[This message edited by Sadwife222 at 12:49 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]
I have always been faithful. Even when dating as a younger man. Never cheated once. Always honorable. I know most here tell the same story. The reality is that the selfish ones don't have to be here because they have their fantasy messes to keep them warm....fools I say. (Exceptions to WS in other forum that are legitimately trying to repent....props to you).
"I have been faithful. Just because you act like your mom does not mean I act like your day. You can draw what ever conclusion you want. Some one gave me a pin. I have no use for a pin so I gave it to someone else they really liked it and thought I picked it out and bought it for them I did not. You can't just assume I'm cheating. I rearranged my life to try and work better with you. I stopped to home work at home to be with my family and you withdrew. The more I started being home and not doing homework you started doing more and more to not spend time with me and Dd as a family. Blam who you want for what you want but i quit everything to work on our family!
See this is what happens. We start to do good then you convince your self I'm cheating you pull away. I'm not doing the things you think I'm doing but you convince your self I am. Then you start to get over we start to get close something happens and you convince your self I'm cheating again then you pull away again. But the problem is I'm not cheating!!!
So I do believe you are exhausted of it but you are making most of it up in your head.
I live in a prison. I go to school I got to the hospital I got to the gym sometimes I go to J's and I go home. Home is my escape. You are my escape from prison. But your an emotional closed box. The only person I can escape with won't communicate with me. We can't agree on how to raise our child. That's a huge problem between us. We can't agree on our standards of livings. We can't agree in groceries. We can't agree on how to clean our cloths. I don't have any friends other than J and school friends. I don't flirt with people at school I'm nice to everyone some people take it as flirting but most just take it as me being nice. But generally girls leave me the hell alone!!! You find little things that are upsetting and your escalate them into huge deals and convince your self I'm being unfaithful. I'm not I'm home more than ever and I'm really present when I'm home for once. Your the absent one this time not me!"
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
His story makes not sense. Her letter says "I couldn't wait to try it out. I have a lot of work to do. I need more practice and patience". So, does she not know how to write with a pen? Or maybe he literally meant a pin...so does she need practice pinning this pin to her shirt???
And if it was nothing, why did he keep this note folded neatly in his wallet for 3 months?
I'm not buying it. and I don't want to go home. If I could have someone get my dd tongith, I would just rent a hotel to think and relax ALONE.
[This message edited by Foolme1 at 2:12 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]
He has cheated on you so many times. Its nothing short of abusive. He is a serial cheater
I really hope you get that apartment and file for divorce. You are so young, and have so many years ahead of you, and they should not be spent
with a man who doesn't respect you.
As to his response....well we all know its BS. Just the standard shit. There is NO QUESTION he cheated. She referenced "us" and "You are wonderful!!!". He SAVED the note and HID IT. In one breath he is denying cheating, yet in the same breath is giving excuses (for the "non cheating"?) --- you not being there, isolating yourself, being closed off, having friction. So transparent, so stupid, SO ABUSIVE
Have you checked his computer? I suspect he cheats online, via online dating sites, in addition to at school. That would be my guess. Uses his phone. Probably has lots of downtime at school to do so. Im curious what his phone/ pc would reveal. But not that it really matters. You have clear evidence.
If I were you, I wouldn't even respond. Is there somewhere you can stay until May 1? Will he leave?
HE IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE...too many years, too many chances. Even when your daughter's happiness is at stake.
Did you find anything in the bank account that could be the gift? (not that it really matters I suppose)
[This message edited by ShiningAutumn8 at 2:18 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]
So sadly the only way it stops is if you stop it. So I would cut him off, stop taking texts and emails and phone calls. Believe in you and stand firm. Its hard I know but it is the only way you will break free from this type.
REality bites, I didn't respond to him. His response to my non-response is that its nice having a serious conversations with a child. He knows that pisses me off, so he always resorts to calling me that. So sick and tired of his shit. I'm thinking about going to stya wiht an aunt for a few months until my lease is up. I will pack up my apartment (things I dont want him stealing), pay the retn (because lease is in my name), he can stay there, then I will move in to my new place when the lease is up here, and he can go his own way. I just worry about uprooting my duaghter.
My bank account didn't show anything. Mostly just two withdraawals, one for $60, the other for $100
Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9
But regardless, you've been through enough. You said it yourself.
I'm done with a relationship that I know I will never trust. this is not what I want for my life, and its not what I want for dd.
You don't need hard proof, you don't need to stay in a marriage where you have been cheated on so many times. You do know that your life will be better without this man in it. I think all of the proven cheating has allowed you to distance yourself to a point where you are finally ready to say goodbye without hard proof.
Some one gave me a pin. I have no use for a pin so I gave it to someone else they really liked it and thought I picked it out and bought it for them I did not.
Interesting he didn't think of giving the "pin" to you. He didn't address giving it to a woman and her wonderful thank you note that makes her seem oh so special. And of course he SAVED it. Who would give him a pin appropriate to give to a woman? It must have been for a woman if she thought he picked it out for her!
Also interesting he attacks you as a child when you call him out on his behavior. Don't respond when he starts down that line. Tell him, I'm sorry, stop trying to change the subject to me, right now we are talking about YOU and my concerns.
How sad he feels he is in prison....if he had real boundaries he would know what married life is. (Did you re-marry him or just living together now?)
[This message edited by momentintime at 4:11 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
I'm thinking about going to stya wiht an aunt for a few months until my lease is up. I will pack up my apartment (things I dont want him stealing), pay the retn (because lease is in my name), he can stay there, then I will move in to my new place when the lease is up here, and he can go his own way. I just worry about uprooting my duaghter.
Now that is a good plan.
your daughter will be FINE. Yes it will be hard and an adjustment for her. But whats even harder is 2 parents living together unhappy, not respecting each other, and seeing her mother treated as a dormat and continuously abused by a serial cheater.
As long as you shower your daughter with love, give her age appropriate explanation, and done bad-mouth her father to her she will be FINE. She will even be BETTER than if you stay together.
Please keep us posted. Please keep posting so you don't get weak and go back to him. Go to your aunts!
My best friend said the same thing you said: He thought of giving this Pin to another woman, but not me...and he SAVED his note??? Dont worry, I aint buyin it. He attacks me as a child because he knows that a soft spot for me.
I did not re-marry him, and I never had the desire to re-marry him, thank God. WE sitll have our custody and child support order from the divorce, so I don't have to waste anymore money on a lawyer. We can literally just break up, nad move on. No legal crap.
ShiningAutumn: I know, you are right. I will miss the comfort of my home, but this is only temporary.
I would put focus back on the note and ask who it was etc.
If the lease is in your name, and you aren't married, how can he have a right to be there except by your good grace?
Do you have something in writing letting him be there?
Stay strong. It will be oh so much better for your daughter to have a good example to follow when she gets older than to see you take abuse like this from her father and think it is OK.
You are young and so is she.
You will be fine and she will be fine.
Good luck to you, I hope you can find some peace.