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User Topic: I'm Sorry - A Vent
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j from Reconciliation Thread.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=526230

What I can't stand is when the WS or AP say I'm sorry. As my IC pointed out, that "I'm Sorry" is cheap. It doesn't even make sense to say "I'm Sorry" for the affair. It is clearly a choice and a decision and doesn't make the blow less painful.

When should they say I'm sorry.
When I trigger,
when I have moments of depression or anger, when I have to ask questions,
when I have to check where they are,
when I can't do my normal activities,
when I can't go to the my favorite places with out running into AP,
when I have to show restrain when I run into AP,
when I have to make sacrifices for the marriage that could of been talked about but instead come about because of an affair,
when I have to question what's going on with the finances,
when I have to question what they mean when they made a certain statement,
when I have to take pictures down because AP is in it or they are wearing AP gift in it,
when I have to sleep on the couch because my bed is defiled,
when I can't touch their body without feeling cheap,
when I have to compare myself to the AP,
when I have to go on anti-depressants
when I am force to see my own kid(s) in another place,
when I am made to look like the villain when I wasn't the one who did it,
when I have to endure sleeping alone,
when I have to figure out what was really going on because they won't confess
when they said "Get over it or Just drop it", because it is not something you just drop and move on,
When I have to go to counseling because I have to battle this,
And most importantly when I should be going to them for my hurt, my pain and they are the Cause of it all.

Done my "I'm Sorry" rant. I being writing and making my own sermons, and this is one of those things that is really cheap, given the circumstance. I am Sorry will never fix the issue at hand. Actions will.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 7:53 AM, March 21st (Friday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
1owner
♂ Member
Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right. Saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it and never will. Wasted breath. I asked my WW what she was thinking doing what she did, and all she said was that she wasn't thinking.

It frustrates me that she doesn't understand the simple concept of cause and effect. I grew up hearing something: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Don't break something and say you're sorry. Use your brain and don't break it in the first place!

Just trying to say that I know what you mean.

Good luck!


Posts: 189 | Registered: Oct 2013
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Man. I had a conversation with WW a couple weeks back and was like you don't show any remorse or empathy. Her response. I said I was sorry.

I tell you. There are two sentences in the english vocabulary that are just wasted breathe and words.

"I LOVE YOU"
'I AM SORRY"

Their cute when their used by kids... but by adults who make grown up decisions.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My response to "I'm sorry"

I agree with your self assessment however if you are attempting to apologize you must first know what you are apologizing for and why it is necessary to apologize. You have to comprehend your actions and their consequences. Until then, I will continue to agree with your self assessment.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! This a thousand times!


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 249 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've told my H so many times that "I'm sorry" is so cheap. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. If you drop something on my foot by accident, please say you're sorry. But since you knowingly lied and manipulated me, I'm sorry doesn't cut it. There needs to be true introspection about what you're regretting and remorseful of, true empathy for how your actions have made me feel, how you are responsible for those actions, and how you are working to make sure they are never repeated. Anything short of that is meaningless.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 394 | Registered: Jan 2014
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, if it was like I forgot to take the garbage out. Fine.

I'm sorry that I screwed so & so. Doesn't cut it. It's not like your mind wonder off, and your panties/underwear just came off and you happen to open up about your personal life to someone who
ain't paying the bills, taking care of things around the house, spending time with the kids and all that.

Talk is cheap. Actions speak a whole lot.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whenever my husband said sorry it was always after saying "for what it's worth." To me that just makes the apology even less.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry is not worth even spitting on the ground.
In my addiction (porn), I wouldn't say sorry, I said, I am going to do my best to make this up to you, or try harder to kick this. I would say sorry for the feelings and attitude I caused you. I can't say sorry for the act because it is a scar that is there forever.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I agree actions speak more then anything I have used the words I'm sorry. I have actually said I have this huge regret and remorse inside and no words to express them other then I'm sorry because I am. I'm sorry I made the choices I did, I'm sorry I destroyed us and will do all in my power to show you this.

My actions backed me words because I meant them. Apologies are not always for children sometimes there is not an adequate word to express remorse for actions done but we try anyway.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2633 | Registered: Oct 2012
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See my tagline. That's how I feel about "sorry".


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7424 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry I made the choices I did, I'm sorry I destroyed us and will do all in my power to show you this.

That's different Unagie. Because you are admitting what you did, and the effect of it. Not only that, you are already talking about doing whatever it takes to make this better and demonstrate it to your Husband.

My WW says... I'm sorry. And that's it. I'm sorry.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saying "i'm sorry" is just as meaningless and shallow as saying "I love you".
Stop telling me things, show me you are remorseful and that you choose to love me!


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home. We are slowly working toward that but are still

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


10th Doctor = raging asshole.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7359 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other half of that sentence is a complete waste of breath too.

"I'm sorry...I made a mistake".

Ummmm.... no you didn't. A mistake is something that happens once and typically happens within a split second or 2. What you did was deliberate and over and over.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1829 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry...I made a mistake".

Good Point. A Mistake is like an accident. No one purposely drove their car into the car in the other lane and hit a guard rail and crashed into an suv.

But to deliberately go out, find someone, throw yourself at them to make a connection, and then run around all over town and have sex with them... not sure where the mistake was...oh wait.. I know where the mistake was...you got caught.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the mistake was...you got caught.

EXACTLY!!


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1829 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 9:58 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please note, this is a vent thread, and thetefore off limits to WS.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the mistake was...you got caught

...Or you noticed that your W was getting herself together and you did not want another man to have her.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 372 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...Or you noticed that your W was getting herself together and you did not want another man to have her.

Trust me. She wasn't.

Thank's SI staff for setting this as a vent thread.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 20

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