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User Topic: Does WS ever feel the pain of it all???
msmaggiemags
♀ Member
Member # 7484
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really struggling today. I am angry. I am bitter. I am sad, confused and just pissed. I told WH that I don't want to punish him forever. Its not fair to me or him. So today I question what I am doing. I question MY ability to heal. I question whether or not WS ever feel any pain fro. This or did they just get off and move along? I know that my WH feels remorse at least he did but I have never slept with anyone besides him or had an EA. Anyway I am not making sense. I mean why do they feel.so entitled to cheat?? It just makes me sick. His actions make me sick.


Me 42
Wh 36
Ds 11
Dd 7
Dday 6/19/2005, LTA and Oral pleasures, dday#2 Jan/2011 EA, dday #3 Nov/2013 pornographic pics of "friends"
I think this is finally R...

Posts: 260 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Michigan
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that a truly remorseful ws feels pain. I do not think it is possible for them to feel or understand the depth of our pain. My H is amazed that I still have angry times and that I can recall every detail of the convesations following DDay and his actions.

I looked up your profile and didn't anything there but the fact that you have gone through three DDays and your last one is pretty recent.

I admire you in that you are still trying. I am not sure that I could or would.

Do you want to R? Are you and your H in IC or MC? The best thing I can tell you is to take care of yourself and if you're pissed at him- let him know it..


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
msmaggiemags
♀ Member
Member # 7484
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First dday was almost nine years ago..it was two OW discoveries. The last was several porn photographs of people he knows and an EA..really long one. I do not know if I want to R right now. I thought I did. But now I don't know. Today I don't know. I am in IC. MC in the past has been a joke. He is remorseful, kind, affectionate. Has done everything I have asked besides IC. Today its me. He is at home gutting and remodeling our house. for me and the kids.


Me 42
Wh 36
Ds 11
Dd 7
Dday 6/19/2005, LTA and Oral pleasures, dday#2 Jan/2011 EA, dday #3 Nov/2013 pornographic pics of "friends"
I think this is finally R...

Posts: 260 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Michigan
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a remorseful WS feels immense pain, generally worse by far than the BS does.

The BS just has to deal with the pain of being betrayed. The WS has to deal with the guilt and shame of betraying a person s/he loves, AND to be a decent partner in the future, s/he has to deal with the pain s/he tried to avoid with her/his cheating.

So - it's worse, but it's probably a lot different from the BS's pain, which makes sense, because the source of the pain is different.

You can heal no matter what your WS does - but that could require D or S. If you want to R without rugsweeping, though, your WS must process and release her/his pain and change from cheater to good partner.

My point is this: to heal, focus on yourself and ignore your WS, unless s/he shows again and again that s/he's a good candidate for R.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10054 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. You've been heard. I agree, the behavior IS sickening.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4140 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 5

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