Compassionate 2x4 here:
You are evidently a thinker and an analyzer. Waaaay too much, though! Being in your head is a great way to avoid feelings. (I suffer from the same malady....but am working on it!)
Time to "figure out" how to access your feelings. FEEL-ings, as in: how does your BODY feel? Where? What does it feel like? Then with curiosity, befriend the feelings, and witness them.
Be careful who you choose for IC--there is a great potential for enabling too-much-analyzing out there.
What you FEEL...you can heal....
We need to be warriors for our own healing. For me, I have found it's the hardest, toughest, scariest thing to do, to look my fears square in the eye....
When I find myself in perseverating analyzing thinking mode (habits are hard to break), I verbally say a loud "PEH"! or "STOP"! (or loudly in my head if not alone LOL). Then I scan and feel where the feeling is, witnessing it. I can do this a hundred times a day sometimes.
The analytic thinking mind is not an ally when it comes to healing emotional wounds. (Well, maybe it protects us; but we need to be aware of that). And a betrayal is an emotional wound. And for me, another scary abyss is the one of not-knowing....accepting not-knowing....
Good luck on your journey.
married 19 years
separated since 8/2013
D in progress
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 15 and 11
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on many years (I was clueless)