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User Topic: It really is the little things
mal2006
♀ Member
Member # 42296
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday was a crappy emotional day for me again, and usually I would have just stayed home laying around and being depressed, but I went to school anyway! The best part, though, was that even though I was being a total b**** to WH when I got home, he told me "I'm really proud of you for going to school even though you were upset." I didn't tell him at the time (but I did tell him today when I felt a little better) but that made me feel GREAT. Sure, I know he thinks I'm "hot" and all that, but sometimes I think that my looks are the only thing he values about me or that he only thinks he loves me because he lusts after me so much. Him saying that made me feel like he also values my strength, determination, and responsibility. I wanna know that he is in this M for the right reasons! I've felt and expressed to him for a long time that he is seriously immature; I think he is FINALLY "growing up"!


Me: BW 27
Him: WH 28
DDay: 1/17/14

Posts: 64 | Registered: Feb 2014
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning mal!
I read back over a few of your posts to get a sense of your sitch, and if I get a few things wrong, please forgive!

I feel like talking to you like an older brother, so let's sit down for a cuppa, shall we?

Little sister listen, let's look at some highlights:
- this guy sleeps all day?
- you said he has had multiple AP's?
- there's some odd, passive aggressive/manipulative shenanigans from him too; woe is me, rugsweep, anger at you, walking in the rain, etc...

I want you to be strong within yourself and realize something.
His words mean nothing. He has taught you to be happy at the crumbs he tosses your way: he's proud of you...then he will go back to *whatever* when real, deep self-reflection and working on his issues is required.
Things are so easy to say.
Where is his remorse?
Where are his consistent actions, over time, that show you true remorse?

Watch. Stop listening. You're being "fed". Crumbs.

Instead, be proud of yourself - for going to school, for putting one foot forward in front of another, for continuing to survive this mess he has made of things.
Stop depending on his words of approval. Approve of yourself - and watch him.

So, you're *hot* are you?
Yeah, well, close the bakery then sister.
Until you see consistent action over time, and close your ears to his words -
until you see remorse that is real, and looks like this:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250&HL=25460

...you will continue to spin around in uncertainty. He needs to grow up.
You need to depend on yourself.
Be strong. You can do this.


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
mal2006
♀ Member
Member # 42296
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, I think I needed to read this today. The only thing I will defend is that he sleeps all day because he works nights, BUT he never sets an alarm and just sleeps until he wakes up on his own or I get bored and have to wake him up myself. I guess I convince myself that I am being ridiculous and needy when really I know I'm not. I'm slowly trying to feel ok on my own but it's so hard as I have been with WH since I was 17 and I don't really know who I am without him. On top of that, I am an alcoholic and I just got sober Feb 18th 2013 (best decision I've ever made). So over the past year I've been slowly getting to know myself again and, because I didn't know about any A's yet, thinking that WH was being an awesome support and how wonderful he was to have put up with me through the past 8 years of drinking. What an idiot I was. I realized after I read your reply that I am always happy at school even when I am sad at home before I go, and it's because I am finally doing something for myself. At school I am also surrounded by women who support me and don't judge me at all. I go to cosmetology school (I think that's apparent from some other posts but not sure) and we all feed off each other creatively and just have a great time in general. In fact when I posted this thread last night I had been at school and done a freakin' awesome color and received a ton of praise from my Learning Leaders, so I was able to combine that with the "crumbs" from WH and let myself believe that he's doing everything he should be. I woke up this morning feeling very differently. God help me on this ride, I just wanna get off I think.


Me: BW 27
Him: WH 28
DDay: 1/17/14

Posts: 64 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 3

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