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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help me understand why I am so upset about this
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wh comes home last night. He went and had his tattoo finished up. He had a cross that he got while in the full blowin A. I was upset about that. So last night he comes home and he has God'd Hands behind the cross with clouds. And he is going back to get tear drops coming from the clouds and his moms name on it.

The reason I am so upset is because.. How does one that never set foot in church other if someone has passed or a marriage, who doesn't read the bible, you does hurtful things, who say's he feels God is telling him to leave the marriage, who uses Gods name in vain everyday, gets that tattoo on them? I feel like it is mocking God.

I am the one who always tried to get him to go to church, who has shown him faith, I am the one that taught the kids from a very young age to say their prayers, to always be kind to others, never make fun of other, to be humble in all that they do, to pray and give thanks for all the blessings they have, to always think before on how they would feel in someone else's shoes, to never use God's name in vain, to always forgive so they can be forgiven...

I just don't know why it is bothering me so bad. I was not nice about it when he showed me. I said I hope now that you imprinted him on you that you walk with him and represent him. He got pissed and felt like I was knocking is happy moment and said I was ugly or something like that... I just left it alone.

I feel bad for how I feel. He has a right to put whatever he wants on his body and I sat and judged him for putting something Holy on himself. Why do I even care?


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because, you cannot help but see the hypocrisy in his actions. And now there is an indelible reminder of that on his skin. It would annoy me too.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1657 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is OW a Christian and involved in church? God is not telling him to leave the marriage. God hates divorce. He sounds extremely confused and feels guilt.

I tried to tell my XWH before he left that I wanted to get more involved in church and make Christ the center of our home. He said that he didn't believe what I believed.

Well, OW's dad is a Baptist pastor and she is extremely active in her church so he started going to church after he left to hold on to her.

I think a large majority of BSs take on the APs hobbies and interests to try to keep them. They eventually go back to their "old ways" after a while.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do I even care?
Because you haven't emotionally detached yet. Keep practicing. Don't talk to him and don't interact with him at all unless it invovles kiss or finances. The tattoo was neither of those. When he shows you his tattoo say "that's nice" and walk away or "ok" and walk away. I had a very limited vocabulary for months when it came to stbxww. It included the following and that was all it included:

Yes.
No.
I don't care.
Uh Huh.

And

the blank stare. Yes I consider staring directly into someones face with no emotion on my face a valid form of communciation. It conveys "I could give zero fucks about whatever just came out of your mouth. I don't consider it worthy of a response. Now move along and crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of."

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:21 AM, March 28th (Friday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if she is a christian, I know she use to go to church during the A.

I just don't know how people can do that if they are a true christian. God's people do not do that to other people. Urrgghh...

I am not perfect and I am a sinner also because I am human but I never EVER hurt people for my benefit or because I have free will to do so. I try my hardest to be the best person I can to others and follow what God would want me to do even tho I slip up, I know I repent and try not to ever do it again.

This just REALLY bothers me and make me cry.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrs - you are right and I tried to do that when he showed me. But, when he said " Now I can wear my tank tops in summer cause my tat is looking good, and acting like all that, I got pissed. I know not to say anything but I did.

For some reason this really disturbed me REALLY bad. I could not even sleep thinking about it and how upset I was about it.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all our sinners and have to repent of our sins. It sounds like getting that tattoo is his way of repenting and justify what he has done. He is in a fog. He knows what he is doing is wrong and so does God. I agree with you, he is mocking God.

Joyce Meyer always says "going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in the garage doesn't make you a car." OW's XWH told me that she used to get drunk at parties and yell at people and tell them they needed to accept Jesus. I'm not saying that your WHs AP is not a Christian, only God knows her heart and can judge. They are both in the "in love" fog. When that fog clears and remorse and regret start setting in, it will not be pretty.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It makes sense to me. A bullshit grand gesture that he believes absolves him of his duty to his faith.

Much like how he absolved himself of his duty in his M.

The sad clown identifies as Catholic. Insisted the girls be baptised in the faith. I am spiritual but not a person of organised faith. I'm not baptised. I thought it would be nice for the girls to have a foundation because it is a much larger step to take as an adult - this way if they do find themselves with a need or want of faith it is more within their reach. I attended info sessions to learn more about it. He was not at all supportive, did not come with me. I wept each Sunday when they called my name for these info sessions and welcomed me - such is my reverence not for Catholicism but the community embracing me., damaged, a heathen. He never saw it. When I told him he thought it was an odd reaction.

He is not tattooed but it always irked me when he called himself a Catholic - being baptised and calling yourself a Catholic does not a man of faith make. Neither does a tattoo He didn't live it. The hypocrisy chapped my arse.

Leave him to his bullshit gestures - a permanent reminder that that is all he is capable of in faith and in life. I pty him that - I really do.

[This message edited by SBB at 9:46 AM, March 28th (Friday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Faithful w/Love,

STBXWH did the same thing!! He got a tattoo on his back of this HUGE cross with his last name going down it. I know it was for the OW. The funny thing is I am the religious one...he always felt like I "made" him go to church-- which was like once or twice a year! OW is NOT religious and I do not think she has every stepped foot in a church!

That is one of the things that the found wrong with me--- I did not want him to get a tattoo....excuses, excuses.

God does not believe in divorce-- their union will never be blesses b/c they broke one of the ten commandments....sorry don't mean to get all preachy!

[This message edited by freeatlast72 at 9:59 AM, March 28th (Friday)]


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SBB,
Here lays the problem, he doesn't even think of it like that. He is getting for his mom who passed. However, she was a Jova witness and they don't believe in crosses or all that.
The tattoo artist sketched it up and said it would look really cool.

He would not even let me baptize our son because his mom was JW. I always felt my child should be baptized and if he wanted something else when he was older than he could do that. I did baptize my daughter who is older however but for some reason he didn't want his son baptized. I regret it now.

No you don't have to go to Church to have a relationship with God. I go and then stop then go. But I talk to God everyday and I feel I have a great relationship with him. I read the bible little by little, I teach my kids stuff from it.

I don't think he got it out of guilt, He did it because it looks cool and to be honest it is beautiful but my point is .... If you are going to put Holy symbols on your body, you might want to follow what God's word and not MOCK the institution of marriage and his words on how to love and treat people.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just remembering that isn't there somewhere in the Bible that says don't get a tattoo? So I goggled it and found the New King James version in Leviticus says, "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD."

Sounds like your WH did it for his grandma, and guess I'm a heathen too cause my only tat is some small clovers on my ankle for my best friend who died about 5 years ago..

While my ex "pretended" to be a Christian for me, went to premarital counseling, went to church once in a while, it was never a focus of our marriage and we never used it to help us. Religion really is a hard one to overcome if people believe different things..

But yeah, why are you so upset? I understand the hypocrisy, but try to get over it. He's done sooooo many ridiculous things right? What's one more? Give up on trying to figure that fool out..

ETA: Oh, and my friend who died, he was Irish and his name was Roy (and he was dating and living with my cousin), and we used to play poker together, and so ex got a huge tattoo on his calf of an "Ace" playing card with a clover as the suit and "Roy" written in the middle. And he hates it now and wishes he never got it. He was such a crappy friend to him, and I find it funny he's mad he has a man's name tattooed on him

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:13 AM, March 28th (Friday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2107 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your right Butterfly.
I have some tattoos also. I should not be upset about it. And your right about the fact that he has done a lot of crappy things.
Thank you for your insight.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't make sense out of nonsense. No matter how hard we try. This guy has no common sense or else he would realize what a ridiculous act of hypocrisy this is.

It is bothersome, but not enough to have you lose sleep over it. Kick him out of your head. His relationship with God is his own - I believe he will have a lot of explaining to do when he meets his maker. Perhaps he thinks that a tattoo will absolve him of having to explain to God why he felt the need to commit adultery and single handedly ruin his marriage. Yep. A tattoo should get him out of that.

The point is that you can't control his thoughts or his nonsensical behavior. Instead of getting upset about it, be resigned to the fact that you can't even try. He's lost. Normal people would not come bouncing home in the midst of this horrible chaos to show off something as superficial as a tattoo, regardless of its symbolism. That may be what's bothering you most - that this is what he finds so important - looking good in tank tops in the summer as opposed to the pain that he's causing his wife. That's what would bother me.

Whatever it is, get him out of your head. Don't engage. He's like a cobra that will snap and bite you without warning.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2766 | Registered: Jan 2011
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat after me:

We are DIVORCING.

WHAT he DOES is no longer my concern.

WHO he DOES it with is no longer my concern.

MY ONLY CONCERN is MY life - moving forward and thinking about my amazing future.

Honey, you need to D.E.T.A.C.H. like yesterday, and trust me, I know how hard it is in an in-house separation.

Start doing this now!

D on't
E ven
T hink
A bout
H im!!!!!


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're welcome girl.

For what it's worth, if he tries to show it to you again, I'd go with 7yrs' option E:

The blank stare. Yes I consider staring directly into someones face with no emotion on my face a valid form of communciation. It conveys "I could give zero fucks about whatever just came out of your mouth. I don't consider it worthy of a response. Now move along and crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of."

Luckily I don't have to actually look at my ex anymore, but I'm gonna figure out how to give him this look over email


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2107 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys,
You always make me feel better and all of you are so right. AJ, I will repeat and SBB, you may be right on why it is bothering me also.

Maybe it is not what he had tattoo but the bouncing home all excited about it and he owes me money, and than to say how he wants to show it off in summer, and here I am cooking dinner and I shit on his parade and he got mad because I was not giving ego kibbles. I feel that the tattoo pushed me over the edge yesterday. Here I am struggling with money, and trying to get it saved also so I can move and he goes and gets a tattoo instead of giving me back money that he has owed sense last summer. But, you are right I should not care, and it is harder when you have to look at them everyday.


I need to get this anger out of my heart because it is not healthy and I don't want to be like this! If I am detached then I won't feel this way, I will be like "oh that is nice" Next!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The blank stare. Yes I consider staring directly into someones face with no emotion on my face a valid form of communciation. It conveys "I could give zero fucks about whatever just came out of your mouth. I don't consider it worthy of a response. Now move along and crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of."

Perfect!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God does not believe in divorce-- their union will never be blesses b/c they broke one of the ten commandments....sorry don't mean to get all preachy!

Wh is not with OW, but still is in contact every now and than, so to me that is still part of the A, keeping that line open when needed. I feel he will move on to another not her. But, to me it is a slap in the face to even say "whats up"....


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope it's not about the money, it is the symbol he place on himself that is bothering me! Plain and simple.....

I will get over it...

DETACH! WHO CARES! AND I AM NOT TO JUDGE!

Thank you again my wonderful SI fam!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW a Christian and involved in church


Wow...there's an oxymoron for ya...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5027 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 29
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