaters lie, they live in a delusional world, they abide by "their" rules etc. So the fact that he is a non believer with a cross shouldn't come as a shock to you.

And yes, Adonai did tell Moses in Leviticus 19.28 "You will not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead or print a tattoo upon you. I AM the LORD!..
So let Adonai place judgment on your STXH and you take care of YOU.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're upset because he's a hypocrite. I can't stand hypocrites. You want to be a scumbag? Fine. Be a scumbag. But don't pretend to be something else when you are in fact, a scumbag.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex wears a crucifix around his neck bought by the whore for Christmas.What a joke.He was also a lecturer in our church during his affair.

[This message edited by ideservebetter45 at 10:10 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Topic Posts: 29
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