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Newest Member: Devestated1976 (45450)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fool me twice, shame on mew
zulay44
♀ New Member
Member # 42772
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Foolmel)) I am so sorry that you are going through this, but glad that you decided to end it up for good. You are young, I am sure a good woman and have a life ahead of you and I promise that one day, this will seem just like a bad dream and you will find happiness again...


Me-50
WBF-39
Dday- 10/2013
Left him since Dday.
"Better happy alone, than unhappy with somebody else"

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, March 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him to re read the note and come with a better explanation cuz his "don't fly". The other stuff he said was done to change the subject off the note and distract you.

I would put focus back on the note and ask who it was etc.

Meh. What difference does it make? This is not a 1 time A after 20 yrs of marriage. Its just one OW in a long string of serial cheating, between two young people in a BF/GF relationship. This guy has shown over and over he cant bemonogomous. He is lying and gaslighting.

IMO there is nothing worth salvaging. She is the breadwinner. Already have a support/custody order in place.

Stay strong OP. You seem like a smart, strong lady and can have a wonderful life ahead of you without this man


Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2014
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add my support here for what a good job you are doing. Good for you for taking your life back. Im sorry for all you've had to endure. You didnt deserve this and he doesn't deserve you. Keep your head held high and remind yourself when you do have to be in the same house/room as him that his ploys to belittle you are just that, ploys and are of no use as you are protected now by your own invisible force field that his verbal vomit cannot penetrate. Take care of yourself.


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 452 | Registered: Mar 2014
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we got home last night, he was here. He literally acted as if nothing was wrong. Asking how my day was etc. I gave him short, one word answers. He tried telling me things or sayings things to really engage in a conversation, but I didn't bite. I was laying on the couch watching tv with our dd when he sat next to me and said "so you're just not gonna talk to me?" I told him no, and to please stop trying because I'm not having this discussion in front of dd. So he just sat there and watched tv. I went to bed in dd's room around 8 and passed out. I was exhausted. I'm off today, and I'm hoping he has some more "studying" to do at the "library" so that I can just do my homework (I got a zero last week/weekend bc of all the fighting we were doing over the weekend. Hopefully my professor will allow me to make up some work) and ran the house. Mani/pedi and gettin my hair did today too. I'm determined to make today about ME for once!


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone gave me a pin?

Oh brother.

Let's see, if that were true, he could have given it to YOU. He could have handed it back. He could have given it to Goodwill.

And of course this does not explain the letter. It does not explain why he SAVED the letter.

Asshole.

I wouldn't respond because, you know, there's no point in arguing with a CHILD.

Asshole times infinity.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 879 | Registered: Sep 2012
AlwaysTooNice
♀ Member
Member # 41701
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your BF is good at turning the tables. A weaker BS would have fallen for it. Good for you, standing up for yourself and not accepting his ridiculous excuses! I hope you get some alone time today and he doesn't try to pressure you into talking.


Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SE USA
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 10:15 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Fool

First, you are not a fool. You are smart and strong. I am proud of you.

Stick to your guns.

Your xBF is a narcissist and a liar. What a load of complete BS. Really? He gave her a pin and "he's the best present ever" - WTFE !!!

Make this all about you. It has been all about him for too long. He needs to grow up and stop being a selfish ass.

His manipulation on calling you names and projecting this being your fault is a pure display of his lack of maturity and ability to own his actions.

You and your daughter deserve better. Don't believe him for one second.

Cut your losses and move on. He doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve his BS.

Good luck and keep moving.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1222 | Registered: Apr 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you strength, Foolme1. (((((hugs)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25843 | Registered: Aug 2011
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"The Pen Excuse".

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new excuse for the WS Handbook.

(please note the HEAVY sarcasm)


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6587 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
k9lover1
♀ Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you for not letting him BS you.

Based on the "couldn't wait to try it out" and "I need more practice", I figure he either gave her a musical instrument or a BOB.

[This message edited by k9lover1 at 11:37 AM, March 27th (Thursday)]


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8113 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have decided to start sleeping in my daughters room unitl our lease is up (May). I signed for a newer, nicer apartment yesterday, so in May, my daughter and I are moving. I donm't know where he is going.

BEST. DECISION. EVER.

I will give him half of savings (thought a lot of you may disagree), because I can't just leave him homeless...

I guess if that's the price of finally unloading this loser who brings NOTHING to the table, then it's money well spent. Myself, I'd rather throw it down a black hole than give him anything.

I live in a prison. I go to school I got to the hospital I got to the gym sometimes I go to J's and I go home. Home is my escape. You are my escape from prison...

Awwww, what a tough life for him. Soon, his 'prison' will require WORKING at a job and not letting his wife support him while he goes to school and the gym. Yup, time to grow up.

Do remember that child support is your daughter's right, regardless of whether you earn enough money to support her on your own or not. That's not the POINT. So make sure your child support order is filed with the court the MINUTE you move out. Don't need it? Put it in the bank each month for her when she grows up. She can use it towards college or a car or her first house.

Don't deny her that.

Good luck to you and stay strong!

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 11:52 AM, March 27th (Thursday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1836 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never again, we already have a court ordered child support agreement from the divorce so I will make sure he pays that to me.

I called my MIL today. After years of hiding this from her, I finally told her the whole thing She was upset, obviously. But said she can't tell me what to do. She understands though. I think she's thankful that I'm not throwing him out on his ass (legally I can't. Even though the lease is in my name, he's an occupant whose listed, so I'd have to give him 30 days anyways. But, since my lease is up in 60, I'm being nice. For my daughter. ) but she understands that I deserve better.

Had a nice, comfortable relaxing night last night in my daughters bed. No words were exchanged this morning.

Right now, I'm sitting in a massage chair getting a pedicure. After that, a hair appointment. Then back to business: homework. Ugh. Cried finally today while telling my mother in law. It felt good to finally get it out.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
AlwaysTooNice
♀ Member
Member # 41701
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad you're taking the day to yourself. You deserve to relax and be pampered.

Have you told WxBF about you getting a new apartment?


Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SE USA
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Always, yes he knows. I had decided to move prior to this and happened to sign my new lease literally hours before that note. So he knows I was smart though and made sure not to include him on my lease. My gut just told me not to.

It's very awkward here. We're not speaking to each other. Only to our daughter. He's acting as if he has the right to be upset with me. I know that note wasn't innocent.

He later "explained" that by pin, he meant pen, as in calligraphy pen. This note was written in calligraphy pen. Why would someone give him a calligraphy pen and that still does not explain "DEAREST douche", "you are the bed t present", "Merry Christmas to you/us", and "Love, Ruby". Not does it explain that my gut has been screaming at me.

This is the same bitch who I caught him texting "hey beautiful, sorry I haven't responded, I had my daughter this weekend". The same bitch who started following me on Pinterest, then the moment I started following her and pinning her line, she deleted and blocked me. She graduated from nursing school last year. So in order to give her this "pen", it wasn't in the halls in passing. He had to deliberately go to her or meet her somewhere to deliver it.

He makes me fucking sick. I stood by him through THREE 12-15 month deployments. Never cheated, never thought about it. I was devoted, head over heels in love with him. He's the only man I've ever been with. We're high school sweethearts. His son was born a few months before we met in high school and considers me his mother. All he's had to do was go to school. I cooked, did his laundry, filed his bankruptcy for him (did all the work and research for him), worked OT to make ends meet. As a return favor (he supported me through school, so I followed through on our agreement even though we are divorced-stupid, I know). I figured, he's bringing in $1500/month, so ateast I'm not paying his bills. But he knew good and well that $1500 could not get him out on his own, so he decided to move half in with me under the guise of "I made a mistake". Yeah you did. You fucked over a GOOD WOMAN.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound like a very strong person. Good for u knowing whats best for u and ur child.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep your chin up as best you can and keep posting. We're here to be the friends to help you through this!


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 452 | Registered: Mar 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I suppose it doesnt really matter since you are DONE with him, but you could always contact Ruby to see what she says. If anything it'll burn his ass cuz he's certainly lying to her to.

Your story just infuriates me. How dare he use you, lie to you, all right under his own daughters nose.

God what an ASS.

Have you thought more about staying with family the rest of the month. It really seems unhealthy to be under the same roof.

Don't ever lose sight of the fact he has NO REMORSE. Dont worry one iota about how he'll get by, where he'll live etc. He's an able bodied, grown man. He will be fine.


Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2014
nolight
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No advice as you really don't need it, I just wanted to say that you are amazing!

I really respect the calm, dignified manner in which you are dealing with this and have no doubt that you are an inspiration to many posters and lurkers who are struggling with making the next move.

I wish you all the peace and happiness that you deserve.


Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I am emotionally/mentally falling apart today. It's all really hitting me that this is over. And do I REALLY want to ever date again? I truly do not believe that monogamy exists.

I want another baby. I'll be 32 this year. I'm almost past my "prime". I don't want another one with him, I don't see myself trusting anyone enough to date. So my daughter will be an only child.

And he still acts as if he did nothing wrong.

Playing everything over in my head and I almost forgot tha about a year ago, I caught him texting another girl from nursing school (seriously, WTF was I thinking when he started nursing school???) Well, the texts went like this:

Her: can I borrow you this weekend
Him: depends, what are you going to do with me?
Her: hmmmm....there are so many ways I can answer tha question. But I've decided to answer professionally for now and after we take our MCAT, I will give you an unprofessional response.
Him: I like the sound of that.

Why the hell did I stay?? Because he cried and begged and swore nothing happened and that he just enjoyed the attention. He swore he would tell her he was in a relationship, yet I never followed up. I was in the "what I don't know won't hurt me" mentality.

I'm so glad I'm done with him.

I can't stay with my aunt because my cousin is moving back home and will be staying her with for a few months. I won't stay with my parents bc that's an even worse atmosphere for my daughter. So. I will stay and continue sleeping in my daughters room. I have not told him my plan yet. I will this weekend. Just wasn't ready for shit to hit the fan yet.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
Cascade
♀ Member
Member # 28774
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A. You can TOTALLY still find a good man and have a baby. I have 3 preggo friends who are 35-37 all nearly full term.

B. Look at you go sister!!!! Be the woman you would want your daughter to be. You are setting a wonderful example for her, take pride in that.

C. There is still monogamy in this world. Now you know some of the flags to look for early on, but don't be afraid to love again. You sound so lovable! Ladies like you make me wish I liked ladies! :)

Hugs


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tampa, FL
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