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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Lost my home
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost my beloved home to foreclosure in 2013. Sheriff sale was September 26 and I was officially removed November 22.

This home was my dream home. I lived in it for 15 years. It was my base, my refuge, my sanctuary. Because of circumstances beyond my control, I lost it. For 6 months now since the sheriff sale, I have been feeling ungrounded and unsettled. I feel I have no "special" place anymore. While realistically the 3 bedroom 2 story house was now to big for just me and my little dog, my blood, sweat, tears, memories and creativity (I am a crafter/decorator) was in it. While I am grateful to have shelter with a relative now, I STILL can't seem to "accept the things I cannot change" and be ok with it. I *have* let go to a degree since there is no sanity in believing it will come back to me but...my base is gone. My memories are in those walls - both good and bad. My dreams of a marriage and family and growing old are part of the atmosphere.

This week my ex practically gloated the fact that there is a contract pending on it. I am SO sad. I can't even begin to say how much. While, I am glad it is not sitting empty like so many others and my wish is to have a real family enjoy ALL the rooms, I am still devastated.


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 466 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Guinness23)))
That must be so hard. I have been trying to find a home for 7 months and I feel so lost without a base. I understand the feeling.

I was in a funk yesterday - actually I was having a pity party for one - and I encountered an acquaintance who has no legs. He's an older man and lost one leg 3 years ago and the other one just last year. Of course I didn't tell him I was in the middle of a pity party because, well, he lost both his legs and who am I to whine about not having a home yet. He was telling me how hard it is that he cannot drive and how frustrating it is to be stuck at home all the time. Then he said something that will stay with me forever. He said "I used to bitch and complain after I lost the first leg but I didn't know how good I had it until I lost the other one." My new phrase to myself is "hey, what's so bad? I have both my legs".


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6086 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I used to bitch and complain after I lost the first leg but I didn't know how good I had it until I lost the other one." My new phrase to myself is "hey, what's so bad? I have both my legs".

You got that right. I can complain all I want and have my own pity party but at the end of the day the worst day in my life is akin to the best day in someone elses. Last Memorial Day, I met a man who has been suffering from PTSD for as long as I have been alive. He cries day and night and has never been able to sustain relationships. THAT will never leave me no matter how sad I get in my own life.


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 466 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Guinness)))))

I feel your pain. My house also was foreclosed on and sold at auction on October 2. My Dd,DGD and I moved into DD's BF home while he is deployed.

We built the home in 1993. He left in 2003. I lost it last year. There wasn't a room that did not have my touch on it. I'm also a crafty person

I feel at peace with letting it go. It was someplace I would not have willingly moved from, but I feel I'm to be going in a different direction. Now is the time for that. I just don't know which direction to move toward.

I moved out to my own place, not far from DD and DGD. I'm busy getting settled and I'm finding that my creative juices are coming back. I felt them waning the last several years. Now they are stronger.

It's hard to accept change when it's forced onto us, a lot of grieving went on those last few months. Every time I thought I wanted to keep the house - the very next thing I touched - broke. I got the feint someone was telling me my future was not in this house.

I hope you find some meaning in all of this, to help you heal the grief.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was someplace I would not have willingly moved from, but I feel I'm to be going in a different direction. Now is the time for that. I just don't know which direction to move toward.

This is really profound. Thank you.

The home I lived in was a spec home in 1998 half done. I came to it just at the right time to make it ours -ex and me. From the very first moment I laid eyes on it, I felt the forces of nature were aligning to make it mine. We had 5 contingency contracts in front of it. The closing date got moved back 5 times and finally we closed on Christmas Eve. While other people seemed to have problems, that house was rock solid. After my ex left me in 2008, the house, my family of Lhasa Apsos and me got closer. The house was my refuge.

It got to be "underwater" in 2010. For 2 years I got to live in it in limbo believing I would save it on my own steam. When the motion came for judgement, I was depressed for 2 months and started really drinking. See. It was not just the home, but the area as well. After the ex, I got REALLY comfortable in that area. The town was growing by leaps and bounds and I felt my future would be there. Taking the house from me and ruining my credit score meant I would have to live with family....a full state away...which is where I am now. The depression and loss is not only about a brick and morter building but so much more.


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 466 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Guinness23)))


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I'm dealing with having to sell my home too. Thankfully, it's not underwater, but it will be hard to sell. It's in a great neighborhood and was supposed to be the home we raised the kids in.

Well, just like Kajem said, every thing I touch, breaks. It is just too big and too expensive for me to maintain. I have to let go to relieve the stress. I am also still in the mortgage with the Gnat and need to cut that tie from him. I couldn't afford to buy him out.

So in the near future, myself and the kids will be renting again. I'm sad about it, but also relieved that I can call someone to come and fix things!


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 871 | Registered: Mar 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guinness,
I am renting in a place where I passed the credit check! It's rent controlled, low to moderate income housing. I am in a townhouse, it 'feels' like a small 2 story house. I had 2 storage units and a 2 car garage storing my stuff, while I lived in a cramped extra bedroom. My bedroom looked like something from hoarders, It was so small!

The place I'm renting is less expensive than renting a 1 bedroom apt, and one storage unit. I have 1400sg ft, 3 br/2 1/2 bath, living room, eat in kitchen and laundry hookups. Mgt is renovating the towne homes as they come available. If your interested, I can swing by the office tomorrow and find out what the federal program is called that keeps this place inexpensive. We are also a part of the sheriffs "safe neighborhood program". Basically, if I get arrested (depends on the charge) and convicted-my lease can be terminated and I can be asked to leave!

Come live by me! Pets are welcome, the pet deposit is (IMHO) steep, but there were no other deposits, just an application fee, and a move in charge.


Hugs,
K

[This message edited by Kajem at 4:04 AM, March 28th (Friday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kajem,
THANK YOU! After just experiencing Chicago in this winter -aka Chiberia- palm trees and beaches within driving distance would be MOST welcome!

My biggest fear is "what" IS affordable to me and where. Since I lost my 2 story single "family" home, I simply do not need another one that big even if I could afford it. To get out on my own now, I want something clean, no bugs and in a safe community and that is big enough to turn around in. Is the place you are in like that? What constitutes "low to medium" housing?

I am VERY happy for you!! Thank you for responding to me!


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 466 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't "lose" my home - we sold it after the D. But I had a lot of memories there - we raised our sons in that home. It was hard to leave - I cried at that ending.

But I also realize that I can make a "home" wherever I land. My sons know that HOME is where I am. I have moved 4 times since the D after living in the marital home for 15 years. Each place I'm in, I nest and make it my own.

I was very proud when I bought a VERY modest home all on my own - with no one co-signing or having any opinion. Now I'm renting it out to a friend because I moved in with SO.

It takes some time to work through these feelings. But after our worlds get turned upside down and inside out, we find out what is really important. Relationships, health, shelter, food, love . . .

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7669 | Registered: Aug 2005
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want something clean, no bugs and in a safe community and that is big enough to turn around in. Is the place you are in like that? What constitutes "low to medium" housing?

Clean -yes. Immaculate -no. Low to moderate housing is income based. I think minimum is $1400/ month single person household. I don't know what the maximum is.

I went from 2400 sq ft to 1400 sq ft. The living room, MB, and kitchen are decent sized. The kitchen could use more cabinets, but then I could get rid of stuff and fit everything I use weekly in existing cabinets. Bathrooms are functional - not a lot of extra space. No jacuzzi tub.

Bugs... Bug man just left. He's in the complex every Friday. There are 20 buildings (8 units per building) in the complex. He does a portion each Friday. Along with anyone who requests an extra visit. I saw a couple of bugs last weekend, called the office and was put on his list for today. I don't like bugs!

The complex is everything from students to families to retirees. I like hearing the children on the playground in the evening. There is a pool, but a little cold right now to use it. Close to the highway and shopping. Very close to the beach, which is my personal sacred nature place to go.

If your interested I can PM you more details.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for that info. At this time, I am financially incapable of leaving the Midwest. Down the road, I may consider going down there. This is part of my overall depression.


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 466 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
cdagal
♀ Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't lose my home but we did sell it. AFter DDay, we had in-house separation for 5 months. During that time, the home that we had lovingly built almost 20 years earlier on a piece of land (45 acres) that we lovingly brought back from fallow land to a picturesque paradise, became simply a house and land. All the love that had resided there died with his admission of infidelity. After I moved into a small rental apartment, he moved the OW in until we sold it 7 months later.
All this to say, a house is just bricks and mortar. A home is where you make your life. My apartment is more of a home to me now than that house was after Dday. You can have another beloved home - you may not be able to envision it right now, but you will get there.


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 69 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Guinness))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24789 | Registered: Aug 2011
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Guinness23))
They say "a home is where the heart is" and you've had your heart broken and now your home taken away. I am so sorry.

No wonder you feel lost. You are like a plant that has been torn from the warm garden soil and plunked down in a cold ceramic pot.

and while I have no good advice and can offer little comfort, know that you are not alone.
Sometimes, I think it is okay to "not accept things you can not change" but instead to just be sad about it and be mad and feel lost. But do know that that feeling, however miserable, is temporary. Your heart will heal and you will begin to put down roots again. Soon that ceramic pot will warm up and you will become accustomed to it's feel & shape. Then you will realize that it now feel like home. Until then, we are here for you.

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 7:23 PM, April 7th (Monday)]


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soon that ceramic pot will warm up and you will become accustomed to it's feel & shape. Then you will realize that it now feel like home. Until then, we are here for you.

Thank you, Phoenix...and everyone.


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 466 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Guinness23)))

I too lost a beloved home but now feel so much better in the place I have landed. I know you find your base and refuge again,


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1612 | Registered: Mar 2004
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:35 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aside from the A and subsequent D, having to sell my house was up there in the gut wrenching department. I too put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into that place. I broke my ass and spent a lot of hard earned money making it a home. The day I sold it I went back to clean up what was left before the new owner took possession the next day. After all was said and done I sat down in the big empty house that once held so much joy and cried like a little girl. Afterwards I went to drown my sorrows at the local pub in my old neighborhood with some friends from childhood. Most of them gave the usual buck up advice but one friend who had walked in my shoes before took me a side and explained that it was just a house. That my XWW had torn down the home with her A. And all that was left to do was pick up the pieces and move on. Those words resonated with me, he was right she took our home away and replaced it just a house. I was lucky that this was just before the housing crash and we had some big $$$ in equity. But when all was said and done it was just wood, brick, nails and screws. I have since replaced it with a home of my own. One that I bought and made into my home. No one can take it away from me. It took many years to get to this place, but I'm here and one day you will be there also. The saying that when one door closes another opens is certainly true. You just need to have the fortitude to stand in the hallway for awhile. And in my case the wait was worthwhile. Good luck my friend, things will get better. I promise !!!

[This message edited by stronger08 at 4:37 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5593 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 18

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